Practical Tips and Tricks

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OK, so you're 30 years or older, have or suspect you have some flavor of ASD, and you're living independently. Chances are, you've figured some stuff out.

Don't be stingy; share your wisdom! What tricks and tips can you suggest for your fellow travelers?

And, to 'lead by example':

If you have eye-contact issues and are lucky enough to be nearsighted, try taking your glasses off during conversation.

Bonus Points: You can twiddle your glasses if you need something to do with your hands.

Variant for the non-nearsighted: Wear drug-store reading glasses when you have issues. They will make you effectively nearsighted. (Not personally tested; I've only heard about this trick. Anyone out there tried it?)

If you have trouble looking people in the eyes, you can concentrate on the spot between their eyes or eyebrows.

Sunglasses! They should be dark enough that your eyes don't show through.

This is something that's helped me *keep* from looking other people in the eyes at inappropriate times ~ for example, strangers on a NYC subway. I have also used it to avoid meeting eyes with others when I *must* go out at a time I'd ordinarily choose to stay at home.

You see them coming in advance, but they can't know that.... so it gives you the chance to nonchalantly change course, never letting on you've noticed the person, & therefore, *not* run into them. (Having lived in a small community for many years, I can't usually go into a public place without seeing somebody I know.)


Actually, it *just this second* occurred to me that I have no idea if I'm actually fooling anybody with this tactic. But I like the way it feels, having dark shields in front of my eyes.

Also:

Keep it simple.

And I think it might be a bad idea to get married, but that might just be me. It looks like some people who post here are doing well with that. (Of course, it's easy to get the wrong idea from reading on the internet.... their spouse could be in the other room slamming things around and threatening to break their heads as they type.... or with a coworker, in a motel room for "lunch" break... )

here is a story.

I was wearing shades because it was sunny and I had bought new ones, they tend not to last long with me, I break them or lose them or forget that I have any.
I fell over in the street of cork city, tripping over the pavement edge after crossing the road . . yes, dyspraxic.
To my surprise not only did 2 people come to my assistance but they also were friendly to me and spoke to me even after I was back on my feet and were kind and showed concern. I dont think I have ever been shown such care by strangers, or even aquaintances actually.
It seems that whatever it is about my face, expression or inappropriate eye contact was kept hidden by the dark lenses and so I was acceptable.
I have experimented since and found that it really does make a massive difference to the way I am perceived.
I do avoid eye contact, in fact probably generally avoid looking into peoples faces at all, and it is too distressing to try.
However what I need are prescription shades as I can't see well without my specs.
a recommended strategy . . .

I've been living independently for more than 30 years, but I don't have any tips or secrets on how to do it smoothly. For most of that time, I had never heard of such a thing as AS, so I just muddled through like any freak does, trying to remain relatively invisible and not agitate the villagers. Never got very good at it.

OK my tips
Take it slow and keep your mouth shut. Think things through before making a comment. Try and limit social interaction wherever possible. Always have an escape plan or a way out. Limit the amount of 'friends' you have. The more you have the more social situations you will be expected to take part in and the more pressure you will be under. Have a minimalist lifestyle (house or apartment) because we dont always have the same motivation as neighbours in keeping yards etc. neat and clean.
As much as you love them pets cost a lot of time and money so limit yourself as much as possible. Make sure you have space and time for whatever relaxes you. You will need much more stress release than NT's so make room for that collection or time for that game.
Most Aspies around my age have developed a shell of responses to limited social situations that allow some form of functionality in the NT world. this can allow some work situations to be tenable. For example i work in a laboratory so i dont interact that much with people and the ones i do speak with are quirky themselves. I get away with this but it pushes me to extremes some times. Part time work would be much better for me but i cant afford it. Dont get yourself in a position where your executive functioning will be challenged though because the walls will come tumbling down quickly.
In short be aware of your own limitations in social environments and try to engineer your life to suit them. Then construct a home life that nourishes you.
It sucks but that is our reality. If we went through life with no acting and being true to ourselves the NT's would run screaming or start throwing rocks and we would never have any money or a place to live. That hellish childhood you went through was all about finding ways to fake it in an NT world.

Find a way to volunteer or give back. Homeless shelters, senior facilities, working around disabled people, that kind of thing. Since we're not as tied to external superficialities we can treat marginalized sections of the population as equals. I'm the only one at work who deals effectively with disabled people who come through and my closest friends are in their 70s. Everyone else will talk around them. It's fantastic for your self-esteem to realize your freakiness allows you to treat people better than the NT do. And you meet some amazing people that way.

Have a cave where you are in control. If you have to live with others, make sure there's an area where you set the lights, you keep it neat, you control the smells, that kind of thing. If you don't have to live with others, then your entire house is your cave and that's good.

Wear very heavy clothes and use heavy blankets.

Quite honestly, alcohol helps in social situations. Don't get crazy, but a beer relaxes me enough that I start to approach normal.

Use 14 watt incandescents in all your light fixtures. The light is quite enough and they are much more pleasant than CFLs. Candlelight is good too, but you need a good shade on the candle.

