Somebody for me?

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Maybe someone here could relate?

I've never allowed myself to get into a serious relationship, only an extended casual one that lasted years. Maybe I just had to get that out of my system, but I still don't feel comfortable in a relationship and I'm 28. I hate to even write that. I fear I may not be designed for a relationship. I talk to myself constantly when I'm alone, I'm so afraid it would freak a partner out if we lived together. I think I have APD (Avoidant personality disorder) and I've come to cherish my solitude way way too much, even as I wish I could go out more. I've resolved to keep exposing myself to social situations but we'll see how long I keep that up.

I'm just kinda concerned is all. I'm worried I may have too many quirks for a long term relationship. Or I may not, I have to see.

I can relate. On a side note, I'm wondering about these personality disorders designations. Aren't they just a label for symptoms of something else? I guess it depends on the time of onset.

Sometimes I wonder if anybody at all is really designed for a relationship. I think most people have their doubts about whether they're really fit for the task. I'd say only try it if you feel a strong need to go that route. Personally, in spite of a lot of failures I seem to be hell-bent on seeing it as the right way for me.

Most people are in your boat, only they don't have insight. You seem to... I think.

There are a lot of quirky people in the world. The key is finding someone with quirks that are compatible with your quirks, and not to expect a relationship between two quirky people to be some stereotype of what a "normal, healthy" relationship would be for "normal" people.
Talking to yourself is really not an unusual thing, I don't see how that would really get in the way of a relationship with anybody you might actually want to be in a relationship with.
And there are plenty of other people who need solitude, need time to themselves to pursue interests.. I don't really understand the bizarre taboo on having solitary interests.
Most of the time I'm doing my own thing and Kris is doing his own thing, it's quite wonderful.
And we had roommates (who were a couple) who had met in WoW. They were rather great roommates, because they really didn't exist in this world!

I like this outlook. I don't want to have to hide parts of me for rest of my life -not that I think I could.

Don't think that AS keeps you this way either. I have lots of friends that are very happy single. They, too, have casual relationships, but nothing serious, and they are very happy.

And just for the record, I'm NT, and I talk to myself all the time, lol. It's not unusual. It's normal. At least I've been told I'm normal. So totally boringly normal.

I'm the opposite of some of you, I guess. I have had lots of serious relationships-including two marriages, both with men who were not in any way suited to me. I tend to jump at the chance of being loved. I've been alone for 3 years now, since my last divorce. Really, I was alone through that whole five year marriage as we slept in separate rooms and seldom spoke. We married because I had my son.
Now, I have fallen into another relationship. With a guy who thrills me in all the wrong ways. He has no interest in books or literature or poetry.....no interest in any of the things I am interested in. He basically just wants to talk about him. It's weird-I like it that my whole mind goes silent when I'm with him. His voice has this magical quality to it, I just listen to him and I love it. But I am sure he's terrible for me-my private nickname for him is The Silver Tongued Devil.
I wonder if I would ever find anyone who would actually like the things I like. Or do I need the otherness? I love being lost in his world, it's like how i feel when I write or play music. It's like a drug. But I don't think that's healthy love. I wonder what i should do?
The trouble is, he made me realize I don't really like being alone. So now I would want to date. But how would i ever do that? I don't go to public places if I can help it!! !!

I can't tell you what to do, and opposites do attract very often, but you said he's made you realize you don't want to be alone. Did you talk to him about this? Be careful he's not manipulating you. I know my boyfriend can be very easily manipulated. I see his family do it often. Please be careful.

I totally understand where you are coming from with this. I went to a concert with a guy I work with. We get on really well. Our arms kept touching as we were jostled together by the crowd. We had a great evening. HOwever, he is married to someone else. I can't have him. But he has made me realise that I don't like being alone. But where am I gonna meet someone? I feel trapped in an bubble of emptiness.

I am 28 and I have never been in a relationship. I am doubting that I have the skills required.

I once was in love with someone who shared my interests. We also worked together, but he was my boss and I didn't pluck up the courage to tell him how I felt until about 6 months after I left. By then he was going out with someone else. So I missed my window of opportunity (if I had ever had one) But having somone to share the things I love with was amazing. I felt like we connected on a level that I have never connected on before. He is musical and writes songs. But I don't know if all that was just an illusion. I have had to let him go.

That might be a blessing in disguise - if you were to go against your instinct and start trying to go to crowded events, you'd probably find that most of the people you met liked crowds. But by sticking to places and activities you prefer, although the chances of meeting somebody are reduced, at least you'll be more likely to have stuff in common.

Sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone. Billy Joel

Your best bet is to get all that stuff out in the open, in the beginning. Tell your bf/gf that you talk to yourself when your alone, instead of hiding it. If they don't like it...tough crap. I used to drive myself crazy worrying about all my 'flaws', and whether they'd be accepted or not, then I eventually got to a point where i said "screw it". Now, I don't hide anything. I used to be a heroin addict, and that used to bother me alot, thinking that every girl would see me as 'not worthy' when they found out about it, but it isn't an issue for me anymore. If they don't like it, they can kiss my ass. Yeah, i f****d up in my past, but that doesn't mean I'm any different than if i hadn't done it. If anything, it humbled me, making me less judgemental of others.(got some killer 'street smarts' too ) *is babbling*LOL

Anyway....my point is, that it's better to just be honest up front, rather than wasting each others' time. It isn't logical to hide something that could kill the relationship, while both parties could be out spending their time looking for the person that suits them better.

Why do you feel you have to change? It is because that's what the norm wants? What about what "you" want? Remember the cartoon "Popeye"? "I yam what I yam!" That's what made him cool. He was himself and didn't care. So, eat your spinach and stop complaining.

YEAH!