who here is an AS male married to an NT female

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Or in a long-term committed relationship with an NT female? I don't have to worry about it now, but, the idea of marriage or living common law scares me. I don't want someone to decide they don't love me anymore and then take half my stuff in the divorce.

What have been your experiences?

If the idea of losing 50 percent of what you have is what's scaring you about marriage, you can get a good lawyer to write a prenup.

It's good to be scared - it makes one pay attention.

Married to an NT female who has been most gracious and forgiving of what I've done that shouldn't oughtta been done.
She has some serious issues of her own, so we're both working on things.

Marriage is work and lots of conscious decisions, it won't fly on autopilot.

Infidelity and rejection are always possible, it is the nature of life. We have made the required active decisions to not have those.
Same holds true for emotional or physical abuse, everyone has the potential to do that and has to make some kind of decision not to.

As to how wrong things can go:
My wife is divorced from a man who turned out to be a child molester. My brother's first marriage was to a gal who ended up trying to kill him: his current wife is every bit as good as the first was evil, she's faithful even while my bro is out of the country for extended lengths of time.

I had not been married or in a live-in relationship before this one.

It's been shown best for the partners to not be totally alike or totally different. There needs to be enough alikeness to make a connection and yet enough difference to be individuals and to remain interesting to each other.

Whatever the belief system it is shown good for both to have similar or parallel spiritual beliefs and/or values whether there are some or none - the partners will be mentally and emotionally operating based on those values and can be at cross purposes if too different from each other.

Remember, marriage won't fly on autopilot, it is something you do every day.

And cannot possibly get perfect every hour of every day. Both partners need to accept that.

There's my input.

I'm very happy in my marriage.

http://asdrelationships.freeforums.org/index.php

My wife and I will reach 20 years in November.
It was pretty obvious, 20 years ago, what she was getting into - even though we didn't have a name for it until about 10 years ago. I didn't hide it very well in my twenties.

While there is no clear evidence that AS gets better (or worse) over time, what seems fairly obvious is that we get better at managing it as we grow older. At 40, I can park my obsessions until I have actual leisure time; I can hold relatively normal conversations with strangers; I can take my hat off whenever its clearly inappropriate to wear one. I struggled with all those issues in my late teens.

The marriage has benefited accordingly. We have our problems, but the AS - while it can aggravate some things - isn't a primary concern.

The good news is that the horrifying date you suffered through early in the relationship is as bad as it gets in terms of AS problems.
OK - there will be a second crisis when she forgets that you are not actually a robot, and still have feelings, even if they come out sideways at irregular intervals.

But unlike depression - which is also widespread among the US population - the bottom is not going to drop out on you in ten years.

50% of all marriages in the USA end in divorce no matter who the partners are.

You get half her stuff too. I've been in three relationships but I'm noticing a pattern, my options are women with a mental illness therefore there is a trade off with my aspie traits. Or a woman who has been cheated on and can see that because i'm anxious in social situations I won't cheat.

Both ultimately end in disaster.

I’ve been married four times and my words of wisdom are that Aspies should stick with Aspies.

I've been married 18 years to an NT. Well she is almost NT - maybe has a few quirks. Reasonably happily married; some ups and downs. I'd always recommend living together for a year or two first before making a big commitment.

I married my last wife after knowing her for less than a month and we’ve been married for fourteen years.

Love and marriage can be incredibly frightening and unpredictable. I am not an Aspie male married to a NT female, however, I am an aspie female married to a NT male.

There are hardships involved in any situation, but having one partner on the spectrum, and the other off, presents new challenges. You will need a partner who is willing to give you space, that much I learned. Without the space to pursue my focuses, or to calm when overstimulated, I will melt down.

Make sure you have a clear list of what you're looking for, and don't settle. If you do this, the prospect of partnership, or marriage, will seem less daunting.

My wife and I married five weeks after we first met in 1981.

I think it a funny idea that you have to negate such legislation. It should be the other way round. If you want the 50/50 arrangement then write an agreement. The law shouldn't be involved in marriage at all, be it through licence or common law. It is just a personal choice. Marriage isn't itself a commitment. It is the commitment that is the commitment. It is about time it ceased to be politicised.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... ement.html

Say no more.

My wife is NT and she is totally amazing.

We are married 20 years and she is the reason we are still married.

I have an IQ in the 98th percentile and have a business which is not impaired by my social impairment.

I only recently discovered my AS and I am going through a process of reflection on what it must have been like for her to be with me for so long.

My current special interest is AS and I am on a CBT program cos I want to try and meet her in the middle, finally.

This is the very least she deserves.

Seven years married in January, after fifteen years of shacking.

Five years of a live-together situation.
We had no idea about AS until last year.
I thought I was fine, and I was oblivious to the ways I was hurting her.

Ideas of marriage and a future together evaporated quickly.
However, we do have a child together. So we are currently trying to figure out how to arrange things so that we can each lead our own separate lives, yet take the best possible care of our child. Arguments over posessions seem secondary to some fundamental conflicts over the mental and emotional climate of our home. We can't live around each other. I really don't care who gets what stuff.

I can see now that I never had any idea how to make a relationship work. As much as I've learned, I don't know if I will ever be able to maintain a marriage or any other close relationship.