Read Miss Manners or Emily Post or something like that. It's helpful and highly practical. Miss Manners actually is funnier than you'd think. My favorite entry was her account of what to do if you're eating dinner with someone and a small spider is building a web in his ear. See? Practical!

Take a day every week, a whole day, to accomplish nothing and talk to no one. And be okay with this. I write SOMAD (Sit On My Ass Day) on my calendar.

Make stuff. Knit, weld, sew, saw, cook, program, weave, write, paint, whatever. We're homo sapiens, and we make stuff. So invest in your humanity and make stuff. And again, being a freak means the stuff you make is waaaayyy cool.

If you are depressed and don't know what to do and are feeling lonely, do SOMETHING. I usually pick up the paper and will try to find something I've never done before, like attend a lecture on local archeology or go listen to zydeco music or attend a balloon race. The aim is not to become undepressed or to make friends or be happy, the aim is to do something you haven't done before. It often works out.

comfortable clothing cannot be stressed enough. comfortable over stylish any day of the week. take good care of yourself, in body, mind and spirit, as you only get one try per lifetime, and no replacement parts are available. learn to love oneself, and to love one's reflection in the mirror, no matter what! do nothing to make this job harder. live with as much honor as one can muster, IOW make the golden rule your rule. that way, when you see yourself in the mirror, you at least will see a person of honor, even if it is in your own eyes only - "fuerte y formal." eschew bad thoughts, determinedy and quickly override them with other thoughts. save as much money as early as possible, as often as possible, investing it as wisely as possible. it is better to be skinflint poor now in exchange for more financial wiggle-room later in life. ascertain your limitations, and skirt them now and then, looking for any small Chinese in their armor that can be breached. choose your words carefully, make them soft and pleasant so when you have to eat them they will go down easy - it is better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

Great topic. I started a similar one about food years ago.

Get a variety to eat. Here is a quick and tasty meal - and pretty nutritious - I designed it a few months ago. You only dirty one pot and one bowl.

Dump a package of ramen noodles in a bowl of water and microwave them soft. Strain the water off.

In a wok or frying pan, cook sliced chicken, pork, ground beef or whatever meat you like. Use the seasoning from the ramen noodles on this, or not(If you want to avoid their salt). If I have to cut the meat up, I do it in the bottom of the cold frying pan(its stainless steel).

When the meat is almost cooked, turn down the heat, pour about 1 cup of frozen mixed veggies on the meat. Put the strained noodles on top of that. Cover and let the veggies and noodles warm up. I usually mix it once after a few minutes.

Clean your strainer while you wait. Depending on your size, you can get 2-3 meals out of this pan.

Eat your food in the bowl that you used to microwave the noodles.

I wasted decades trying to see the logic in situations where there was none. Life evolved before logic, and for most people, it is just a rhetorical style, not a structure. For me, it was the first thing that helped me stay out of trouble, in combination with the easy-to-remember Golden Rule.

When you meet someone, remember that there's a significant chance that they are psychopathic or otherwise disturbed and dishonest.

Meditation is probably the best way to become more calm and cheerful, but it won't make sense.

plan dinners etc. on a weekly basis instead of a daily basis. Not only does it saves the hassle of going to the store every day after work, but it gives a greater control over the food budget.

A pet is a good stress reliever as well as a good companion, but beware that they require both time, care and money. Especially with getting a puppy, it's prudent to do so up towards a long vacation, meaning it will have time to bond and training. If you have full work hours (9 to 5 or similar), it's better to get a pet that's easier to take care of, like a guinea pig or a rat.

Even if you're not that creative, you should still try and get a canvas and some paint and make your arms and hands do the job. Play with colours and try to develop some techniques. Try still lifes (static objects set up in front of you) and draw them the way you see them and try to experiment with their shapes and colours. You might like the end result or the process of doing it. Regardless, painting can be incredibly stimulating and relaxing,
Your paintings can also be used as good gifts, or they can be sold if you wish, the possibilities are endless

in addition to the above, try getting into some more creative endeavours, like papermache. Try to show people how you percieve the world around you. Join an art class if you wish, as these can help you gain new techniques and ways to express yourself.

look for red-tag markdowns wherever you shop, especially in the grocery store/supermarket. buy only things that are marked-down.
take advantage of free/low cost goodies/music/entertainments, by utilizing your local public library and by finding stuff at yard sales/swapmeets/fleamarkets and such, and by finding free stuff on the web, especially at free mp3 sites such as beemp3.com and mp3 raid mp3 downloads.
turn soup into a meal by putting it in a big pot and mixing extra water and oatmeal/rice/couscous/maltomeal etc into it, adding other things like cheese/chopped veggies/spices and such to enhance the flavor, then heat it slowly for a few hours. serve this over toast or rice, put equal amounts of the leftovers into tupperware containers kept in the freezer, take one out for each meal, they will last a week or so before you have to do it again.

i don't dig rules too well, and there are so many to learn.