lonliness and getting older

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Does anyone else find the world starts to shrink as you get older? When in your teens, 20s, there seems to be more social acceptance for difference. There are several different crowds to choose from: hippy, geeky, punky, wild, bookworm, etc. As one gets older, social acceptance for difference diminishes. The pressure to conform becomes harsher.

And once you become a parent, this pressure can become unbearable at times. (for instance i don't dare go to the parents forum at WP! scary unloving place that is.) I used to have really free-thinking open minded friends. But then kids come along. I'm ostracized for doing things differently. And i'm not sure where to go sometimes.

If you have kids, you are doing better than me. Which also implies that you have a stable relationship with someone. Heck. Why do you need anyone else?

I've found that the older you get, the more tolerant people get. You do have the curmudgeon factor (I'm in that club!) but the egos of youth tend to fade, and get replaced by impatience at youthful ignorance and haughtiness.

Hmm, I'm experiencing that, but for opposite reasons: no kids, spouse, career, mortgage, etc. I'm more different from my 'peers' than I was as a teenager (which I never would have considered possible, before). A bunch more reasons on top of the existing pile not to bother talking to anybody.

From some perspective the world shrinks with age (I am 77). When you are young the world looks wide and fascinating, You are curious and your tolerance grows from a desire to listen and explore. Novelties are attractive. You listen to others and are ready to change you opinions.
Getting old you move less, not only physically, but also mentally. And you meet adults or old people with sclerotized ideas to which they stay attached. Exploring the world further appears an useless effort. If not life, vitality unfortunately withers.
There is much to say on this subject.

Could this be because you're still not sure of what you are like as a person, and therefore, you're still not sure what type of people it is best for you to associate with?
When you know what you are like and what your basic outlook on life is, you can usually find an accepting group of people who like you. (But maybe you have other ASD difficulties that get in the way.)

There seems to be a balance. In general, as we have aged people - at least the people we actually deal with - are on average more tolerant of us.

But we are less anxious to fit in and so hold off more from even the tolerant ones.

I agree with the OP. As you get older, there seem to be fewer free spirits, people who are interested in the arts, contemporary music, or just getting together to hash out ideas, talk about philosophical issues, social justice, etc. I've had conversations with adults about replacement windows, the difficulty of finding a job, their cars.... yawn!

I don't have kids but I can see the difficulty of getting along with other parents, because they are not friends you chose. I'm 46 and I find grown-ups stodgy and judgmental. It's less acceptable to be odd or eccentric, or simply interested in ideas for their own sake.

I only have two friends, and I would like to know more people, but the ones I have any opportunity to come across are not people I can relate to at all.

Yes. There seems to be less support as you age. I think compassionate neurotypicals just get tired. We have long standing issues, and without a stable mate to share those with or help buffer when the world is cruel or harsh, we end up relying heavily on our friends. They have their own lives and own issues that snowball as they age. I don't think they have the same emotional energy or freedom to bend to a friend like us, who may need a little more help and support here and there. I guess in regard to your other comment, that they some of those neurotypicals may feel that we will finally "grow up" or "out" of it, not recognizing that it is a lifelong challenge, and that some aspects actually become more challenging with age, and new life challenges, such as children, etc... I was married to a neurotypical for more than 15 years. 5 years post divorce, life is still complicated, even more so. I wish now that I had a supportive mate, just to listen and share, and be intimate with (I miss that, too). Somebody safe and constant. Not here. Its hard and it hurts.

I also think that, if you are the only one to do something your way, it is often because there is something seriously wrong with the way in question. Not always, but often. If most people in a certain setting, say a parents' forum, disagree with you, the best attitude may be to listen carefully so as to try to understand their perspective. You may or may not end up agreeing with them, but you'll gain a better understanding of their points of view. If the issue is about your children, it's about a social situation. We know that people on the autism spectrum very often misunderstand social situations, so there is a good chance that you could valuably learn from others there.

I believe that even if you weren't in the autistic spectrum, you would most likely still be marginalized because you are a woman in her 40s who is childfree. I am 38, female and deliberately child-free and have found great difficulty making friends with women in my age bracket who are mothers. I am certain that more is at work here besides the Asperger's. Despite the projected increase in childfree numbers, our society still harshly criticizes and judges women who have decided to abstain from the biological imperative as complete aberrations.

I'm married but don't (and won't) have kids. But I'm still lonely a lot of the time. Sometimes don't really feel like I can connect with my wife, and I don't have any other real friends.

I mother was outrageous past her 90's. I can only hope to last another 30 years with her spirit. She was severely visually disabled but didn't let much stop her from doing what she wanted to do. I know I can "carry on" in her spirit because she would not want me to give up. I have had too much highs lately and knew the downs would come, but I keep myself busy with moving into my "new" condo. sometimes life can turn on a dime, so always be open to possibilities. My favorite people to "pick on" and vent my aggressions are the solicitors who have your number because your deed recorded. Ha! I love to rant until THEY HANG UP ON ME. am i a wicked old b***h or not?

bump

i knew this lady, owned the property where our sanctuary was located, who introduced her self as 'rob'. she would explain that it meant 'rude old b***h' or explain it another way.

my hero.