I need a life!

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I desperately need some companionship. I love my husband, and he's wonderful, but I only see him in the evenings when we are getting the kids ready for bed, for the most part. Aside from him, I have barely had any meaningful contact with another adult in MANY MONTHS.

My social skills don't suck all that much. I'm not even totally convinced I'm AS. I suspect I'm somewhere near the mild end of the spectrum, but possibly not enough to be official "on" the spectrum, if you know what I mean. I have all the ADHD-I symptoms (except I was fine as a kid), and pretty much all the signs of Major Depressive Disorder. (I've read about all this stuff because of my son.) I've never seen a shrink, though, because I have no way of getting to one.

What I really want, at this point, is some people to just BE with. Someone to have a cup of coffee with and have a good laugh. I had a pretty good friend for a while, but we've drifted apart. Our kids are the same age, but hers are NT, and, frankly, our conversations started to get a little tiresome. Also, she's always busy. I mean, she's not just saying that; she fills every second of her time with obligations, and if you want to socialize, you have to make an appointment three weeks in advance. And then she just wants to talk about how scattered-brained and lazy she is next to everyone else she knows. So, I want to socialize with someone besides her. But I don't know anyone.

I've got a fear of driving which has gotten bad enough that I'm pretty much housebound at this point. I'm home with my kids who are happy to be playing at home anyway, so they aren't complaining. And if I could go somewhere, I can't imagine where I'd go. I mean, specifically, where I would go. I know it would be nice to "find people with similar interests", but how? Where? "Go out and do stuff" isn't a good answer, because it's not specific enough. I have found in the past (when I wasn't housebound by my kids and a fear of driving) that I would go out and end up in a store or something, because I couldn't figure out what else people do. Honestly, I do not know.

I enjoy knitting, but I can't knit with other people or I make mistakes. I need to concentrate on what I'm doing. If I try to knit and watch TV or talk, I have to rip out what I did because it's full of mistakes. I enjoy talking about the movies that I like, but where would I go to find other people to talk to? I have something in common with other moms of AS kids, but I'm so burnt out of talking about homework accomodations and IEP meetings. That's all I've talked about with other adults for the past six years, and I'm beyond sick of it. And wherever I go, it has to be someplace I can actually get to while someone else stays with my kids. Who?

So...where? What? How? How do I get a life? It's driving me nuts so much that I feel like I can't even function at home anymore, kwim?

I realize no one can actually help, but does anyone know what I'm talking about? I feel like I'm going snap if I don't fix this.

Do you like anything besides knitting? Like Yoga or something?

I am terrible at knitting I think. I do know basics and I am capable of making items (haven't tried any clothing except for scarves, but I made a cover for my garmin that was cute and functional without a pattern.) It is just that I seem to have to start over tons and it gets frustrating to me.

I am going to start taking a Yoga class soon. I meant to start this week, but there were schedule conflicts. It is going to be my "thing" to do without the kids.

What hours do you have that the kids don't need you? Normal school hours?

There's gotta be something you can do at the school or church. PTA or something, unrelated to special needs. Do they need volunteers in the cafeteria? Once you get into a routine, it can actually be fun. It depends on the staff, but they'll probably be happy to see you. Like every Monday and Wednesday, or just every second and fourth Tuesday.

What is your local PTA neglecting or doing badly due to lack of volunteer time? Can you help with the news letter?

What gets you going when you look at the world or watch the news? Name a political issue that really pisses you off, tell me the name of your nearest city, and give me about fifteen minutes. I bet I could find group that will give you something to do.

What tahitii said.

Join a group that does something about your interests. I think Mycology societies are fun. When I was sick and my daughter was her animal worst, my husband and I loved to go to a C.S. Lewis book discussion group once a month. We never so much as mentioned our violent daughter with autism plus and the mental break was exhilarating. We'd come back and find out our daughter had scissored off half her hair or stabbed the waterbed or drawn 88 (I counted) ink bunnies on the wall, but despite knowing that we would always come back to disaster and had to find a new babysitter every month, we kept going.

Take a class. College classes cost the most but you will meet a great cross-section of people. Community learning classes cost a little. Some classes are free. Our newspaper lists classes about cooking on Tuesday, neighborhood meetings and volunteer opportunities on Wednesday, gardening meetings and classes on Thursday.

Have you tried Meetup.com? They put people together based on interests. I'm a member of our local knitting meetup, although I rarely attend. I'm just not that interested in getting out among people. It's nice to know that if I do find myself wanting companionship, I have somewhere to go where I can just sit with my knitting and let the conversation wash around me.

How did I miss this topic! Yes, one life for me too please
The problem is I'm not exactly sure what I'm interested in anymore. I can't really make up my mind

Thanks, everyone. I read the "yoga" answer last night, and considered that a bit. It's not a social thing, but it is good for you, at least. I could do that when the kids are back in school, provided my husband's job situation improves. Yoga classes are really expensive. I was looking online at where I could find classes around here, and also came across an idea to learn a musical instrument. Again, muy expensive, but that would be really cool. So, I fell asleep feeling very hopeful, for the first time in months.

