Dealing with Rage as an Adult

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I feel like I have been angry my whole life........I am getting better at reigning it in.......I call my rage attacks "demon runs".......I just feel like throwing the biggest tantrums like a 5 year old. The problem is, its against the law

I REALLY struggle with normal feelings of anger to a real life situation that requires me to be angry.......and being enraged because someone has interrupted me, or I don't like the sound of something, or the way a pile of books is placed, or the dirt on the bench, or more than one person is talking at me, or my brain feels like silly putty sometimes........phew, exhausting.

I am having a bad day.

Cheers,

Michhsta

I have been angry since I was about 13 but I think it has gotten worse in the last few years. I am just trying plan a future for myself with less stress, which will hopefully produce fewer tantrums.

Sertralin certainly takes care of that.

I hate the idea of using prescriptions for long-term, but some people need it.

Temple Grandin did a whole chapter on that in “Thinking in Pictures.”

Tis true that I'm polite and try to be kind to others; however, I am usually either angry or depressed. I have been angry since I was 14. The worst of it was when I was 16; no one ever got hurt, but things would get destroyed easily (including pianos). I've gotten better at managing it, yet again, either I'm always angry or depressed. You're not alone.

I gravitate between not being able to properly process/register/express anger...to great big outbursts over seemingly nothing.
Funny how the wind can change slightly and set me off yelling....But when I am not having a tantrum, I am fairly peaceful, just often stressed out or ill at ease..

My very-ASish friend has major very childlike tantrums at the drop of a hat sometimes...and he is 36...

Yup. I notice I am about the same age and most of you replying on this thread. Life is tough for us around this time, I think things were easier when I was younger. My advice is to pair rage and anxiety with exercise, really intense exercise. It doesn't always work, but I have found it is better than say alcohol at bringing me back to something like calm. Haven't tried on pharmacueticals, tho.

Thanks everyone for your replies.......it is great to get this feedback and know that I am not alone......

16 years ago I was dx with Borderline Personality disorder, PTSD ad Schizoaffective.......I have been on Lithium, Thorazine, Zyprexa, Seroquel, anti depressants and sodium valproate.......I have also been hospitalised due to rage attacks. I have skirted very close to the law in my late adolescent years going in to my 20's. My psychologist and mental health team did their best to keep me safe, other people safe and me out of being incarcerated. I have done 10 years of anger management and all sorts of stuff. I have gone on a long journey of forgiveness.......forgiving myself, forgiving others and most importantly, asking for forgiveness. I have behaved in the most dishonourable ways in the past. Since the Aspergers dx which is quite recent, all my past dx are in question, although I cannot change the past and have no wish to do so.

I am no closer to liking my human brethren much (I am a terrible misanthropist) but am learning to love myself so that I may love others more.

I am also going through terrible hormone disfunction which does not help on the rage scale........I am much better at managing the rage.......but no closer to understanding it......

Yep, I call it "my wolfie"........my massive canine friend that walks beside me.......he is a much my friend as he is my foe........my indelible alter ego......the picture of my rage.......

I like growing up.......at 36 I still feel like a 5 year old girl, with a werewolf for a best friend, and the attitude of an alpha male of my pack. Gosh, I am difficult sometimes......

Big thanks everyone.......I feel better.

Michhsta

Superficially, I’m the opposite of Michhsta, but there’s a point to this post, if I can figure out how to explain it..

By nature, I’m a hopeless wimp. Assertiveness does not come naturally to me. I’m also gullible. When someone tells me that something is impossible, or in some way walks all over me, I fall for it. People lie all the time, and it’s difficult to figure who is to blame for my problems.

My son is the same way. He is now finishing his first semester of college, and the social aspects of it have not been going well.

He had no idea of how to register for next semester’s classes and was not assertive enough to ask. At the last possible opportunity, I took him myself this morning. We waited in the hall for over two hours while others went in one by one, and then we were alone. I finally knocked on the door to find that the academic advisor we needed to see (the “only” one who could help) had snuck off to a staff meeting and that she would not be back. (She later flat-out lied and said that she didn’t know that we were waiting for her.)

I elected at that moment to throw a fabricated temper tantrum. It takes a lot of energy, but I have learned that it is sometimes necessary.

