A Funny Joke for us Older Aspies

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An 80-year-old man goes for a physical.. All of his tests come back
with normal results.
The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing
mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight..
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!
The light goes on.. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says. A little later in the day,
the doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' George is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!
The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light
goes off?'

'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!

Wives are more tolerant than doctors.

You would be rich!

I like the idea, but unfortunately wasn't able to laugh because I found myself thinking that surely she/they would have noticed the pee in the fridge already.
.

If he's peeing in the fridge I dread to think where he keeps the milk. I wouldn't want a cup of tea from that household.

I literally finished reading that, (I'd heard it before and love it )
opened my e-mail, and got this :

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:

"PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT."

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read:
"BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS."

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor
to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN."

The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so
she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10."

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE."


The Bishop was buried the next day.

Awesome!

Here's one to tell young people:

The Over 30 Crowd
If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!


But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a freakingletter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD ! !! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!! ! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!! ! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! ! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!! ! NO REMOTES!! ! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!


And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd