Child custody fears.

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I overheard a conversation between my dad and my sister about a dream in which she died. My dad asked her "what would I do with your son." The son in question is 16 months old.

Now this got me thinking. What would happen if a caretaker for her child died. My dad usually takes care of her child while she is at school or while she plays around on Facebook. When I get home I have to take care of her child until he is fed and ready to take a bottle (which I let my dad do). I have already made plans that in the event of his death, I have a letter written to my sister telling her that I have no more intentions of taking care of her son. Since I am dealing with my own psychological issues, I already have a strong, though unvoiced, resentment of taking care of her son for her (since she is too impatient and irresponsible to do it herself). I have an utter revulsion for this sister since she treats me like crap most of the time.

My sister has custody of her son (the kid's father a convicted drug dealer and is in prison until at least 2013).

My dad is 72 and although his health is relatively good at the moment, that could always change. He had a shoulder injury a couple of years ago and has complained once or twice of mini-heart attacks due to stress.

The fear of him dying always leaves jitters in my spine (I have huge levels of anxiety about him possibly dying while I am still in college - about 2 weeks of this semester and sixteen weeks of next semester until I graduate). I have anxiety issues, moderate-to-severe depression and ADHD in addition to Aspergers. I talk to myself when I am alone and cry easily (I have broken down into tears while watching her son).

I asked my dad about a hypothetical situation in which both him and my little sister (the child's mother ) died or she couldn't be a parent. He said custody would go to my other sister, and then to me. I am a college senior without a job right now,,and I do not expect to have a job that pays decently/benefits for at least a couple of years to more than a decade. Which means that post-graduation, I will probably be in a low-wage job for a few years. Then, I will be moving out of state to attend graduate school for a Master's of Library Science program. I expect to both work and attend classes for at least 2 years. I don't personally feel I can provide for the child and, once I do get into a good job, I am uncomfortable about having to set aside money to take care of a child that I would rather spend on building a science fiction library, go to science fiction/anime/nerd conventions, and follow my passions.

I am gay and masturbate to strange things when I am alone in my room. I am also extremely liberal about profanity and I drink a bit socially. I am into anime and science fiction (my sister referred to me as a "smelly anime nerd" and said that I would corrupt her chold into the same if I spent time with him). I really don't like anyone in my family. As it stands, my dad puts pressure on me to "act straight" and tells me that he wants me to have a family later on. I personally have no desire to have children or enter into a heterosexual marriage.

I have other family, but both of my older sisters from my dad's previous marriage are happy singles w/o children. My aunt on my mom's side is a conservative fundamentalist Christian (obsessed about the Rapture and end times) and hasn't had any contact with me (or any member of the family for that matter) since she considers me a heathen. All of my grandparents are dead. My mom is not employed and subsisting off of SSI until she can collect Social Security in about 9 years (SSI only pays around 675 USD per month).

I am left in a moral conundrum. According to my dad, if the hypothetical situation of both my dad and sister dying occurs, he would first go to my sister, and barring that, to me. If push comes to shove, I have no qualms about saying no if Health and Welfare asks me to take the kid.

I have no desire to take care of a child that I don't want. I am depressed most of the time because I don't feel like I can do what I want (so the little sister can play around with her friends or do class work). And this is with my dad helping me! One thing I'm afraid of is that I get too engrossed with what is going on on the internet that I momentarily forget where he is in my bedroom.

But, my problem is that a lot of people, my dad included, feel I should take the burden if push comes to shove, since "I am family." But I cannot in good conscience accept the responsibility nor do I want to.

What would you do in this situation? Am I justified in saying no to any sort of custodianship

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. There's absolutely no way you'd be given custody of this child, given what you've said here (you are not in the position to be an adequate caretaker). That's my opinion, based on what I've seen over the years. Don't forget, though the child's father is in jail, there's his family to consider, too.

Bottom line-- you had nothing to do with bringing the kid into the world. You have no moral obligation to care for him, unless you promise that you will.

Taking the kid's hypothetical point of view for a minute-- I'd rather be raised by a foster family that wanted me than a relative that resented me.

That's nothing against you. Take it from a mom of three-- people who don't want to raise kids shouldn't have to.

If your sister doesn't want to take care of her own kid-- Well, that begs a really, really rude question. She ought to put a nickel between her knees and keep it there.

What about family pressure though? Families will make you feel guilty about you not wanting to play a role. Should you just keep your plans to yourself or is it okay to make clear what your views are to family members?

I've told my dad how I feel about this potential custodial situation, but he thinks I should be will to take care of him if the need arises. Of the same token, I've tried to make clear also that I am gay, but he seems to think I'm not.

I mean, I love my nephew, but I just can't imagine taking care of him for another 18 years. He might be okay if he starts playing video games and reading books and playing tabletop games, but what if, he ends up doing street crime and drugs in adolescence. I have a need to get away, and that's not a good trait if you are a parent. I'm too quiet a person and too easy to cave in under stress, I don't think I could physically handle the stress of dealing with the police as well as a moody teenager. Having to deal with my angry, combative, shallow little sister (his mother) is already hard enough for me, and I barely interact with her (my dad mentioned on occasion that I should try to talk to her).