The person I did find tried to say that I couldn’t go in – I told her that I most certainly could and would go to that staff meeting. Then she found someone who was previously unable to help us.

Left to his own devices, my son would have shrugged and walked away, and wasted a whole semester, just because he wasn’t tough enough to push his way through the registration process.

What I do naturally is comparable to pray animals who play dead, or to a mild form of an autistic shut-down. Those small animals, when they do need to rouse themselves, need to go beyond the necessary amount of movement to shake it off. It takes a lot of energy to transform that grief into rage, and to protect myself or to get what I need. It’s easier to blame myself or believe the lies, to quietly take the crap or to go without what I need.

In my case, it’s all a fraud. Calculated. I’m not very good at it and it can be a little clumsy. Sometimes I go a little overboard, not because I’m out of control, but because it’s hard to find that balance. I don’t lose sleep over it – If people would just do what they’re supposed to do when I’m polite, and if they didn’t lie so casually and habitually, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Anyway, back to Michhsta’s issue, anger is not always bad. Sometimes it’s necessary. It’s just hard finding the right balance, or to figure out which person deserves “both barrels.” Too often, they want to confuse you with a bunch of nonsense and lies, blame the victim, pick at the clumsy way you addressed a problem, and never get back to the real issue that started it all.

Shrinks can be the worst offenders in the “blaming the victim” department. It’s easier to give you drugs and tell you to shut up than it is to tell the truth, especially when an authority figure is in the wrong.

Has this post made any sense at all?

[quote="Tahitiii"]Superficially, I’m the opposite of Michhsta, but there’s a point to this post, if I can figure out how to explain it..

By nature, I’m a hopeless wimp. Assertiveness does not come naturally to me. I’m also gullible. When someone tells me that something is impossible, or in some way walks all over me, I fall for it. People lie all the time, and it’s difficult to figure who is to blame for my problems.

My son is the same way. He is now finishing his first semester of college, and the social aspects of it have not been going well.

He had no idea of how to register for next semester’s classes and was not assertive enough to ask. At the last possible opportunity, I took him myself this morning. We waited in the hall for over two hours while others went in one by one, and then we were alone. I finally knocked on the door to find that the academic advisor we needed to see (the “only” one who could help) had snuck off to a staff meeting and that she would not be back. (She later flat-out lied and said that she didn’t know that we were waiting for her.)

I elected at that moment to throw a fabricated temper tantrum. It takes a lot of energy, but I have learned that it is sometimes necessary.

The person I did find tried to say that I couldn’t go in – I told her that I most certainly could and would go to that staff meeting. Then she found someone who was previously unable to help us.

Left to his own devices, my son would have shrugged and walked away, and wasted a whole semester, just because he wasn’t tough enough to push his way through the registration process.

What I do naturally is comparable to pray animals who play dead, or to a mild form of an autistic shut-down. Those small animals, when they do need to rouse themselves, need to go beyond the necessary amount of movement to shake it off. It takes a lot of energy to transform that grief into rage, and to protect myself or to get what I need. It’s easier to blame myself or believe the lies, to quietly take the crap or to go without what I need.

In my case, it’s all a fraud. Calculated. I’m not very good at it and it can be a little clumsy. Sometimes I go a little overboard, not because I’m out of control, but because it’s hard to find that balance. I don’t lose sleep over it – If people would just do what they’re supposed to do when I’m polite, and if they didn’t lie so casually and habitually, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Anyway, back to Michhsta’s issue, anger is not always bad. Sometimes it’s necessary. It’s just hard finding the right balance, or to figure out which person deserves “both barrels.” Too often, they want to confuse you with a bunch of nonsense and lies, blame the victim, pick at the clumsy way you addressed a problem, and never get back to the real issue that started it all.

Shrinks can be the worst offenders in the “blaming the victim” department. It’s easier to give you drugs and tell you to shut up than it is to tell the truth, especially when an authority figure is in the wrong.

Has this post made any sense at all?[/quot

Totally made sense Tahitiii..........I am passive/aggressive........I have also "played dead" in what I have perceived to be extremely dangerous situations and it always seems to be with people that I have loved in the past and they have not been kind to me........but if it is a stranger I feel threatened by, it is full throttle rage. Maybe it is the perceived intimacy I struggle with. The inability to accept that a person who supposedly loves me would be so awful that I do just "shut down". I am also very gullible which makes me suspicious of everyone.......But I also experience rage when questioned and I cannot supply a sufficient enough answer.......I am enraged with myself and the person who put me in that position.

