Writing a letter to my brothers?

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I'm 42, live with my mom and deliver pizza part time. I finished 2nd to last in my class of about 350. I have 5 older brothers, no sisters and I am the youngest. Many people in my family have strong personalities. Each one of them has had their own businesses. Workaholic perfectionism runs in my family. Most of them do very well at what they do in life. One brother was his class valedictorian. Another brother has two engineering degrees. Another brother has the largest business of its kind in the southern hemisphere. For a few years I have thought about writing a letter to my brothers. Other than weddings, the two family get togethers each year are Thanksgiving and Christmas. 2nd oldest brother lives in another country so he really can't attend Thanksgiving/Christmas. My next older brother #5 has always respected me and rarely says negative things to me. So its brothers #1, #3 & #4 that take verbal jabs at me, make snide remarks and make anti-gay remarks that I think are aimed at me. Brother #1 accused me of being gay when I was 14. I consider myself being straight but somewhat sexually confused. From what I have been told the family thinks I'm gay. I have dated very very little but only women. I couldn't believe it when I didn't hear a single negative word during 2008 holidays. At the dinner table in 2007 brother #3 made a verbal jab and I tried to defend myself. Brother #4 said to ME to shut up when he should have told #3 to shut up. There are a lot of other issues I could bring up in a letter but the main thing is the verbal jabs that they think I'm just supposed to sit there and take and not say a word back. I could write several pages in a letter. Or I have thought of doing a very very short letter to them basically saying "I've taken these jabs, belittlement and listened to other subtle negative comments that I know were aimed at me, from you guys for nearly 30 years,, either respect me at family get togethers or I will stop attending them. Another thing I have thought about doing is getting up and leaving the next time I hear one of these jabs. I'm not sure what to do.

You could leave the bastards behind. Then they could say what they liked and it wouldn't hurt you any more.

Having had somewhat similar experiences in recent years, I would suggest that you not waste your time writing a letter, unless it provides therapeutic value. In any event, don’t send it. It sounds as though the family gatherings are times of tension, and not particularly enjoyable. If that is so, then my advice is to simply stop going, Don’t say anything – just don’t turn up. If anyone cares, they will ask soon enough, in which case you tell them why you are no longer going. This does not preclude you maintaining normalized relations with brothers #2 and #5. You can continue your regular contact with #2. You can also initiate one-on-one contact with #5. But I would just blow off #1, #3, and #4.

I do not say this lightly. You do say that you have uncertainty about your sexuality. What if you discover that you’re gay, or bi, or even transgender? Many autistic people are. You already know how that will go down with that troika – you are already receiving hate epithets for the mere suspicion. If they were to come around, it would take a long time – and you’re better away from them while they work through their own insecurities. Odds are that at this age they never will.

Yep, leading up to the holidays I get a ton of anxiety about being around my family. If they only knew. My mom has this habit of making me bring some of the food there with me since we normally drive separate. I think she does that so I "will" show up and not go awol. I have been saying stuff to my mom about how my brothers bother me but I have no idea if she has forewarded any of it to them. Brother #1 & #3 have this habit of talking very intensely and saying the phrase "YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW THAT"? Basically calling me a stupid idiot.

I think that melissa is right. Remind yourself how you are treated by people who are respectable adults. If you don't think you can call them out one on one then avoid them. I have done both. A relationship is two sided. That goes for family too. I hope you can stop thinking about them. It must be heavy on your mind to post here. Don't let them be a part of the way you define your self image. You are not them. It' doesn't sound like they exhibit qualities you want to emulate so don't give their childish comment's and attitudes undue significance. It's hard to see sometimes what is important to occupy oneself with in this society. But no one is going to give a sh*t about how successful you are unless you can be useful to them. I personally want people to know me for the love they can experience by knowing me not because I was useful for padding their fragile ego. Congrats on getting some dating experience. Takes time to meet people I know. Good Luck Wingmower!

Walk away.

At some point they're going to wonder where you went and someone is going to ask. Generally it's the most emotionally supportive person and they'll come asking. You know what the problem is and when asked, write *them* a letter. Keep your distance at that point and let the other person do the heavy lifting. Ideally, you'll get an invite along with an apology.

If no one comes knocking - why would you really want to hang around that abuse anyhow?