Men who hate women, why do they?

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I don't want to hijack the men's sticky but this thread is for you. And I don't want the juveniles to answer so I don't post it in the love and dating forum.

Please help me.

I've been a feminist since I was a teenager so I'm well aware of gender oppression and discrimination and prejudice, and also sexual harassment. But I've never been interactive before so it's only in my old age (37) that I'm beginning to communicate with people more or less coherently. (I'm still self-diagnosed autistic though but there is not much scope for doubt there.) The issue here is this: I never knew that a man could have so much contempt for a woman he claims to care about and take seriously. Where does this come from and how can it be dealt with or gotten away from if he never says or does anything directly but everything is innuendo making me want to die?

He knows I'm autistic and inexperienced.

I understand so much but I understand nothing.

Do you want an answer for the thread title "Mean who hate women, why do they"?
Or do you want an answer for the question in your body text of "Says he loves me, acts like he hates me!"

Both are long answers.

My ex told me lot of men hate women because they can lie to the judge and say they are hitting them or beating them and bam the judge takes their side and throws the man in jail or they alienate their kids from him and coach them to lie to the judge and make up stories by saying their dad did this or that to them and say they don't want to be with their dad.

If a man and women got in a fight and the man was just defending himself the woman can just say he was beating her and she was just defending herself when it was the man that was defending himself. So bam the woman side gets taken and the man is thrown in jail. I think that's why they don't hit a woman and instead they just restrain them when they try beating them. Even my first ex said the same about women. He said he can defend himself against a woman without having to hit her because she can just say he was beating her and she was defending herself when she was hitting him and bam he is thrown in jail for assault so if he just restrains her by stopping her from beating him, there are no charges.

This is not typical behavior. Much like there are socio/psychopaths out there, there are people with a large amount of hate and anger pent up.

Does he show contempt just for you or does is there a general attitude? Expression is (but not always) via anger, outbursts and speech.

Assuming he hates you... you're an easy mark and for some reason return back the right feedback. The feedback he needs to help deal with his emotions.

Assuming he hates society in general... you're an easy outlet. Since he can't rant and rave about politics, finances, etc., he'll just go off on you. If you're not part of the solution (and his solution will change dependent upon the problem) then you're part of the problem.

Most of the time, it comes back to how you respond to him. If you give him what he "needs", the abuse continues.

If he hates black people and you hate black people, you both rant together and he doesn't get much of what he's after. If he hates black people and you like black people, it gives me an excuse to go off on you. Feel free to replace black people with feminists, political parties or specific individuals.

But... need more info.

Agreed. But regardless of which answer you are interested in, if you're in a relationship with a man like the one you described, you should leave straight away.

This line....

...makes me wonder if you are simply insecure or perhaps you are reading something into his words/actions that is not really there.

It might be an AS thing. You might be hyper sensitive or over analytical. You've put him in a pretty impossible spot, if you think of it. You're saying he hates you yet when asked for examples you say "He never says or does anything directly." He's pretty screwed, I would say. He's damned either one way or another because whatever he does you will interpret as him hating you (and all women).

Next time you feel is trying to slip an insult in at you be honest with him and bluntly ask him what he means. He may not even be aware he's doing it or may not even want it to mean what you think he wants it to (does that make sense?).

I say this with all due respect. Stop acting like a victim. Not all men hate or are out to get women. Only the insecure aholes.

Why does anyone ever hate anyone? Because they are insecure & don't love themselves. Don't fall into that trap.

Another big claim (and recurring theme in L&D) is that women only want a man for how he can serve her.

GOOD catch, Blue. I got so caught up analyzing the question that this sailed straight by me.

I'm unfamilar w/that term. L & D ?

I can't answer that question, you'll have to ask them.

Thank you so much for your answers, they are all very helpful. I don't have any friends or family so I really need to hear other people's opinions on this.

Sorry about my sporadic internet access.

Feel free to answer either or both, whichever you want!


I am hypersensitive and overanalytical and although it is a big handicap in many ways it is also the reason I have survived this long. I have failed at everything that I've tried to do but I keep going so I hardly think I am acting like a victim.

I can think of several reasons why a man would act like this:

1. Some men want to 'break' women so they will be submissive (I don't think this is what I'm dealing with, if it turns out I am I will get out of it.)

2. He wants to impress me, by putting on a big show and by acting difficult. Treat'em mean and keep'em keen. There are elements of this in there.

3. Fear. Women may have taken advantage of him in the past and I get blamed. This is a factor.

I can think of more reasons but that's enough for now.

I don't know, life is work, I either deal with one thing or another. If it continues like this I guess I won't be dealing with this one.

Please keep talking!

BTW I think L&D stands for love and dating forum.

Because they are Gay. Obvious

L&D: the Love and Dating folder on WP.

I am referring to the fact that many threads are started by people who blame the female gender for their inability to land a relationship.

Do you think I'm blaming him? I'm not. I give him credit for not quitting on me so I try not to quit on him even though everything he does asks me to.

It's very hard for me to ask for anything (on WP as in life) and I don't know how to do it in a way that makes people want to respond but I really need to hear other people's thoughts on this, especially men.

To add to my response above - the behavior continues because you take it. The phrase "enabler" springs to mind.

Assume for a second you could stand up and kick his ass everytime he went off. Do you think the behavior would continue? Negative reinforcement is a powerful thing, but since no one expects this to occur in a relationship especially with the gender roles as they are, positive reinforcement could work.

But basically, because you allow the behavior, the behavior continues.

I can also assume for a second, if the behavior stopped with the waving of a magic wand, you'd care less daily as to why it started (until it was a theoretical exercise such as wondering why microwaves don't escape past the door). It's only interesting currently because you're looking to influence it. Right?

oh, goodness, no! most Gay men don't hate women. Just because you don't want to sleep with one doesn't mean you don't like them! I worked for years at an all gay male restaurant and the only women those men care for were stone cold dyke lesbians.