Being treated like a child as an adult.

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I am an adult woman who is 40 but feels like other people treat me like a child. People in my family either talk down to me or ignore me. I may be on the autism spectrum but that does not mean that I am a child. I have about had it with my inlaws who are very condescending toward me. I am not a child and I am sick of being treated like a child. I don't want to be nasty to people but I am sick of being treated like a child and not being given the respect due to one adult from another adult. Has anyonen else exerienced this? How can I let people know that I'm not a child without resorting to swearing or yelling?

In fact I just wrote a post on this in another section: pretentious snobs

I come off a bit slow because I don't have a great response time in social situations and I don't have a short term memory. I understand why other people think I'm slow, but they need to understand that I'm not actually dumb. I'm actually bright in other areas like science and music and while they can do many things that I can't even fathom such as the ability to multi-task, I can do things that they can't do.

The thing you have to realize is that other than learning basic social skills and small talk, there's not much you can do to change the opinions of someone else. Bigotry comes in many forms. Your true friends who really know you will acknowledge that you're not slow. Just ignore the opinions of everyone else. They're not worth your emotional strain. Sure you'll still have to deal with them, but just remember that their opinions don't really mean much anyway.

In my experience, there is no practical way to stop people from being condescending once they have become used to doing so.

If you argue or fight back, you will be labelled "defensive", "overly sensitive", "prickly" and "difficult".

In my case, I decided to fight back, and the end result to date has been that my mother is now terrified to say anything to me, and my father will now only talk about the weather. However, she is still condescending if she does say anything of a more personal nature. I'm not sure what I've really accomplished, but it feels good not to have to take it silently and without protest.

I think you can tell them in some situations. I don't think you should approach it with the notion that you need to "fight back." The other person will be able to pick up that you're being bellicose. Maybe you can say something in a non-contentious but straightforward tone of voice. Maybe something like: "I know you think I'm slow, but I just appear that way." In all honesty, I fear this a blind leading the blind situation, so I'm not entirely sure that would work. It's mere speculation. It also depends on the personality that's on the receiving end of that statement.

In laws have a wonderful talent for being condescending. I have a wonderful old bag for a mil and to be honest I just shut off when she's in the room. I nod occasionally, uh huh every now and then and pretend I'm interested. She's so self absorbed she wouldnt know I wasnt really listening.

So what if they talk down to you? In the end you cant change them but you can just let it wash over you. Dont let what they think get to you.

One of my favourite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt: Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Its so true. Dont let any of these people have the power over you. Take the power back.

If you cant tell them thats how you feel then just stop letting them have the power over you. Its such a fantastic feeling suddenly taking control of your own life and speaking up for yourself and if you plan how you go about it, there is no need for confrontation or arguments.

I'm tired of being treated like a child, but every time I balk against it my parents tell me I'm being rude.

Peoples need severe correction specially these from what i call the "Mass"

I am currently experiencing this problem with my family. I have just ended a 7 year relationship and am trying to move out of my ex's house and find a flat of my own, and my mother especially (as well as my dad and aunt) are all talking to me like I am a child and haven't thought through what I am doing. It makes me furious

If anything, they should be treating you with more respect because you had the maturity and the courage to decide to end such a long relationship.

thankyou. It took a hell of a lot of courage. My mother disapproves though and thinks I should have stuck in an unfulfilling relationship until I die because it means the bills get paid and I have a roof over my head, etc. Apparently ending it was very selfish of me, and now I am going to be miserable and lonely for the rest of my life because I'm such a horrible person that no-one else could possibly want me.

I do sympathise, autisticstar. I get the same treatment from most people. Partly, it is related to the fact that I look much younger than I am, partly, it is because I am very immature emotionally and it shows very, very much. But it is weird, really, I've always been very independent , I never try to make people do anything for me and I ask for help or direction very, very rarely, so I don't think that I am childish by natiure, it is just my appearance.
It used to make me angry, now I am quite used to being treated like a child. People tend to be more tolerant to children than to fellow adults, so I found out that being perceived as a child results in less stigma.

Last edited by Severus on 04 Jun 2011, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The idea that you need to be in a relationship to be happy is antediluvian and is not relevant, especially if you're on the spectrum. Society makes us think some crazy thoughts.

I used to assume that I needed to get married and unlike most girls, I was dreading my obligatory wedding. I feel much better now that I decided to do away with that. My particular autism has my brain wired so I don't feel sexual attraction. I've forced myself to be in relationships, but I was young and I didn't realize that it wasn't healthy. I'm much happier now that I took that pressure off myself. The idea of living alone is appealing to me. When I get home from a long day at school and work, the last thing I want is another human to have to talk to when I get home.

I experience that a great deal. I get treated like a child very often. I guess that it's both my reaction time and the fact that I have a sweet, angelic face. My parents were really bad about treating me like a child, until I moved out in 2006. I also have people doing things for me without asking if I need help, because of my appearance.

i would descend to swearing it makes a good point often times.

You could recognise that they are the ones being childish, and when they say *X Condescending Comment* just pretend that they have said something nice instead and sort of ignore it. If they realise they will no longer be able to upset you they may decide to stop one day.

I get this feeling a lot. Definitely more now that someone in my family has told everyone they know - as well as all my family members (even far-off distant cousins) that I have Aspergers (undiagnosed). Now, my father doesn't talk to me unless I'm in the same room as him...my brothers still treat me like a kid - but not really TOO condescending (I enjoy being childish around them, it's fun)...my mom just takes it all in...

...however, if I exhibit even a MINOR Aspergery sign, they seem to pat me on the head (metaphorically) and send me on my way.

Also, since this family member has told all of their friends, now whenever I'm around them, they treat me like I've got the plague. No one EVER takes anything I say with a grain of salt anymore.

What's worse is, I have a cousin that used to work with mentally disabled people in a group home - you know, those people who take special people out for socialization, or to the grocery store, or just to experience the world, but they're there to keep them in check. Well, you can only guess how he treats me now. I about want to shoot myself sometimes (no, not literally) because it makes me so angry that I'm getting treated like I have poisonous spikes growing out of me and I don't know it.

Bah.

Yes, I know how you feel. However, I let them do this. I HAVE, in the past, said that "I'm not an idiot" and "Stop treating me like I'm a three-year-old", but apparently, they think of these "outbursts" as childish, so it really defeats the purpose of speaking up. I just let them do what they do now.

I wasn't "diagnosed" until I was 36, so for the last three years this all has come to light. I have to deal with them saying things like, "If we only would've known, we could've done something about it." They say this in front of me, to other people. I'll have you know, for the people who DON'T know about it, and then I tell them (to avoid hearing it from someone else), they're dumbfounded. Most people don't think I have Aspergers....

I prefer to call myself unique.