Do Platonic Relationships Work?

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Are simple friendships between men and women possible? I know at least three people who say something to the affect that "Men and Women cannot be friends!". What is your opinion? What makes them work or Not?

I ask because I am going through a personal issue that I have posted about in another section of the Forum (I should have posted it in this section).

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt130814.html

Thanks,

Paul

It is quite possible, trouble with such relationship mostly come from your own and/or the other partner, who risk to develop jealousy easier and possibly more virulent then with same sex friend.


People tend to be more competitive against other of the same sex.

Could well be.

I get along almost exclusively with women.

Have you seen "When Harry Met Sally"?

I saw it many Years ago, don't remember a thing about it. Does it have something to tell us about this issue?

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail them too.

Yes. If both people are willing.
I used to date a guy for a couple years. Now we still live in the same place, but we are just roommates and friends. We realized we liked each other but didn't quite fit as a couple.
We were still close, and wanted to remain friends, so we are. Some people may think that's weird, but it's been fine for over a year.

Personally I think you can have a platonic relationship. I know people that think it isn't possible to have them. Strangely...they're all guys

It is because men have higher sex drives and it's hard to resist being attracted to females as a man.

Suppose it's possible if you grew up with the person and thought of them like a sibling. Even then, some guys want to see their sisters naked.

Also, men are much more willing to overlook personality deficiencies if the female is attractive. It is very easy to be get "friend zoned" as a male.

I do have a few attractive female friends that I would not mind sleeping with if given the opportunity, but I would not because I do not want to jeopardize the friendship.

Technically that is a platonic friendship if I am suppressing those thoughts and actions. But I suppose from a female's view point it is just as guilty.

Men have f****d up brains. It keeps humans from going extinct.

Last edited by CJame on 04 Jul 2010, 2:59 am, edited 3 times in total.

Like I said before, Women seem to do Platonic a whole lot better than Men.

I don't think it can be done.

I can work with women but I don't think we can be "friends"

The more personal we get the more I think it could be a sexual relationship.

Once you're old enough for testosterone and child-rearing to drop out of the equation, simple liking, caring and friendship have a chance.

If they're both single or working together, yeah. It's trickier if either of you are in a relationship though, unless you manage to make them a mutual friend quickly. Even then, it depends on your partner.

I figure, bi-sexuals manage to have friends. So, yeah, it's possible. At least some of the time.

I'm female, heterosexual, and have male friends. All of those have come out of common social circles. No planning to get together ever involved until after they were already a friend.

Being married makes it easier, I think, because there's never an issue of what the nature of the relationship is.

Your partner doesn't seem to, judging by those logs you linked to. Platonic doesn't usually include having a crush on a potential sexual rival. And declaring it......I don't think I could do that while I had a steady partner - only time I have was when I had to give that as my reason for needing to stop meeting a lady I'd been getting a little too close to when I was married. And I also knew that if I could have feelings like that for another woman, there was something very wrong with my marriage. But I found that telling the lady only made it worse....encouraged by the proof of my weakness for her, she didn't find it too difficult to ease her way back into my life. I'm probably as safe as men get, but I don't entirely trust myself with other women. I still tend to imagine that nobody could possibly want me sexually, which lulls me into a false sense of security when I'm dealing with women, so I can easily underestimate the effectiveness of my charms.

She could be just fooling about, but either way I think she's being pretty irresponsible. If it were me, I'd delay any marriage deal until it's sorted out. I wouldn't try to directly stop her (though it might not be such a bad idea), but I'd make sure she knew that if she wanted a relationship that was that open, I wasn't the right guy.

I think it's possible to have platonic friends, though I suspect it's rare. There's usually some kind of sexual awareness in me whenever I have much to do with women. It's not a lot of bother with most women because it's not normally anything like as strong as a crush, so usually I can pretty much dismiss it for the crap it is and get on with reality, but sometimes it's quite potent, especially if I've got serious problems relating to my official partner, and especially if the other woman seems to compensate for stuff that's lacking in my main relationship, or if I've been feeling especially lonely. Sometimes I think I'd do well with gay women....it must be great to feel free to be as affectionate to them as I want to be, without all the sexual tension spoiling things. I once had a promiscuous partner who had a gay bloke as a friend, and I sensed immediately that he wasn't after her the way most guys were, so I didn't have to hate him, and he was able to help her a lot without any sexual complications.

Don't know if women are generally better at platonic than men. I think they're often quieter about their sexual feelings, and maybe they feel the adultery taboo more strongly than men do (promiscuous males are seen as admirably successful, if somewhat sly, while promiscuous women are just seen as filfth). I think those old taboos still have a strong influence - even the most paranoid husband doesn't usually worry about his wife having dinner with her brother, yet there's no biological reason why relatives wouldn't fancy each other, as far as I know.

I guess it can be a really difficult issue........especially for Aspies who can't so easily sense what their partners and their acquaintances are up to. A neurotypical could probably ask the right questions and draw their conclusions from the body language. Time was when I'd just angrily threaten to dump partners who engaged in too much scary behaviour. These days I'd probably do much the same but without the anger featuring so heavily, I'd probably just explain that sexual loyalty was one of the most important things I'm after in a partner, and dump them if it didn't improve. In rare cases I might try the "what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander" tactic - start by just saying that, and if that doesn't work, see how she likes the same thing from me. Though it's not really fair on a third party, to use them like that just to fix a wayward partner.