Roommate stole my vitamins

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I don't know how to handle this. I have bad social anxiety and I hate confrontation so even though I know in my head that the responsible thing to do is confront both of the roommates about it, the thought scares me.

I live in an apartment with my fiance and two roommates (they are dating). Someone has been stealing our (fiance and me, we both had two bottles, man and woman) vitamins. They are expensive because I can't handle most multi-vitamins. Fiance and I both struggle with depression and he hadn't taken his for a while, even though I got him a new bottle. Lo, and behold, one day he goes to take one and the bottle is empty.

I am not one to make a snap decision but I really don't know if my memory has gotten so bad that I remember purchasing a new bottle when it didn't happen. Anyway, it was unfortunate but since my memory isn't very good right now i let it go.

So I've been depressed for a while too and am not responsible enough to care for my health. Finally I'm to the point where I have no food in the house other than canned beans and bread and soup. So I go to the cabinet to supplement my awful diet with some vitamins.

I only have 4 vitamins left.

I do NOT remember taking so many vitamins. I just don't. I don't have the memory of when I stopped taking them, but I have a huge suspicion that it was Johnathan, the male roommate (why else would the men's supplement be consumed before the women's?).

I don't want to bring it up and then sound like an accusing paranoid person. I don't bring up things like that well. I end up sounding accusing, and if he did do it he's going to get really defensive, because that's how he is. But I don't know what else to do. Those things are like $30 a bottle and I probably never should have bought them in the first place but we've been eating so poorly.

I would LOVE to kick them out and just have the place to ourselves, but right now as a couple we are just too ridden with mental health issues to be able to work enough to afford the place. I really wish they never had to move in, but we needed help with the rent. Asking them to leave is just a fantasy. I really can't handle living with more than my fiance though. I fear that things are never going to get better as long as they are here being all NT on me and causing me more stress (I have to have things in order to function; they leave stuff haphazardly all over, emphasis on "hazard").

Any advice or comments would be very much appreciated. Don't hold back!

For now I'm heading out to work and leaving both empty bottles on the counter by the coffee machine.

I don't know how these pills look, but swapping them for laxative is always a good way of making people and their sticky fingers think twise next time, and that way you don't even have to confront anyone.

Haha, that thought has crossed my mind, although I feel uncomfortable about deceit. It's looking tempting though.

Keep the vitamins in a locked cabinet Or maybe keep them in your closet in your bedroom ? Get some new roommates ones that are not so messy ?

I don't think that's deceit, its deceitful for them to have stolen it. That would be more like pay back though I think vitamins and laxitives usually look kinda different.

Join the dark side, we have cookies.

As a backup plan, do you have an Aunt, Uncle, sibling, you and your fiance could live with on a mid-term basis if needed? (parents are also a possibility but often doesn't work out too well)

Do you have a relative, church minister, former boss, etc, who could talk to these relatives as an authority figure and matter-of-factly set them straight?

This is in keeping with the business principle that it's often more skillful negotiation to get someone else to negotiate on your behalf.

Some neurotypical people, certainly not all (and no such thing as 'normal' anyway!) seem to have this sense of humor where it's this teasing oneupsmanship where they don't necessarily mean anything all that bad. I don't really get it, and I don't particularly find it all that funny, other than maybe the mere fact that they find it funny.

On the other hand, it could be the sign of addictive behavior and the beginning of the end. I guess it's not quite as bad as stealing someone else's prescription medication, but it's not all that good either. And so, if they're late paying rent or can't pay at all, drugs may be the reason.

My relatives don't live anywhere near and I'm not religious. I don't have anyone other than my fiance, really. I want to change that but since it's uncomfortable to interact with other people it's hard to motivate myself to go friend-searching.

The apartment situation is a little complex because it's actually an apartment building-turned-condo that's owned by my fiance's father, who is renting it to us at a discount. Even with the discount, we can't afford it on our own. It doesn't help that the cost of living where I am is awful.

The thing that bothers me is that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so I think I end up getting walked on a lot. But how do I know? I know memory is fallible so I question my own knowledge and memory of the situation until I don't know what's what anymore.

I'll take those cookies, but the laxative thing is a moot point right now since I have no money and no laxatives on hand...

It's not deceit, you can store your laxatives however you choose. Doesn't need to be stored in a thief-friendly manner. If he happens to steal your stuff well ... ehehehehe

More realistically, just ask him if he's been taking them and tell him they're really expensive. He might not fess up but maybe he'll stop even so. You may not be able to get a confession but getting him to stop is much easier if you don't care about a confession.

@edgewaters Heh heh, he's going to have to stop now since he took them all and I have no money for more

Yeah, I am probably over-thinking my approach and should just be upfront and ask if either of them have been taking them, and then I run away to my room if I can't handle their response.

Oh there's two?? That makes everything easier. If there's multiple people you don't have to directly accuse anyone, you can just say you know somebody has been taking them and they're really expensive and whoever is doing it should stop, because they will be caught now. Say you have a way to catch them. Don't say how, and you don't actually need to have a way (although there are ways).

Perhaps something like this . .

'If you guys borrowed any vitamins . . . I do need to have them returned.'

And please trust your gut instinct whether this at all feels like the right move, whether it's better for you to talk to the guy or to the lady in this other couple. How to include your fiance in this strategic move, etc.

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And for me, yes, people do mistake my kindness for weakness and I don't like it. At the same time, I don't want to live life having a hard shell. I am getting better in learning how to take things in medium steps.

That's what I was about to suggest. If you do well in controlling your tone of voice, then I think it would be a good idea to simply ask (with determination and a deadly seriousness) them if they know where your vitamins are because they're gone. No reason to explain yourself further like you did here, just say they are missing and that these vitamins were ridiculously expensive/$30.

What confused me about this however (maybe I just missed something important during reading):

unless it says VERY EXPENSIVE in bold can't-oversee-this letters on the packing of the vitamins, I'd not be so sure the one responsible even knows they are not cheap vitamins? Because emptying a bottle of cheap vitamins without offering refund would be extremely rude but would be like "stealing" a cup of gummy bears and chocolate bars.