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paolo
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17 Oct 2008, 2:13 am

We fear others, we need them and their sympathy. Affection is out of our reach. Love? Oh love, love, what a difficult impossible goal, its like pretending to climb the Everest being very old and lame, paralytic. Most humans believe they have found love, but what they have found is only sex with some crumbs of gratitude for the human from whom they have obtained access to physical intimacy.
So you wander around as a beggar tacitly demanding a smile. A smile sincere when you ask to buy a loaf of bread or a newspaper. Shopkeepers are the most apt people who can furnish a smile. It’s part of their trade. They are even mostly sincere.
You are supposed no to be able to interpret cues. As for me, a flaneur in search of smiles in the streets, I can distinguish counterfeit smiles. And live on sincere smiles.
Then there are animals. They don’t lie.
The only danger is not to receive the smile by some one from whom you expect it. For me it's an aggression. So there always some fear in your begging. Need-fear. You must thread lightly always.
Then there is the gravest danger of all: outright aggression (not physical). You must thread lightly and be vigilant.


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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
--Samuel Beckett


insincere
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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26 Jun 2010, 1:43 am

well said my man....I am very leary of smiling, I actually use my own smile (which poeple love) at unsual moments to throw peoples understanding of my baseline behavior off



blue_bean
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26 Jun 2010, 4:16 am

It's better to think that things like love understanding and affection don't exist, or at least, not know what it's like to experience them. That way you will never hunger or desire for them. The pain of never receiving these things is nothing compared to the pain of receiving then losing them (IMO). The fear will always be there; fear of not having them, fear of losing them when you do.



Exclavius
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06 Jul 2010, 3:03 pm

It is NOT better to pretend they don't exist. it is NOT better to pretend they are out of reach! As an aspie you will NOT experience them the same way as NTs, so looking for what NTs describe will likely be a fruitless task, but trying to help an NT find what they describe will be fulfilling. Just be patient with them when you gently let them know what it is that you get the most pleasure, enjoyment, relaxation etc from. But if you never try for love you will never find the other pleasures that it can offer you. We cant learn by rote or example like NTs can we have to learn from experience, and the failure will hurt but the efforts will pay off eventually!