Envy of my friends and their families during holidays

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I have several friends who live in the Atlanta area and during the holidays, they spend their time in big family gatherings. Among them are often their parents and their siblings while I have spent one on one holidays with my aunt who lives with me. Meanwhile, my family lives in Minnesota and I can't go because my mother has untreated schizophrenia and she is very abusive. My dad and my sister Kendra also treat me like a half a person and there is always a lot of comparing to make it sound like she is a better than I am and that hurts. I have often sunk to their level and I have tried to assault my mother and my sister because I feel like they don't back off. My mother also recently made it clear that she doesn't love me and so therefore, I can't ever go home. This is why I envy my friends going to big family get togethers since they don't have to take that kind of abuse.

Does anyone else in here share the same feelings that I do?

Miyah

I used to feel that way....very much wanted to feel like I "belonged" to a family. But I've had to take care of myself for so long now that it doesn't bother me anymore.

well i belong to my immediate family of my mother and sister, but if they would happen to suddenly pass away. i would have nobody. my extended family has been absent for over 3 years and even if i was with them, our family was always the "weird" family (my father was diagnosed late in life with asperger's). but i do understand your envy of those who seem to be living those perfect holiday family moments and wishing to be experiencing that, but i know it will past as always. now it would just be great if i get a girlfriend with a great big wonderful loving family.

I never bonded with my bio-family. The 1st time I felt like I was among similar souls was on a campus at Christmas - all the draft dodgers and others who didn't want to go home stayed and partied. I've made various attempts to find a substitute for family since, but always moved on. I'm pretty resigned to it now. I have met more than a few folks along the way who get no benefit from having a family, whether they see them or not. There are quite a few combinations that don't work out and are toxic and unfair to anyone who tries to raise the standards.