I'm not sure exactly when my paticulars began to show there head, I did some wierd and dangerous stuff as a child apparently. I remember once crying for hours until my mom became frustrated with me and gave up trying to console me. I remember my dad saying that I just need time on my own to get over it and that was comforting to me. I wish I remember what it was that was bothering me so badly.
Initially, I have good memories of my childhood with my mom but to put it like my mom sais, that was when I used to be cute. So what happened internally that eventually led to me try running away as a toddler, and then the time in my early teens I was sharing a bed with her during a visit at my grandmothers, while in my sleep I grabbed her throat and kicked at her. This horifying event of my past, that I cannot remember is very unsettling for me. I have always been a very active sleeper. I have recently entertained vivid dreams where there are people in a relationship where I should be happy for them, but it seems my attitude and my presence is a spoiler for them. I feel like a third wheel which they feed off of and flaunt their sexual chemistry. I have just started to realize the strain I have put on the lives of the people around me, not the least of being my parents and their relationship.
I have friends who have mother issues that tend to manifest in realtionship complexes or insecurities, but I want to identify where my animosity comes from and hopefully avoid my own pitfalls. So what I want to ask, is there anyone who has resolved some troubling mother issues that they have resolved and it has helped in dealing with the condition?
16 Jun 2010, 2:20 am
