Getting Diagnosed At 40 - Having problems -Advice please!! !

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Hi, I'm 40 YO woman & have seriously suspected for years I have Aspergers. I had an uncle who was seriously autistic and I see something odd in my fathers behavior. I've been trying to find a So. Cal ( Los Angeles area) Dr. to get a diagnosis but having problems finding a good one. UCLA is $5K!

I spoke to 2 Dr's on the phone for about 5 minutes about getting a diagnosis and they both said , "I can tell from talking to you you don't have it".

Just a FEW examples of why I think I do:

I do have a focused or obsessive interest in photography, computers, and learning/reading.

I've always had social problems (I'm not afraid of people)

I say blunt too honest things socially sometimes & just don't get most people,

I'm not comfortable with people I don't know well being too close or touching me.

I've had good boyfriends & relationships although I'm very picky.

When I was 12 whenever I rode in a car I figured out the classification patterns in license plate #'s ,

I'm quiet, love solitude, feel more comfortable with animals,

have food allergies and sensitivities,

Have a high IQ,

people are always asking me why I am the way I am...quiet or stare at people etc, one guy said once I seem like I want to have fun but I don't (cause I am not a loud extrovert).. seems obvious I'm not normal.

I'm still having social issues at 43 but I have learned social skills and what is expected so I can pass sometimes, isn't that normal for older aspies?

Sometimes I have problems on the phone like knowing when to speak and there will be gaps of silence but not always if I'm talking to someone like a DR where I really have a ton of questions.

I taught myself HTML years ago when the web 1st started and built a website business that has been very successful so I work at home alone.
I would like to be more social and get help but so far the search for a Dr.'s here in LA is a nightmare.
I admit from time to time I have had social phobia but it comes from knowing people are gonna start telling me I'm different.

F.A.C.T was a joke...totally unprofessional and only social workers.

The one other Dr. I found, I already mentioned, I spoke with on the phone, and he said my voice was not an aspie voice. But he was willing to take my $1500 anyway to test me.

Please give me some advice here. I'm willing to travel to the right place who will at least give me a chance. I've been studying and reading about aspergers for about 1 year and finally after reading feel like it is my life on those pages. I don't think that way about any other condition I have read about!?

How did others get a diagnosis and are there other diagnosed adults who have a similar story to me?

Sorry this is so long but I really am feeling desperate. I need some support.

Thanks

Your story sounds a lot like mine except I didn't talk with anyone on the phone (I hate talking on the phone). I've learned everything I know from self learning for the most part. I'm going for tests in a few weeks; I found a place my health insurance covers. I don't know if that helps you or not.

If you just want to be sure yourself take these tests:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html

It made it pretty much un-deniable that I'm either HFA or have Aspergers. Either way it isn't a curse like some make it sound. Like you I chose focuses that could turn into a career. Places like this make me feel not so alone and not so different
Good luck!
JD

Snap! - as in I can relate to aspects of what you say.

I am just coming up on 45 and only got an official diagnosis 2 years ago after an online self diagnosis about two years before that. I was alerted to the possibilty by my last partner who was a teacher and grappling with an AS student and comparing notes with a fellow teacher with a mild Autism case in her class.

While I had always felt outside the mainstream I had never thought of myself as being wired differently so at first I was suspicious of her assertion that I may be AS. We were not having an easy relationship and I suspected her of trying to lay the blame at my feet [on mental health grounds as I have on going depression issues] rather than it being mutual.

I did two different online tests and both rated me about the same 'intensity' of AS. I stewed on this for a while and decided to try and learn more in order to try and sort my life out, I signed up to WP, read some articles etc... yet somehow still couldn't really come to terms with it.

I abandoned the dysfunctional relationship and spiraled downward until I was a homeless person, this was not new I was a streetkid at fifteen and have no contact with my family [Mum has mental health issues, Dad most probably AS].

Fortunately I live in a country with a national health service and a welfare system which helped me get things back together again, which included six sessions with a psychologist who has a special interest in AS/Autism and child diagnosis/therapy as well as adult CBT training. While I didn't think her very smart she taught me to master some anxiety/panic attacks and had information which I sucked up like a sponge, she pointed me in the direction of a couple of books etc...

