For those diagnosed as adults, what did you parents think?

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Did they refuse to believe you have autism, or relieved you found out? Or did you even tell them?

I've been trying to tell my parents for the past few months, actually. They get worked up every time I bring it up, told me to stop going on and on about this issue. If I mention these are usually genetic (dad is for certain an aspie) they consider that a personal attack, that I'm blaming them for my ineptitude. I think all they got was I'm weird and "mental", but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have a normal life and do what's expected of me. Of course I'm still waiting for my official diagnosis so they don't HAVE TO accept that I have AS. Except my two sons already have official diagnosis. When I try to tell them about the boys they wouldn't hear it either. Said I labeled my boys as crazy even though they're perfectly good kids. Today they just asked me if we'll let a little girl who's a new immigrant come to my house everyday to play with my boys and learn English. I said no I don't think that's a good idea and they exploded. I eventually hung up. I can't take them any more. My boys are not low-functioning but not high-functioning either. They can hardly speak a complete sentence, often do not answer questions and almost never play with other kids. Now they ask us to bring a girl they don't know, who doesn't speak English to come EVERYDAY to play with them and learn English?

I hope other aspies' parents are a bit more understanding. I'm not sure what to do with my parents. Of course I know they've always been stubborn and not understanding, but to call official diagnosis BS and not even trying a little bit is just... too ignorant. I guess it's a hopeless case, eh?

I was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 35. I told my mother. She told me I was normal (I wasn't), that I had friends (I didn't), and that there was nothing wrong with me. She never mentioned it again until a couple of months ago (I didn't see the point in bringing it up). She said she saw a show on TV that said people with AS had difficulty making friends. Then she told me I needed to go out and make friends. Progress can be real slow, but I'd like to think it's possible.

My mom stills has a hard time accepting it and attributes my quirkiness and struggles with employment the fault of my being "put in special ed for emotionally distrurbed kids" as a kid. She said I picked up too many bad habits there and had a hard time coping with "normal people" as a result. FYI- I was raised in the 80s before AS was known in the U.S. so the psychologists told my parents that I was "acting out in order to get attention."


Allie Kat
http://www.myaspergerslifestory.com/

I was diagnosed with AS recently (in the past 2 weeks) and told my mother about it. She said that my behaviors are normal (they're not) or just quirky (except they meet the diagnosis criteria to a T). C'est la vie... Sometimes mothers see what they want to see...

I also have 2 boys who are autistic. The oldest is HFA and the youngest is LFA. It can be hard as a parent for sure. Nevertheless, I've seen both of them improve by interacting with other children, and not just with language. It really can't hurt to let your kids interact with another child. It will probably help them with social skills.

What's the deal with older mothers and their selective memory? My mom told me I was perfectly social and played with other kids all the time. I totally didn't. I mean all she did was telling me to go out and play with other kids, so she can do housework without me bothering her. I went outside and wandered by myself most of the time. She didn't look to see if I was playing with others. I'm glad my psychologist isn't gonna interview my parents for my diagnosis. They'd have made up loads of stuff they don't really remember.

*Ah I'm sure I'll try to let the little girl come sometimes to play (she's a relative). But I have to consider what I can handle as well. I have pretty bad anxiety and don't like playdates much. I might only let her come when my husband is here (he's NT and handles strangers and kids much better). I surely don't want to force my kids to play with someone if they don't want to. Besides I don't see why my mom has to butt in, her parents can talk to me if we want to arrange play dates.

I was a weird, quirky kid with no friends and I was afraid of everything and didn't like to be touched. My mom blamed herself and was always afraid that people would think I was abused and that social services would come and take me away. She said she was relieved to find out and has taken credit for me turning out successfully. I was in my early forties when I was diagnosed.

This is an interesting question. For myself (i don't have AS), i felt miserable and lonely as a child, really believed that everyone around me hated me, but realized that the questions i could ask them to try to reassure myself that wasn't true would just make them more annoyed, so i just tried to *pretend* that i was *normal*. to this day, this is a big part of the reason i never want to have kids, because i don't want to be responsible for anyone ever feeling the way i did for 20+ years of my life.

i've always wondered if this is secretly the way everyone feels. to varying extents, does everyone just fake it til they make it? in hindsight, i don't even have a reliable enough impression of my childhood to remember the facts or gauge anything realistically. i guess i blamed my parents somehow (my mom was a raging work-obsessed alcoholic, but she has since recovered and i've since realized that she really did love me all along and we have a good relationship now).

my dad may or may not have mild AS, but he doesn't perceive it as a problem -- he just has myriad rituals that he must adhere to and is generally an anxiety-riddled person. he was a high-school physics teacher and was always geeking out and bringing home cool science stuff to demonstrate. because my mom was pretty much checked out for my childhood (although she worked hard to provide financially for the family), i was sort of raised by my dad's personality on a daily basis. sometimes i wonder if this is why i never got a head start at understanding sarcasm and humor, and felt so alienated and hurt in public school as a child. i've since come to understand that my dad totally lacks a sense of humor, although he's always had a litany of corny science jokes to break out at a dinner party.

