I'm not sure where to put this....

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Hi I'm asking for help. I'm a NT, I have a son with autism but he is only 5. I'm writing a paper for college about adults with autism. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their story about a usual day? Or if anyone is from PA and would be willing share with me any information about adults with autism events or support groups? I'm quite familiar with support groups for parents, but I haven't been able to really track down active groups that are for just adults with autism or Aspies. Any help would be greatly appreciated and I'm very sorry if I put this in the wrong forum I wasn't really sure where to stick it.

My average day is getting up at 6 AM, working out for an hour before I wake my son up and get him dressed. By then my wife usually has breakfast on the table and we eat together before I take off for the office. I spend 4-5 hours at work before I drive home for lunch with the family again and then go back for another 4-5 hours. I spend my work hours designing new insurance products and ensuring corporate compliance with applicable state and federal statute as well as contractual compliance with partner companies. When I return home I get to spend a couple of hours playing with my 2 year old before putting him down for the night. My wife and I then spend some "quality" time together and I try and get in bed by 11.

Was this what you were looking for?

Sort of, basically I don't want to start a debate here- I'm new to this site and I'm definitely an outsider so I don't want to upset anyone. However I was wondering, how does autism or Aspie effect your day to day life? Are you for a "cure" or for acceptance? This is my personal feelings, and again my son is only 5 and he is my main glimpse into this world. I love my son his autism is not the tragedy most people seem to think it should be to us. He is incredibly smart, the way his mind works amazes me. Don't get me wrong, I hate the fact some stuff is so much harder for him, but if I was given a magic pill to take away his autism I would be highly offended by whoever offered it to me and would never give it to him. In my local area, my husband and I feel like outcasts in the parent community because we feel this way. Most other parents we have met seem to be focused on fixing their kids and curing them whereas we are focused on helping him adapt as he must while still remaining himself. We feel our biggest job is to educate others and get people to accept him for who he is. That was the main motivation for me writing my paper on adults on the spectrum. I'm curious how do you feel? What is the main way you get support in the autism community? What can be improved in the autism community and how as a whole adults with autism are viewed? What can parents of kids who are young now do differently to make it better for the next generation of adults with autism?

Its a spectrum disorder so it affects people differently...some can be crippled on the very area that another excels in. The big difference is that the area that the individual has an issue with is usually pronounced in its effect.

For example, in my case its socializing. I dont do small talk, dont feel the innate need to be with people or get to know them personally (aka friendships) are amongst some of the issues. Its not crippling per say but it does deny any social life at all.. its more like someone who stutters trying to deliver a long poem in front a of crowd type of situation



AS can give as much as it takes. I have excellent retention of things I read and I learn certain subjects so fast its almost as if they were being stapled into my brain.

If the 'cure' let me retain what I've gained then hell yeah im all for a cure.



That is key above all (bold).

Stuff may be harder for him because its presented to him in ways that are hard for him to process.. you need to ID those.



That in my opinion is counterproductive. Fact is when he is no longer a child he will go out there and the world will not have the benefit of mom and dad telling educating everyone in his environment about his condition... the reality is the world won't care and life goes on.

If people on the spectrum are immigrants and NT's as being the host country they are immigrating to... the immigrant that lands in your country and starts yelling at everyone around him that they should adapt to his way of life rather than HIM adapting to their way of life... you can imagine how unpleasant life will be for this immigrant because he is unable to adapt to his surroundings.

Thats what will happen to your kid when he steps out into the world as an adult thinking the world needs to accept him rather than him acknowledging that he is different and that is is him who needs to adapt to his surroundings.



This is really the only community ive found. Its interesting to read and learn how others adapt to similar issues I deal with..some have really helped.



Since the spectrum is so big this is rather impossible to answer. One thing I will say is that for some reason NT's love to use the word 'autism culture' .. there is none. We are not a subculture.



I'd say stop focusing on the victim mentality (regardless of how much parents deny and claim they fully accept their kid its still there... why him why me why us? etc) and start focusing on teaching the kids early how to adapt and overcome issues as they arrive. I'd dare say that its the lack of this skill that causes crippling problems later in life.

