cheated or been cheated on?

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Most relationships have their rough patches. Aspie relationships maybe more than others.

I'm wondering if Aspie marriages are more likely to suffer an extramarital affair. I've heard that it's a common stereotype for an NT spouses of Aspies who don't divorce, to go out and have affairs to get their emotional and/or physical needs met.

I get in a funk sometimes, lamenting on the limitations on my relationship with my husband. I feel that I have much more to give, if only he were more receptive. But he is who he is.

I will not cheat, however. But it's not so much out of loyalty to him, I must confess. Sometimes, I honestly wonder how much he would care(!). It's just that I couldn't live a lie. That whole sneaking around business that is the extramarital affair. When I am in a relationship with someone, I need the whole package - the birthdays, the holidays, the family get togethers, the nursing through sickness and injury, as well as the intimacies.

Has anyone thought of cheating? Acted on it? Has anyone been cheated on? What was the effect?

My ex-husband cheated on me. When I finally found out, he moved out 2 days later, and I divorced him.

Both...unfortunately.. (Evil a-typical Aspie=Poopy)
Shortly after I got into my first major relationship, which would go in to last 6 years, I struck up an immediate friendship with a guy in my Geometry class in high school. He was my closest closest friend...we had the same sense of humor...we spoke each other's language..we would have been ended up dating but we were both in other relationships...alas, there were teenage hormones involved...I did not "connect" or "relate" to my boyfriend who was older than me and out of school..we were in a band together...arguably it was a somewhat controlling sexually abusive relationship...but partially because I didn't know how to have any power or voice...so maybe my fault...
My friend and I managed to keep our hands off of each other for an entire school year(I forget the timeline)..He was my only close friend in school....but bad things ended up happening..I was incredibly guilt-ridden and ended the friendship...went into seclusion....etc...Almost a year after it happened, my boyfriend found out and I ended up having to go to another school my senior year...because I had made a fool of him He also tried to force me to tattoo his name near my private parts..I am really glad that didn't pan out..I was too young for a tattoo....I spent a long time on relationship "probation"...where he said he could sleep around but I couldn't..and um...yeah...it really did a number on my self-esteem at the time.

It was from that experience that I learned the incorrect and black-and-white notion that if you are in a relationship with one person and become infatuated with someone else, you must end the relationship you are in.

Um...then my current partner Flakey had an affair right under my nose that lasted for several months before I found out...(I moved out but it didn't work out)....and then a year later, he did it again....and that is why we are polyamorous...so sleeping around is not cheating because it does not go against the rules of our relationship. I have been seeing my very good friend for over a year now.. whenever I am able...Flakey still has his same "mistress"..but some other interests here and there.....
Maybe not the easiest thing in the world, but easier than breaking up...and the element of my being being jealous or stressed out about other girls that was caused by Flakey's constantly teasing about wanting multiple girlfriends..is nonexistent....nice...

The flip side of the coin is of faithful NT spouses with cheating AS partners.

In my case, it was very hard when one of the "obsessions" of an AS spouse is person/persons of the opposite sex. I'll never know if my husband sexually cheated on me while we were married, but all I can say is the devastation of his emotional infidelity was equally soul-destroying.

I could never understand why my husband would spend hours on the internet communicating with girls (and I do mean girls) and be so free with them while I was under the same roof with him, starved for any sort of connection. I would go to bed at around 10 or 11 pm, hoping that my husband would come in and spend some time with me and would get upset if I asked him to do that, but would have no trouble staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning chatting away online. It was so painful to find out later on how much he was bad-mouthing me and our marriage to complete strangers on the net, 18 to 21 year old girls, who most likely did not give a s**t about the marital woes of a 35 year-old man. I'm sure they stroked his ego though.

He must have thought me a really evil person to have done that. He never said anything to me about how unhappy he was in our marriage, and though I told him so many times how his emotional infidelity was affecting me, it was like "in one ear, out the other". He thought me paranoid and overly dramatic.

I don't think I'm a bad person and he certainly is not a bad person. I really wanted to give our marriage another try after finding out of his AS, but he was deaf to the whole idea.

My wish is for him to be happy. I hope that if/when he gets into another relationship, he will avoid the same pitfalls that rocked our marriage. And that the woman he will be with will be loving and understanding and will not take advantage of him.

My first relationship ended with her cheating on me, and has been the reason I don't date NTs for nearly 11 years.

And worse, I recently lost contact with a female Aspie that I unsuccessfully pursued romantically who, at one time, admitted that she "didn't trust herself not to cheat", and it shattered my own belief that Aspies don't lie or cheat.

The whole "cheating" thing seems rather stupid to me, a relic of a LONG bygone time when people died soon after their kids reached maturity and therefore marital fidelity was necessary to make sure that civilization was passed on. Today, people have kids at 25, they grow up, and the parents are still young and horny. In that case, lifetime fidelity makes no sense. We need to have something like institutionalized polyamory or something. You marry the mother/father of your kid, but you are not TIED to him/her. Once the kid turns 18, the marriage is nullified automatically. It would be better than accumulating six ex spouses.

Isn't this more appropriate for the 'love and dating' forum. I'm not interested in people whining about their partners, especially NTs.

It seems an apt topic to me for the in-depth Adult forum..
WP is a place for partners of AS people too...NT..or whatever...

i would think that most everyone (NT or AS), the answer is one or the other (or both). i don't profess to understand the point of affairs (i can barely keep one life organized), but they are certainly common.

I don't think anyone has talked dirty..maybe she chose this forum for the thread because it has a more "grownup" tone than the "Love and Dating" forum...or the "adult" forum...for that matter...I don't think that my saying "Bad Things" or mentioning having been in a "sexually abusive" relationship really count as dirty talk...or if it WAS dirty...that was not my intent..I was just being honest.

Infidelity seems like a worthy "in-depth adult life" topic to me....my 2cents...I don't want to get into an arguement...consult a moderator if you think this thread is out of line or in the wrong place...I generally stay out of this room anyway because I am not emotionally mature...I go away now.

I don't think it's anymore 'grown up' than anything else said in 'love and dating', besides that should be an 'all ages' section.

My problem with NTs wanting to whine about their relationships at this site is - where do their AS partners go for support?

well, you guys at least know what it is like to be in a relationship

I am aware of being cheated on at least twice. Both were committed by my first girlfriend who, in her defence, was stunning according to those around me. That said, to perpetrate cheating is one of the most horrible things one can do to another; it is a fine act of representing untrustworthiness and lack of self-understanding. And correct if me I am wrong but it is astounding people actually abide by the old collage addage that doing so in a 'different area/post code' does not constitute cheating.

I’ve been married four times. Have never cheated on any of my wives but was cheated on by the first two, at least as far as I know of. The third one was a little crazy and after being married to me she completely went insane. I think the fourth one is a little Aspieish and we’re still together.

To Esther:

Even with my age and experience as an Aspie I can’t imagine flirting with anyone on the internet because I wouldn’t know what to write, and I happen to be a very good writer.

To pezar:

Does your logical mind REALLY not see ANY emotional self-contradiction in that?