It turns out that as a result of my 'special interest' [why are humans so scewed up? = psychology, primatology, anthropology, history, philosophy, political theory...] combining with my intelligence I had learnt to emulate many apparently 'normal' social behaviours, but like anyone 'faking it' inevitably tripped up and was 'found out' my life was full of social/career disasters and meltdowns.

The key for me was the diagnosis, it gave me a foundation on which to rebuild myself that is leading to a somewhat happier and in some ways more functional me. I have stopped trying to force myself to be what I aren't or to endure situations that lead to a melt down and accept that I am what I am, the key now is to figure out the next step which is a complicated and different issue

Good luck, peace j

This is something that is getting more and more annoying. Why is it that NT and doctors have such a reluctance to even consider testing adults? When I was considering getting a diagnosis and first started the process, I heard over and over,... why are you doing that? My mother-in-law is a retired special ed teacher and her immediate reaction was negative. She insisted that I wasn't an Aspie. Even after the diagnosis she was clearly didn't agree, but at least she didn't argue.

For some reason, it seems as though the thought is that there isn't a need for a diagnosis unless you are on the extreme / sever end of the spectrum (can't function). I don't understand that idea. I think knowing is better than not knowing. Even if it's a diagnosis of Mild Asperger's. It makes so much difference having a diagnosis - in so many ways that aren't immediately obvious (and I'm not sure a NT can really appreciate what a difference it makes). I know I'm not the only one that found Asperger's Symptoms and became temporarily obsessed. And why not? Understanding why we're different and to realize that we belong to a group is amazing.

My diagnosis didn't have the problems like you all. I called a local Autism organization and asked them how I could get a diagnosis. They supplied me with 2 names of doctors that specialize in Autism/Asperger's. The one I chose turned out to be very good. She picked up on my symptoms. When we discussed the test later I was a bit shocked by some of the things she mentioned - I had no idea those specific mannerisms were not normal. And I was impressed that she noticed such small things.

What were the small things she noticed Kimberly?

There were two specific areas.

One was eye contact. But not general eye contact. I've learned to mimic standard eye contact. During the test I was careful to be myself - without embellishing my symptoms. I know I have problems with eye contact, so I wasn't all that surprised that she mentioned eye contact. What did surprise me was that she went on to specify that it wasn't eye contact while we talked. She said I did fine there, but she could tell that it was forced because there were other times during the test that I should have given eye contact but I didn't. She said that without conversation my eye contact completely disappeared. Not that I want to fix it, but I'd have no idea how to - even if I wanted to.

Another part of the test was a picture book without words. I was supposed to provide the story based on the images. I concentrated so much on getting the story to match up to the pictures that I got completely bogged down in details. At a few points I picked up on her reaction and moved on to the next page - so I wasn't surprised she mentioned it, but I was surprised that she mentioned that I completely ignored the humans and focused on the animals. She was right. But it didn't even enter my thoughts until she brought it up.

Photo999 - I would suggest the self tests as a good place to start and then work from there.

Such is the point where I'm at as I'm also not diagnosed. Unfortunately for me, I have 'complications' similar to RedHanrahan's and I see a need to get diagnosed for the purpose of acquiring/developing better coping skills. IMHO, diagnosis is only necessary if you hit bottom or have massive issues integrating socially or on the job. Otherwise, if you're performing acceptably, your mental health is your private business.

Photo, good luck, I wish you the best outcome and of course, peace of mind.

Thank you! I just found a lady who seems very different and nice on the phone. Only about $500 to get tested so that is much better than the 5K at UCLA.
Her name is Sarita Freedman. I'll let you know how it goes and if I think it was worth it or not.

I am 41 and was just diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. My psychologist also mentioned that I exhibit some signs of AS as well, but she didn't seem to think it was too important to actually go through any testing for it, she just recommended that I read up about it. From reading the postings on this forum and other online articles I am pretty sure I have it.

Hi and welcome Photo999.