When my oldest kid started school, I was all gung ho about volunteering. I found that I hated it with a passion. I always felt confused about what to do, like a little kid having to constantly ask what I'm supposed to be doing, while all the other moms just got on with it, and seemed to just know what to do and how to do it. Like real grown ups. Also, I'm sooooo not part of the established PTA "clique". They aren't bad people, but they are what I call the "mini-van moms", and they all have their kids in endless afterschool activities. It's a lifestyle that is undesirable and unattainable for me. So, that's out.

School doesn't start for another five weeks, so there's not much I can do before then.

You know, I just wish that I had some better idea of WHO I am. I'm 42, and I haven't a clue. I've gone down so many roads that only lead me to a place where I just ended up saying, "What was I thinking????" I trained for a number of careers that I hated and was awful at, always because some other person liked it, and I never had a sense of my own self. I thought if the person I admire loves something, then I must love it, too. I'm still like that. These days, my big hero is Alan Rickman, the actor, so I spend a lot of time wondering what it would be like to be in the theater arts (which is totally closed to me, because of my inexperience). But really, do I want to act or do some other theater-related thing? Or does it just sound appealing because it's what the person I admire does? You see, I don't know myself well enough to know the answer to that. (Actually, acting really does sound fun. There's no such thing as acting classes for 42-year-olds. Not in this part of the world. You can audition for community theater, but I'd want training.) Beside, where would I find the time?

On a side note--I drank a whole pot of coffee today, which I almost never do, and I'm actually able to think about things, and imagine possibilities a bit. I wonder if that's significant? It's been months (years?) since I could actually think about things in a productive manner. My son's developmental pediatrician mentioned that she thinks I show a lot of signs of inattentive ADHD. That's what gave me the coffee idea. (She also said I didn't seem AS to her.)

Hmmm. Muse. Muse.

I have ADHD and I self medicate with caffeine. It is wonderful. At one point I tried Strattera and that was horrible for me.

I lucked out, our community center has a free yoga class. I was really shocked to find that out. I am kind of glad too, that it seems to be full of people old enough to be my parent or grandparent. >_< It means I will feel less self conscious. I have a hard time interacting with people who are too much younger than I am (still, you think I would get used to it after all this time...)

Got life? topic

What about forming your own group based on special interest/hobby?

I'm kind of in the same place. I just don't know what I'm passionate about anymore. There's things I'm good at, but I don't feel driven to do much with it. I'll try not beating myself up for not being who I always thought I should be, and maybe then I'll have the energy and will to do something extraordinary - but mostly because I just want to, not because I'm desperately afraid of being the average shmoe I am anyways.

Being around people is very difficult.

I'm NT and have been in the same boat.

If you are depressive and fearful of going out of the house or of driving, you might be agoraphobic or having anxiety/phobia issues. Many, many people go through similar periods in their lives, with women more likely to experience it than men. There is help, but it is hard to reach out for it because people who are experiencing it usually feel down in the dumps or fearful and don't want to go out to get that help. I challenge you to go one step one day, and then two steps the following, and so on until you are a free woman again. If you can't do that, then I would ask your husband to take you to the doctor because you deserve better.

Book discussion groups take place at all sorts of book stores and libraries. Many libraries have free summer programs you can take the kids to, which will at least get you out and about and around other people before summer is up. If you enjoy knitting and just don't do it well around people, you can take a throw-away project to group meetings. Concentrate on the companionship and just know that whatever you do in that project will be a jumbled mess you won't want to keep. Or make it into a cat's ball or a washcloth or anything else that doesn't require precision.

You can do a service project like volunteering for a soup kitchen, at a church office, habitat for humanity, meals on wheels, the ASPCA, a local museum or art gallery, homeless shelter, library archives, or any other number of places. You'll have regular semi-structured adult contact that can become unstructured contact if you arrange it.

There are groups that get together just to go eat out, to talk about politics or energy, to hike or bike local trails, and all sorts of other things. Whatever you're interested in, just google it along with your location (Example: Air hockey Saskatchewan) and you'll find people who are getting together whom you can then join. If you don't know, then someone above's suggestion of Meetup.com is a good suggestion because you can search by location and just scan the list of nearby groups until something catches your eye.

taking up a musical instrument is fun; maybe the recorder, or guitar, or banjo. and if you take group lessons you can sit there and do your thing and learn, or socialize with other students if y wanna do so... and then as you get better, you practice more which is a fun thing you can do alone or with other people, and also, theres really no end to learning new songs or old songs or writing your own music, so it never really gets boring.

im a musician, play lots of instruments, ironically, i did take a 1 year break from it our of boredom, but i was going thru a lot last year as well, so im ready to get back to the music!

hope this was a good idea for you!