taking 4.5 yr olds comments to heart

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Hi,
I am seperated from my husband and we have a 4 1/2 year old son. On friday when his father picked him up, they were just about to leave and I gave our son a kiss and cuddle, as he was walking away he said "i won't miss you mum" It broke my heart, I have been in tears on and off ever since.
I went balistic last night and put alot of his toys in a cupboard, took the ABC magnets off the fridge that he likes playing with.....
I am due to pick him up tonight.......and I am scared of not being emotionally availiable for him as I am still upset.....any thaughts/ advice would be appreciated.Thanks.

Do you think maybe someone asked him "You're not going to miss your mom, are you?" and he took it to mean that he shouldn't miss you, so he was trying to be nice???? Or maybe he usually misses you and decided that this time he wouldn't???

hmm, interesting, I really don't know.......
He usually says he missed me when he gets back, but has never said anything like this before he has gone....so ....don't know....just really still hurt by the coments........but I guess thats an aspie thing isnt it....taking things to heart and holding on to them for too long sometimes.......

I'm sure he didn't mean anything malicious by it, but yes I can hold a grudge as well, which my boyfriend can attest to.

Ok, thanks,
Now I just have to get my head around being ok for when he is due back.......

My assumption would be that he simply didn't want you to worry that he was going to spend the weekend homesick and upset.

I think he wanted you NOT to worry. He didn't mean he would never think of you - just that you should know he was okay.

Silly goose - how could you take offense to that? Little man's trying to protect your feelings, not hurt them.

I'm with Willard on this. I think the wee guy is trying to be brave and he was trying to let you know everything would be all right and you weren't to get upset.

My husband and I are also separated and my son, now almost 8, is AS. When I say goodbye to him when he's staying with his father, he simply waves his hand in my direction and doesn't even look up from his DS!

Hugs for you! It is hard, especially when they are so little.

It could easily have been a miss communication. Four and a half year old's are not known as great wordsmiths. One possible meaning is that he somehow got the idea that missing someone is a sign of weakness and is overcompensating the other way. It's very hard to understand exactly what a child is thinking and why.

I once was that boy. My advice is let his father have him for a much longer period of time. He’ll realize how much he misses you.

I agree completely--he was telling you, in his own way, that he'll survive until you are again reunited--because he sees that your separation is worse for you than for him.

So try to relax--maybe get busy in the kitchen and make him something special for his return.

Thank you for the replys, appreciate it lots.
I guess I am a silly goose hey.... it is hard when they are little and maybe not mean everything they say, the way they say it....and of course I just take everything so literally........it didn't even enter my head he didn't mean EXACTLY what he said, that there could be another way to look at it.....grrr.....

Thanks again everyone, I do feel sooo much better now.

I assume you have full custody? I think he was assuring you he won't miss you because he be back. Why miss someone if you will see them again a few days later or the next day?
I tell my husband I won't miss him and say I didn't miss him.

Perhaps you'd said something to him that maybe made him think that you felt sad when he seemed sad. Him missing you is him being sad, right? So maybe he felt like he shouldn't miss you, so told you he wouldn't so that you wouldn't worry and be sad. Kids work in deep psychological ways I've come to find x

Ask the kid. If your are teaching him to be sincere he should be able to explain himself.

From what I have personally seen in the 23 years of my life, over 90% of parents do not talk to their kids like real people, they talk to them lacking seriousness and facts.
Kids ask about sex and end up saying some corny stuff about a seed or probably ignore and change the topic(I went through this as a kid).
Lies about Santa, toothfairy, gods. Scaring them to have them comply(I actually heard a mother say to her 2 year old son, trying to keep him close to her at a park, "lets go lets go the police is coming", I was like WTF that is what parents use today instead of the boogieman, the police?... Not that I'm saying police are pleasant people either).

i have the opposite problem. My ability to process language has always been slow so i ended up listening to people's feelings or what they mean to say rather than their words.

For instance just the other day my daughter screamed "i hate you." all i heard was that she was hurting, very frustrated and angry that i (the person most important in her life) was not taking her seriously. Now we were at home so i was able to answer appropriately, but if we were out in public it would have been a nightmare as people would have treated my reaction as inappropriate. (why aren't you scolding such a spoiled brat! would be what they'd be "shouting")

ASPER: love your avatar. it has me mesmorized....