Controlling my anger

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Yesterday,
two friends and I went out to a meet up and get together, and we met inside a train station. We were on our way out of the train station and I got caught in the gates and had to go back through. I then got on the other side and was ready to talk to my friends when the attedant made things worse by giving me grief that I needed to go back through instead of asking if I was ok. So, I told her to shut up in a very loud voice. She then yelled back at me to shut up, and I responded to her by spitting on her, and she took the law into her own hands by grabbing my and slamming me against a news paper stand and told me that I don't ever do that to her again. My friend even tried talking to her and telling her of the AS, and she yelled as her and kicked all three of us out of the station.

How should I respond the next time an attendent tries to push their weight around like that before sinking to their level?

I think you should report this to the manager of the station. Give them the time of the incident and where it took place; they should have the name of the employee.

You were wrong to shout at her, but you were shaken after getting caught in the gates and she got in your face and you lost your temper. It wasn't the best way to handle the situation, but a lot of people would have done the same. The spitting was out of line; technically you have assaulted her, but she had absolutely no right to use physical restraint.

To avoid things like this in future, if you have already gotten through to the other side, ignore her and just walk off. Leave this woman to huff and puff if she likes, you haven't done anything wrong. Don't rise to people like this; they like to kid themselves they have more power than they really do.

If you are still stuck on the wrong side, be very calm and speak clearly and slowly. Don't shout, and definitely never spit.

edit; whilst I think reporting the incident may be a good idea, I wouldn't recommend trying to press charges; they may counter sue you for the spitting or throw the case out.

I just complained to the costumer service today and told them the situation and the fact that she acted like a bully and provoked my to do what I did. However, the person on the other end gave me grief how wrong I was and told me that it was expected of her to restrain me like that.

> How should I respond the next time an attendent tries to push their weight around like that before sinking to their level?

You must learn to think calmly before you react. That means inhibit your reactions (hard -- try meditation, lots of it) and don't respond until you've cooled down. Analyze what happened and where you went wrong: You didn't need to say shut up. That just escalated things and it rarely has the desired effect. Spitting on someone could have got you in jail or beaten up. Consider yourself lucky.

If someone spat at me I would kick their ass.

Sorry. Wish I could be more supportive. But basically at the moment you decided to spread your saliva around you crossed over from being in the right to being in the wrong. It is legally regarded as an assualt.

So let it go before you give them your name and address allowing you to be banned from the station and trains.

Honestly, I think if you were being bullied after being stuck in an elevator, you would be angry too if someone talked to you like that. With you being on the spectrum, I am sure that you get frustrated at times yourself. I spat at her because I felt like she being more of a bully than really trying to see if I was okay and that is what set me off. I felt like she could have handled the situation better instead of picking a fight and then having to kick me out of the station and being a power house..

Now that was no excuse for me...however, I had a hard time communicating because I was shaken up.

I can understand your anger, but I understand her's as well.

I also find it hard to control/contain my anger, especially whilst in traffic or public transit, I try to avoid using my car or travel at times when the density of people is small.
People with even a little authority try to misuse it whenever possible and on the easiest victim. In this case, you.

Listening to classical music (not Wagner, too bombastic ) calms me down, when I'm amongst people I put in my earplugs and look straight through them, it's easier to ignore people when you can pretend you can't hear them (I hear almost everything, that's not always a good thing).
Taking a shower also calms me down, I like the warm water, it's soothing, but can't do that in public.

Thread resurrection here, but I'm new and I have issues with anger too.

I'm generally not quite so confrontational as you describe, at least not since I was a kid. I'm more of the frown, fidget, swear under my breath kind of person when it comes to people angering me.

I tend to suffer from depression. I mention this because the anti-depression medications I have been on have pretty much only had one positive effect, they help me control my anger. I can sometimes feel my anger building, when it happens over days or weeks, and popping a Prozac for a couple of days greatly diminishes it. I can still be prone to sudden bursts, but I'm slowly beginning to recognize even when those start to happen.

However it still wasn't right what happened to you.

If someone spit on me, I probably would have done the same thing.

Obviosuly I also have anger issues.