Trust issues

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Do others here have trust issues? and how do you deal with trusting someone - in particular I mean learning how to trust someone who genuinely ought to be trustworthy, and hasn't done anything at all to misplace that trust, but also hasn't managed to win my trust.

I am asking because I think trust is an issue in my relationship with my husband, not in the sense that I think he's off having affairs..... more in the sense I am not able to trust him to put plates in the right place in the cupboard! <meant to be humorous! I'm not quite that bad!>

I have learned to trust people in the past, but generally only after they have had to go to great lengths to win that trust.
My husband hasn't done anything bad, but for example, he has missed the occasional thing, that makes it hard for me to trust him 100% in that area again. eg picking someone up late.

I know the general answer is to chill - he's only human - I KNOW that 'chilling' is what I want to do....what I'm asking is how do I go about 'chilling'?

I have those types of issues as well.

This could relate to either perfectionism or obsessive thoughts, maybe?

yeah - maybe a bit of both I think. I have really got a reasonable grip on perfectionism when it comes to others - at least I thought - but perhaps not as good as I hoped.... and I guess that is one way of looking at it.
- not so much trust - as flexibility in the degree that the other person has to get it right - yeah that fits in some cases - but doesn't cover everything.

Obsession - hmmmm - again probably covers some things.

Maybe as there's not one route cause there's not one simple solution.
I'd still like to hear about any ideas though!

.....and nice to know I'm not alone CockneyRebel

I'm the opposite. I trust people too quickly, and then trust them again if they mess up - it really takes about ten times as long for me to stop trusting someone as it would the average person I think. Maybe it's related to your issues though. I trust too much because I have a hard time seeing when people are untrustworthy - maybe you trust too little because you have a hard time seeing when they are trustworthy? Just a thought
The only solution I can think of is to think it through. If you know that you're going overboard, then your thoughts and feelings aren't matching up, right? You might feel that he's going to mess up while thinking that he might not. If you go with your thoughts, then it gives him a little space to prove that you can trust him.

ETA: Hope you don't mind - just saw in another thread that you have a toddler. Have you always been like this with trust issues, or is this new? Because you could be in mommy mode. I'm usually trusting, but if it comes to our daughter, I have a hard time giving my partner the benefit of the doubt because (from my point of view) he constantly screws up when it comes to her. I know rationally that he just hasn't spent as much time with her as I have, but when he does things like doesn't think to change her diaper and she gets a rash, rational doesn't quite keep me from going off about it.

"I trust too little because I have a hard time seeing when someone is trustworthy". This is absolutely true.

I have worked in the military, and short of knowing someone will lay down their life for me - and I for them - I don't see trust. I was brought up by a probable-Aspie dad, who didn't trust. and I learned to 'trust only myself' though my upbringing.

(I should caveat, my upbringing, now I understand AS, could not have been more fulfilling and accommodating - and I owe my general success in life to parents who - for want of a better way to put it built my confidence because they didn't see my obvious AS traits as weird; there is a high chance both my father, and maternal grandfather were spectrumites)

The little'un isn't a huge source of mistrust actually - his dad is superb with him, but of course there have been some moments! And I think his dad would probably say the same about me

Still I have some major personality flaws that need ironing out.
And this is one.

....I'm pouring out my heart now when I probably shouldn't...... but I sometimes think I'm not cut out for family life - yet I have been very successful in bringing up two well balanced NT teenagers so far. I'm not about to give up, but sometimes I want to.

I seem to trust too easily in some ways, yet lose trust too easily in others, which is strange.
I am told I am too trusting for having let a women I didn't know that well come round to my place, and for allowing it even after she had behaved in a way that suggested she had some issues.
Yet, also, I find that if someone is late once, for example, I expect them to be late every time from then on. I sort of anticipate that anything they do that loses trust, will be a permanent fixture.