Trying to Live Independendly but keep messing up..:(

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I am 32 now, I hoped by 2010 to move out of my parents place, I love the country and where I am, but I reach out and seek to be independent, but I keep impulsively spending on so much stuff, it is unreal, well maybe that's what i do, I try to make blueprints, good ideas, but I just always fall into pleasing someone else and putting myself second it is very hurtful to me deep inside, but i never cry in real person, it is always in my head like what is wrong with me , can i do this? Last time i tried a woman used me took my job, and then, luckily my parents let me back with them, if i lose my SSI i am over, done with, it is really confusing , yet i do want to try to work and make my life productive... IT HURTS

I had been trying to move from my father's house since I was 22. Not that I didn't want to do it before, but I didn't have a good job back then. Every time I brought the subject, he played mind games to trick me into staying. There was one day when we had a really serious discussion and I slept at a friend's house that night. Again, I let my father convince me to return.
At 26 I had already earned the degree he had forced me to study for, and my two older siblings were already living on their own in another city. What I did was choose a job that had offices in that city as well, and I'm now studying (for the degree I really want) at a university that has offices nationwide. Then, all of a sudden, I requested to be moved at both work and study. The paperwork was easier than I thought. I just had to save for half a year and then buy my airplane ticket; I had a job waiting for me anyway.
My father was very skeptical of the seriousness of my intent, but the fact that I had all bases covered gave me the confidence to ignore his objections.
Upon arrival, I stayed with my sister for a couple of weeks until my brother got me a room I could rent. Six months later, I'm sharing an apartment with a roommate I had planned to live with since the beginning. He also moved from my hometown, and our company is what keeps our resolution alive.
So my first advice to you is: find someone who is willing to be your roommate and who will accept you 100%. Someone you'll feel comfortable being around, someone who won't judge you for being yourself. Finding a job to support yourself is of course vitally important, but the company you keep everyday is what keeps you going.

I would like to add just network with as many people as you can wherever you are. It can be just irl, or find people that suit your interests in the place you will be moving to online as well, cause you just never know.