Wishing you luck on your dx process.

I'm currently starting the process towards a dx.

I am wondering about your experience with FACT, since you mentioned that they were unprofessional. Were they being unhelpful or unwilling to work with you? I'm curious because they are one of the places I've contacted.

The Drs I've contacted have all been very helpful. Most were upfront about the fees they charge for assessment, and most were expensive. Only one wasn't upfront about the fees. As a result, I decided not to consider this doctor.

Well, it was really just one person I think. The main boss lady , Linda is fine. I did call another Dr and ask about FACT and they seem to have an OK standing with her.

I think I had a personality conflict with the one lady ... maybe...I was not rude in any way to her, BTW. I made the mistake of telling her some personal info in our 1st conversation. I think she was very judgmental about it. Women can be like that, unfortunately. I do not have 100% proof of that but can't really figure out why else she would have refused me like that and it was immediately after I told her. Before that she had called me 2 times trying to track me down to come in.

She refused to call me back after over a week. I called 3 times she kept giving me excuses. I then called the main boss Linda at another #, asking her why I was ignored that way and she was surprised saying people were calling and getting in to be tested the very next day so she didn't know why the lady I spoke with did that to me. She apologized & I had an apt. the next day through Linda but because of the weirdness I got from the one lady I chose a different Dr. who has a long waiting list. I wont get in until June. I may still go to their support group at FACT because they are so hard to find. But I wanted a place that felt non-judgmental to get tested. I'm going back to school and just didn't want to waist the money and be disappointed.

Also keep in mind their test is done by social workers not Dr's or Pschyc's. It takes about 30 minutes and UCLA takes 4 days. The Dr. I'm seeing takes 3 meetings and at least an hour each meeting for about the same price as FACT. FACT felt like a drive thru diagnosis to me some what, but because they had the groups I was really looking forward to them at 1st. FACT also wants
you to do weekly one on one therapy which is expensive. But not required I believe, but check it to be sure.

Hope this helps.

I don't want to encourage or discourage you from them... just want to state my experience.

Tony Attwood - The complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome.

I found this book invaluable - though it does approach the issue from a 'diagnosis as child angle'.

Good luck with tests and the journey from there, peace j

[quote]Snap! - as in I can relate to aspects of what you say.


Yes we do have similar stories RedHanrahan. Thanks for the reply. It's nice to see I'm not alone in the world with my situation.


I just went to see a DR. Rachel West in Santa Monica Cal.

Her website: Dr Rachel West


She diagnosed me as having Aspergers . She admitted a lot of Dr's don't realize how we mimic and learn to copy people as we get older so she says it fools a lot of Dr's. She diagnosed just on symptoms of now and when we were kids and how much trouble we have in life.
She said most all people with Aspergers and or autism have too much amonia in the brain. That was interesting, never heard it before.

Changing the way we eat and supplementing with gabba and vitamins is about all I can do at this point. And learn skills of course.

I have to quit eating all dairy and sugar (not looking forward to that one!).
It was interesting and so far this lady seemed the most interested and supportive of all Dr's I have seen or talked with, in regards to aspergers. Also I don't like pharmaceuticals at all and she doesn't push those on you or even suggest them.

Hi. I'm 43, self diagnosed in May, and went to NYC for formal diagnosis in October. There also was another place in MA I might have gone to. Have you tried looking at web sites as for GRASP, OASIS, autismhangout etc. to see if there is someplace near you?

And shame on anyone for ruling OUT AS by phone calls, or even face to face if they are not experts (seen it!).

Yes, many of your traits I share, from the animals to self teaching html.

I too was surprised at some of the things my interviewer picked up that had been there all my life that I had no idea were signs and clues. Gee, who knew!

Good luck.

The family links are a clue in your case, too.

p.s. ASPERGIRLS by Rudy Simone is another eye-opening, helpful book. I saw myself in it; my best friend saw me in it; a relative started to read it and said that she realized by a certain chapter that she was on the spectrum too! It might make you feel better, and if all these clinicians read it, they might rush less to be dismissive of our subtler female aspie traits.