There is really little you can do as far as changing the outside world for them to have an easier time since spectrum problems are on the inside. The only thing I can possibly think of that would really help is to have a socializing events where people on the spectrum can learn socializing and emotional control skills that would help them adapt and function in the NT world.. a sort of 'day club' rather than a night club. If this was available from an early age it would prevent soooo many issues later in life.

i dont feel i have some of the same hang ups as the others, but since i was a child ive become rather successful at pretending to be normal as long as im paying attention. i have to be constantly "on" monitoring my speech my volume my ticks, while im off i avoid people like the plague. started with people watching i was able to copy different mannerisms differnt social styles i call them. depending on the situation i can remember how a person in that particular situation acts. then i just apply it and im able to blend in fairly well. unfortunatly its not always a fool proof system of behaving. ive gotten in trouble a few times in empathy situations.

If people on the spectrum are immigrants and NT's as being the host country they are immigrating to... the immigrant that lands in your country and starts yelling at everyone around him that they should adapt to his way of life rather than HIM adapting to their way of life... you can imagine how unpleasant life will be for this immigrant because he is unable to adapt to his surroundings.



That is a very good point. Thank you very much for your input and answer. I think what we fear as parents isn't that he might need some extra help, all kids do in one way or another, but that he will end up depressed and unhappy with himself or feeling that there is something "wrong" with him. It is difficult to walk the line where you are teaching him he has to adapt in certain areas while still maintaining that you do not want to change him.

For one thing let me put this out there. Don't try looking for support groups, support groups are often a very NT way of handling issues (I can go into this further). There are some Autism groups out there, but they are kind of meetup groups. You might want to look for the autism self advocacy network folks in your area.

I will tell you what it is like being an adult with autism, but the answers might scare you in certian ways and relieve you in others. But I am on the mild end of the spectrum (but I used to be on the medium end).

I have a professional doctorate.
I am not in favor of a cure, but I am in favor of acceptance. I am also an advocate for various therapies which help treat things in the long run such as occupational, speech and music and arts therapy. I high suggest getting your child into music if you can. Keyboards may be best, but let him explore over time.

I would say educating people to accept is the way to go. You have a good mindset. Adaptation really is key, and there are ways to help that. People wanting a cure often do not have a very complex view point of the world. They often think autism is like an intellectual disability, its not. It is a social disability above all else, and we can live indipendantly though we have very different developmental tracks than NT. One of the biggest is our intellectual maturity outpaces (sometimes greatly outpaces NT) our behavioral and social maturity.

We tend to be more systemic thinkers as supposed to empathetic. We tend to be a bit more atypical in general.


This is not the end of the world, and honestly it is just a difference when it gets down to it.

My advice though to parents, is quit being the spokespeople for autism. It is very annoying, to the point of infuriating. We are better suited to be our own spokespeople, defer to us on advocacy and other issues. We know how this effects us in detail and have a much better perspective on this than you, and the issues involved with it. Basically do not be dismissive of what we will say.

Don't be afraid to be outcasts in the parent community. Honestly, most parent communities are problematic in general. Don't fear being judged. Honestly the group think that goes on in these parent communities is often highly flawed.

By the way, boards are probably the best avenue of communication because many of us struggle in large groups, in person, etc.

By the way, we focus alot of time on interests. DWmom, who is probably one of the few good parents of autistic children out there has the best perspective out there, that our interests are really gateways to who we are. Don't discourage them.

QFT. Excellent answer. Put me down as +1.

Thank you. I'm doing some more searching around on these boards today and will look up DWmom. As far as the parent community goes, well, to be honest I used to post quite regularly on another autism board, but stopped because it was just depressing, everyone was chasing down cures and acting as if their children were fundamentally flawed because of autism. It is difficult for me to understand not being empathetic so much because I'm a very empathetic NT. However my son, he may only be 5 but there is not a doubt in my mind when it comes to natural intelligence he is way above me. Focusing on your interests is a good point. We try to be as understanding as possible with our son and his interests as well as his "stims" (not sure of the proper terms to use on this board). Like I said, I'm mostly asking questions now for my paper. However, I truly would be thankful for whatever advice any of you can offer as to what mistakes to avoid with my son. The best advice we ever got was some posts on another board from an adult with autism explaining exactly what goes on inside a meltdown. Once we understood we were much better to help our son out.