extreme anger towards ex

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Thanks for the advice.

Last edited by andie on 26 Nov 2010, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You have my sympathy but I have little advice.

Have you tried having a writing pad (perhaps a4) and writing all the anger in? Or have you tried some form of active sport (martial arts, free-running ect.)? These may help you release the emotion in a more positive way.

I think some time with a counselor would do you much good, if nothing more than to work through your anger. The bitterness you feel is certainly understandable, but in the long run it's not getting you anywhere. In a sense, your bitterness makes it as if this man is still abusing you, long after he's gone. You don't need that.

I read in a book about an exercise where one looks at why we stayed in the relationship and what we got out of it, I did this when I left my ex years ago and was suffering from a lot of anger and it really helped me move on.

for example
I got to feel superior as I would never hit someone I loved.
I got to be not on my own at that time.
I got to be the kind caring one.
I didnt have to make my life better as I was busy with his problems.
I didnt have to risk rejection from dateing.
I didnt have to risk failure from doing a career/uni
I didnt have to find new friends
etc

So even in a very nasty circumstance I could find things that I got out of it and therefore feel less bitter and victimised.

another helpful exercise is to write a letter to your ex (to be ripped up NOT posted) and say clearly in it all the ways you were wronged and all the hurts they did and how angry they make you. This is very helpful in expressing it and letting it go.

another exercise is to imagine them in fornt of you and imagine really hurting them and beating them, when you feel you have all your anger out, imagine good things happening to them and sending them love and good wishes (this takes lots of practice and practice), then picture cutting a chain between you, and them floating away from you and try to feel a sensation of lightness and freedom.

You can also do an exercise toward youself, imagine yourself as a little child and pick yourself up on your knee, tell yourself you love you and always will, tell yourself you forgive yourself for all mistakes you have made, tell yourself you forgive yourself for letting people treat you badly and that you will look after yourself from now on and protect yourself and be kind to youself and keep yourself safe, then shrink your child self down to tiny and put it in your heart and imagine giving it lots of love and keeping it there with you to love all the time.

hope that helps