fortunately, i've always had some sincerely good folks in my life (whether i realized it or not), and i finally began to open up into myself by assuming that most people were not of intention to be gratuitously mean, so if i was taking offense, it was probably because i just didn't understand their humor. also, i moved across the country (from PA to OR), experimented with psychedelic drugs, and fell in with a crowd of weird, artistic people who found my quirks endearing. i think this is typical for a person in his or her early 20's.

my life is pretty okay now. i take 50mg fluoxetine daily. i am married. and i just met someone with AS with whom i would really like to pursue a friendship. that is why i am on here.

my parents were relieved, glad to know. at least that's what they told me anyhow.

My mother has actually been looking into it for herself.

I've been keeping her up on what 's going on with me and my kids at school, etc. Over the months, she's been asking more questions about herself. I think she is absolutely on the spectrum somewhere, but she would have never been open to hearing about it in the past.

My mother swings between supporting me and telling me there's nothing wrong.

I have a provisional diagnosis but its not "official" yet as they still need to talk to one of my parents about my childhood.

My dad refuses to believe there's anything abnormal and thinks I'm neurotic thanks to an overbearing mother. My mum has a glorified idea of how my childhood actually was, like previous posters have mentioned, she believes I had lots of friends, happy childhood but not adolescence. She put my "quirks" down to being some kind of child genius - believe me that didn't continue into adulthood but the quirks did. She was more entertained by them than concerned.

She supports me getting official diagnosis (and a preferable negative result) but I don't think she believes I will get an official on paper, AS diagnosis and that her info on my childhood will disprove the docs theories and I'll be left with some mental illness label that can be "fixed".

Its quite depressing to think someone who see-saws so much on her opinion has such power to decide.

Of course should she pass the final test for me, I will be the daughter with the trendy label.

Can't bloody win.

Interesting topic.

I'm NOT officially diagnosed and haven't told my mother I'm seeking diagnosis, probably won't tell her either...I'm 99% certain she'll blame my 'problems' on my fathers abuse, as she always has done and that was one reason why I didn't get a diagnosis as a child.

I had an official diagnosed this year I'm 32 years old now.
I had an AS assessment before 30 years ago & the professionals that did that one where a bloody joke as they said I was NT(This years diagnose says I have AS).

My mother was interviews two time for the 2nd assessment this year, At first she was all ok and understanding, happy I got the diagnosed. After I received the final copy of the diagnosed report she started doing a U tern by coming out with crap that there's no such thing as AS plus also being very verbal abusive towards me.

I hardy spoken to my mother to this day after her rant a few months back, as both her & my family claim there's no issue & refuse to express an apology to me plus to add they asked me to apologize over the issue. I reused to give my family technical help with there computers & academic help to my mother for her university degree intill they change there mind. As lately thats what my family want from me what I can give them!!

My mum wasn't surprised--I think she was glad that I was diagnosed, because it gave her a framework to help her understand that it wasn't her fault when I didn't understand her, that it wasn't her fault that I had uncontrollable meltdowns as a kid, that it wasn't her fault that I struggle with social interaction etc.

I don't know how my dad feels about it, but I know that he's stopped saying, "You know exactly what I mean!" and getting angry with me when I ask him to explain something he's said, so I figure his reaction is somewhere between neutral and positive.

My mom was simply glad that she hadn't "failed as a parent". My dad's parents were against him marrying her, and any time something went wrong they blamed her. All they could talk about is how she'd "failed" me. I was dx'ed after they died, so I can't know how they would have reacted, but my mom at least was relieved.

J have no "official diagnosis", and my mother died even before I had ever found out about me.

My dad said nothing at all the first time I ever mentioned my AS/HFA to him, and then the second time I ever mentioned it, he said, "Yeah, you mentioned that once."

This is only speculation on my part, but my mother would have likely just repeated her usual response to something she did not understand ... "Oh, I don't know, Joe ..."

People from my parents' era seemed pretty confident the rest of us had little to add to whatever they already knew.

My mom had some trouble with it, in part, I think, because I have a few relatives with severe autism and that was her initial reference point. She did do a little Internet research on it and became a little more accepting, though. The professional who diagnosed me had her fill out a questionnaire about how I was as a child as part of the diagnostic process and I think reflecting on some of those questions kind of made it undeniable, too.

I still think she views it as more of a personality quirk than anything and downplays some of the genuine challenges it has created in my life, but her reaction was more supportive than that of some of my extended family. (My aunt: "Oh that's not a real disease, it's just something the doctors made up to scare you." Huh?) I have a younger cousin now dx'd with Asperger's, too, so maybe they'll gradually learn a little more about it.

I would have been interested in hearing what my late father would have had to say about it, but didn't. He really, in hindsight, had a lot of Asperger's traits himself.