Dancing with your partner

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This is a bit hard to explain, I don't know if I want advice or just to vent.

So when I go with my wife to certain types of social event predominately family events such as weddings at which there is dancing, my wife always wants me to go on the dance floor with her. But then she seems to want to dance with various other people including our son who is much more severely autistic than I (really too autistic to use social media). So mostly she is dancing next to me or actually facing away from me. I would really want to feel she is dancing WITH me. She tells me nobody does that any more although in fact that is what we would do if we didn't know other people who are there.

At the last wedding we attended there were a lot of young hipsters from Brooklyn especially female who were dancing as a group but I don't believe they had dates anyway, but she pointed to them as an example of modern-day dance floor etiquette.

I believe she has always done this, now I should point out that between the time she left college and when I met her (she was 27 at the time) she wasn't in a serious relationship so it would make sense she would have done that. I know that at her little brother's bar mitzvah she brought a gay colleague as a date so I can see that this behavior would make sense. She went to college in the 70s when dancing wasn't as popular as today (young people back then didn't go "clubbing" as they do now, mostly they just got high and listened to loud music or attended rock concerts, at least that's how I remember it).

Anyhow at the wedding she got really annoyed with me for trying to get her to dance with me rather than other people.

Just wondering is this the standard way to conduct oneself at a social event with dancing or do I have a valid complaint?

It makes sense for a wife to dance with a husband.

It's part of being "social" to dance with other people.

But...still....she should want to dance with you, too.

Agree. I think she can do both, I don't see the issue. I understand sometimes in weddings and other events where we know many people, there are those who get together and dance, like a bunch of girl friends, etc. but I would think she would also dance some songs exclusively with you. PS I am a woman

It depends on the dance. Some dances are done basically facing away from your partner. Others aren't. I'm ok at dancing, but the only problem is that when I slow dance, I tend to lead. That's the only way I know how. I suck otherwise.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Bumping this great thread to iterate an important point: leaning to dance will do wonders for your comfort level with socializing. On and off the dance floor. Most women do enjoy dancing, so being good at it will make you more attractive. Because when it comes to finding romance, an aspie man needs any leverage he can get.

First of all, it's a great way to test a woman's comfort level with you: by asking her to dance. Or if you feel daring, by taking her by the hand and pulling her into a dance. If she's seems to enjoy the dancing with you, you know she enjoys your company. (Please note that it doesn't always equal romantic interest.) After taking lessons and doing social dancing for over 10 years, I'm at a point where I want nothing to do with woman who won't dance with me. It means she either hates me or has hangups with physical contact in general.

Second, classic dancing is governed by a set of strict protocols, a.k.a. dance etiquette. Namely, how to extend a dance request, how to accept or reject dance requests, how to conduct yourself on the dance floor, etc. In classy settings (mainstream nightclubs aren't it, but most other dance venues are), people don't follow all these etiquette rules, but they are familiar with them. And you will not be looked down upon for following them yourself. So it gives you a clear framework of social rules to follow. That's a great thing for aspies who feel lost in a social world.

Third, an important benefit of learning to dance is that it'll desensitize you to touching and being touched by women. I'm taking about casual touch here: handholds, light embraces, etc. Any time after high school, you don't want to act like holding hands or exchanging a hug is a big deal to you: it makes you look very beta. But dancing is a great way to build up a "tolerance level" of sorts to those things, all in a healthy, socially appropriate setting. The benefits it'll give you will extend far beyond the dance floor. I know from experience.

(I'm male, so all this is from a man's point of view.)