Dealing with Stress

Post Reply New Topic

I am 28 years old and I get stressed out easily. For starters, I just started living on my own and have felt pressured all week. I really feel like I got pushed over the edge when my aunt came over and had agreed to help me put up my decorations and then a wall rack in the laundry room. She then went on to nag at me about wanting to buy a filter last night and started going off about things needed to be in chronological order. Meanwhile, I was thinking, "Do you have to do this now? Go home and stop bothering me!" I didn't say it out loud but I got frustrated because she had stayed longer than she said. I often get stressed out when she comes in and talks me about doing her certain way.

How do I keep myself from stressing out.

I can relate to that particular stress, where someone else decides it's "busy time" when you're not ready to do it, or when you are ready they do the project in such a different way than you that it becomes harder than if they just left you to work alone. It's like running on a treadmill that's just a little too fast and all you want to do is stop but you don't know how to. Sometimes, all you can do is say to the person, "Look, thanks for your help, but I really have a particular way I like to arrange things, and I have to do it myself." Hopefully, they'll understand.

The only thing that works for me consistently is Aikido. Not walking near the ocean (bleh), not walking in the park (bleh), not meditative practice (double bleh), not raging on a punching bag (meh), not jogging(ow), not push-ups(blarg), but Aikido training.

I don't like to use this word, but it is the most accurate one. It does not just exercise me, it exOrcises me.

It lights a candle in my head. No, not just a candle - it is a full-blown searchlight at the shore.

A month without Aikido shrinks my world back and paints a startling picture of alternate-universe-me who have not had this anchor in their life. I revert to being a slave of my neuroses.

Aikido is life.

speaking frankly, short of drowning one's sorrows, there is nothing quite as stress-relieving as a good orgasm.

I agree with Sacrip. Stand up to her. Say to her something like "look, I know you mean well, but you're overloading me and I can't handle it. This stuff doesn't all have to be done right now. I'm stressed out and I need to be alone for a while."

I know it's easy for me to type that........it's much harder to do it, especially if she's established some kind of habit of dominating you. I can just about manage that kind of firmness these days, but only if I'm getting regular practice in asserting my opinions, and even then people can take me by surprise and before I know where I am, I've gone and let them ride roughshod over me. And of course if you're stressed, it's harder to be articulate and precise. I just revert to either caving in completely or getting downright hostile.

She sounds like she's being quite overbearing with you and doesn't realise that her behaviour is harmful. I don't cope at all well with people like that - I don't know anybody who does. Nearest thing I get to it these days is my wife, who has often judged me to be in need of correction. It's crazy because I've lived alone for years without coming to any harm....what I object to is the automatic assumption that I'm wrong. It took me a long time to find the middle ground, to learn how to break it to her gently that her kind attempts to "help" me were not appropriate. She'd get angry and that would really scare me and stress me out, but little by little she's come to modify her approach, which would probably never have happened without my intervention. We're both very stubborn people. What made it particularly difficult was that I hate to rain on her parade....there's no way of countering an invasion without hurting the invader at least a little bit, and I'd often feel terrible for doing that, almost as if I'd punched her, but I began to realise that the hurt I was causing was both necessary and finite.

Or you can just let yourself be shafted and try to burn off the stress when she's gone. But that, for me, would be very unsatisfactory. I'm a strong believer in benign confrontation and trying to drain off the bath water without letting the baby go down the plug hole.

I destress on message boards.

I drink a lot.

Hey Miyah, that's a difficult one huh. I would also explain to your aunt how she's making you feel. Just tell her that you appreciate all her help but she's overwhelming you, you're already under enough stress with moving to a new place and doing it for the first time (which are big stressors).

I don't know the exact situation but I have to wonder what is her motivation for acting like that with you. You're going to have to stand your ground or continue to let her come into your home and dominate you.

My mother did this to me one time and that was the last time. I tried to be nice but she was determined that she was going to be in charge and walk all over me and my husband. So it did get ugly. But no one ever came into my home and did that to me ever again, well except my two husbands but that's because I was married to them and it was their home too.

If you choose to tolerate her behavior, you might want to find something to do that helps relieve the excess stress your aunt causes. Try to find ways to ensure her visit will be short so you only have to deal with her for short periods of time. Take care of yourself Miyah.
Taupey

[quote="ToughDiamond"]I agree with Sacrip. Stand up to her. Say to her something like "look, I know you mean well, but you're overloading me and I can't handle it. This stuff doesn't all have to be done right now. I'm stressed out and I need to be alone for a while."

It's easier said than done. I used to practice these kind of conversations in my head and on paper. But when push comes to shuff my whole stomach was in a turmould and as a result I let it go, didn't say anything. It is depending on the person your dealing with. Your and is very over powering and therefor a difficult start to express your assertiveness. some days you are better in it then other days. I had therapy and assertiveness training, but it is still difficult at times, also asking people for help can be a problem. But what can they do, say no? Perhaps you are afraid to say something to your ant because of how she would react? Or how you would react yourself. You can learn this in assertivenesstraining durring roleplay. Also since I am taking tablets for my anxiety things inside me are a lot calmer.

I find that alone time helps me to deal with my stress.