I do know what you mean and thanks for your insightful reply........

I just seem to constantly be a paradox of myself.

Micchsta.....

I have had extreme levels on anger in the past. I don't want to describe what extreme thoughts I had with that anger. I found a very good doctor and got tested. My vitamin D level was very very low. I was very paranoid too. I had lots of trouble falling asleep. I started taking vitamin D pills that he prescribed to me and what a HUGE difference it has made for me. It has helped my mind slow down so its not thinking too much. Its a better alternative than being on Prozac like I was 10 years ago. Anger feels powerfull at times but its a very lonely emotion. No one wants to be around you. Its not good for your health in any way. I find I sleep much better. My mind is much calmer and the anger level is much lower.

TO ALL OF YOU: go and get your blood tested for vitamin levels by a good doctor. In some situations you might be able to get off anxiety drugs or some other drug with side effects. I truly feel better now.

I was very angry when I was 12 and 16. I had rages and held grudges and I was very depressed. I had problems with holding a grudge growing up. But now I try and let things go. Grudges are a waste and then eventually you are driven into depression and rage.

When I get angry, I have a mean streak and show it. I am not so innocent people make me out to be.

I am not a violent person but when I get stressed or having a meltdown, I can get violent. I just hit or throw things. That's how far I will go as being violent. I don't want to break things or hurt people or send anyone off to the hospital or get myself arrested and charged with assault. I do good controlling most of it or else I'd be doing more things during my meltdowns. I used to curl my fists in school so I wouldn't attack anyone. I just yelled, that was it. I once had an outburst by throwing a book at a girl and it got me in school suspension and my mom said "They treated you like a normal student, that's what you wanted."
I once got suspended from one of my softball games for screaming at my aid and throwing a tantrum. I kicked the wired fence and screamed and middle school kids were looking at me. I felt it was unfair.
In my shrink's office, I used to beat the pillow and throw cushions on the floor and my shrink said it was better than doing other things. He always pissed me off and I would have stopped seeing him in a heartbeat but I was forced. He did all these anger managements with me and driving me into rage and trying to get in deep with my feelings and my answers were never good enough for him because they "weren't feelings." Plus he seemed to like blaming everything on my condition making me feel like I am even more of a freak and so impaired. Then he said I didn't have that many problems and I only have some. He made it sound like I had so many. It seemed like I had a lot because he was focused on the negative.

Somtimes I feel I have anger problems. After all I don't do good during stress. It makes it harder for me to control my anxiety and emotions and my anger and I go into shut down.

My main partner has had many (assumably) NT-but-possibly-borderline female companions who have beat the living daylights out of him just for saying careless things..He has talked of bloody clumps of hair and things like that...I may have anger control issues, but my reactions are not nearly as bad as the ones he has described from these past partners...it makes me not know what to think about the true nature of my anger control issues..

I'm currently in trouble with the law for something which happened out of anger a little over a year and a half ago (took this long for them to get around to it ) - which was result of fear of being evicted and becoming homeless because someone wasn't holding up their end of an agreement we made after I'd bailed them out of a fix (not jail). Been homeless before, do NOT want to do that again.

At this point none of us see, given the givens, how it could have not happened.
There is a point where I keep beating myself about one place in the chain of events where it looks like I could have made a decision to not do what I did.
But, again, given the givens, it is generally accepted that something of similar nature was going to happen at that point. No matter what.
But I'm having a difficult time accepting that.

It has been found that for me anger is often a veneer over some kind of fear.
The stronger and/or deeper the fear the more intense the anger.

Stress and over-stimulation also produce anger responses a lot of times.

So can being startled.

I have no majestic and elegant answer on how to help you ease the situation.
Don't even have an ugly cobbled together out of scraps from the bin answer.


Hmm . . . "cobbled together out of scraps from the bin", yep, that's my life.

I wish I could control my temper. I've been told that when I'm feeling like I'm going to explode, take a break or go for a walk or something. Trouble is that it's a hair-trigger. It goes from zero to ten in the blink of an eye.