Forgiving former "drinker" spouse

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This is a bit awkward for me to write. Sorry if it's confusing.
My husband started drinking more than he should the day our elder daughter was born (literally what he did when he got home from the hospital that night). He continued to drink more than his share until several months ago. While he was drinking life was really hard for me, I could never catch up on the housework or the kids or whatever, and he was constantly doing things to set me back (repeatedly flooding the dishwasher/clotheswasher breaking glass on floor before leaving for work, leaving boxes of razors knives and other sharp objects in semi shut drawers at toddler level, spilling wine in baby's room etc.)
It took me a long time to realize the problem was with him, not me.
It took me even longer to get him to stop drinking.
It took me even longer to get him to realize the many problems his drinking thrust upon me.
He now doesn't drink, has said he is sorry, and is doing all that he can to help out with kids/house etc.
My problem is that NOW I know it is my place to forgive him, let the past rest, and try to put together our future.
My problem is that NOW I have a very difficult time letting go of all the anger I've stored up over the past several very difficult years.
Any advice?

What you've been through was a very hard time. It is healthy to be angry about it for a time.

Perhaps martial arts training would help you get your anger out in a healthy way in combination with counsilling (for you alone and with your partner if you can).

Why did he start drinking? I'm sure he didn't set out to be an alcoholic.

With a little luck, I think you'll get over the resentment in time, though it may take a while. Must have been horrible to live with that kind of behaviour. I guess it's probably upset you more because of the threat to your children. That's probably one of the surest ways to provoke a mother's contempt.

You did well to persuade him to give it up. I had an alcoholic partner once and she was so far gone that nothing I or anybody else could say or do had any effect. It must be great to be married to somebody who respects you enough to give up an addiction like that.

thanks Lene, thinking about this question is really helping me.
One reason, I suppose, is that he wasn't able to handle the emotional overflow of having a baby. He would always use drinking to dull emotions at other points in life, just a child is an emotional event that, once it occurs, doesn't fade or move into the past.
Two, he probably was drinking a little more than he should before the pregnancy, I just didn't notice it. He had 1 gin and tonic and 1 glass of wine every night.
Three, I had had a rough pregnancy, and I think he looked forward to my 3 day hospital stay so he could get a break from taking care of me.
Four, He's much older than I am. Even though he always said he wanted to get married and have kids, I'm not sure he wanted to do it at 50. Some people have a hard time adjusting to "getting everything they've every wanted" after they have long ago learned to be satisfied with what life gave them.
Five, he has a bit of a martyrdom complex, and there just wasn't much for people to feel sorry for him about. This goes into some deep psychlogy that I don't have the time or clarity to put into words.
Six He tends to be more of a passive observer supporter sort of person, teacher mentor coach, whereas being a DAD is a very active role. The same way it being a husband to a wife on full bedrest is more of an active role than just supporting / running for ice cream with a healthy pregnant wife would have been.
Seven, again, he's much older. At 50 he was probably, somewhere in his mind, planning for a pretty smooth retirement and the chance to go do all sorts of hobbyish things (get back into sailing, build an addition on his cabin, get some chickens and greenhouse) having kids didn't exactly put a stop to all that but it complicated it a bit more than he'd expected.

At this point I really need to get over him. He really is doing above and beyond his share. I have been sick since that pregnancy and I really need to figure out what's wrong with me. I also need to give him credit for going above and beyond, he shouldn't have to nurse a wife two decades younger than himself.

Well, I used to be a massive alcoholic, and i put my family through alot of crap, myself. My only advice, is that you try to accept his apology. That stuff he did to you over the last couple years, were all things done by a totally different person than you're living with now. That's not a good excuse for the things he did, rather an explanation that he would never have done those things while he was in his right mind(sober), so shouldn't be used to judge him as a person. I know it's tough to remove years of frustration, so i was throwing that out there as a possible 'helper'.


Best wishes.

Al-anon?

You probably didn't have time to be angry before, and now that the storm has subsided in the calm your feelings are asserting themselves. That is normal. Actually open ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) meetings might be better because that org can be more supportive of people who have dealt with an alcoholic.