Aspie blokes Career survival hints

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Hi All

I posted the following post in the "adult's" section but suspect that I may get more sensible discussion here.

Aspergers can make life bloody difficult so I reckon that we need a blokes survival guide.

I was a commissioned army officer and am now a fairly successful accountant,(MBA from a very good school and CFO of fairly big NGOs) and married with a kid.

I would like to pass on the following tips that have worked for me and have been learnt from the school of hard knocks. I found that applying a lot of my early lessons from officer training have helped me to prosper and would like to pass a few on.

Here are a few tips that have helped me.

1. Sh*t, shave, shower, shampoo every day (before work).
2. Haircut first saturday of month.
3. Clean shirt every day.
4. Try playing "the strong silent type. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/he- ... -advantage
5. Work out a winter/summer uniform for each activity you do...pub,....work...sport.
6. Always carry a notebook and pen and use your phone for appointments.
7. Build decompression time into your day (get a shed or take up golf!)
8. Clean and vacuum your car on Sunday afternoon.
9. Develop a methodology to differentiate bullying from banter.
10. Run/walk 1.5 miles every day.

What can you blokes add to this list? I reckon between us we can save the younger blokes a heap of sh*t that we have had to learn by trial and error.

Last edited by ProudAspie on 01 Jun 2011, 4:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

Of course she might like the sweaty, unshaven Hugh Jackman as Wolverine type but I suppose it's best to play it safe.

I'm curious about something though. Why are regular bowel movements such a point of concern for so many men?

Generally find that if you can secure a six figure income everything else slips into place.

Therefore, "her" preferences are largely imaterial but have not met many cavemen look alikes in board rooms.

learn to love fear and anxiety. Train your brain to see it as a cue to take action. The moments where you are fearfull are the most important ones on which you will look back in regret or pride. So monitor your emotions and you will know when to push forward, whatever you do dont run away from fear because it will hunt you. You can run when you dont feel anything this means you dont care, but if you are anxious whatever you do dont chicken out.

What is decompression time supposed to be? Some time alone or to collect thoughts/relax?

Yes thats it...time to decompress when everybody has been hastling you.

I need about an hour a day.

How does this translate to everyday action?

I would add:

11. Never give a quick answer when asked for an opinion - make sure that you understand the situation fully and have all of the facts. Do not make a quick decision on partial or incorrect information.
12. Listen out for and take account of the stated needs of your SO, even if you do not understand why there is a need.

I am sure that there are many more things that can be added.

I haven't cut my hair in 5 years.

It's really not necessary. Nor is shaving.

Not all of us aspire to join the armed forces, y'know? Being clean is one thing. Conforming to your Army image...that's something else.

I had assumed that the survival guide was advice for surviving in a relationship or just in the NT world. I did not assume that it related to surviving in the trenches or conforming to an army image.

I have only known I was AS for a short period. One of the things that I now realize about myself is that others do not see me the way I see myself. Things that I do not consider important are highly important to others. If I want to have good social relationships, good working relationships or just make more friends, I have to take into account what others think about me and what they need from me. I don’t have to understand why certain things are important I just have to accept that they are. By taking a little time to revisit myself and by making a few fundamental but easy changes to how I behave and present myself, I have turned around my life in a big way.

We all make choices in our lives. If you are happy in the way that you are, then who am I to criticize; it’s your life. However, if you are not so happy with your life, then you may well benefit from ProudAspie’s advice. You may not understand why these things are important, if you can just accept that they are.

The thing about advice is that one size never fits all.

But still, it's good to hear how other people approach things, and maybe learn a thing or two.

I can see how a regimented lifestyle could have a lot of appeal for aspies.

My ADD overrules any of my attempts to regiment my life. Chaos, baby

Last edited by Moog on 01 Jun 2011, 3:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have not met many professionals with long beards and long hair.

This post is not about the army it is about surviving and prospering in a society that rewards conformity.

Like I say this thread is not so much about the Army, more about how to survive in a fairly regimented society.

Large Corporations are, in my experience, very similar to the military.

The difference, is that in the Army the rules are explicit but in Corporations and Society as a whole they tend to be tacit.

Therefore, if we can try to document what the rules are we then have the choice over conforming or not rather thanstaggering around in a hit or miss manner.

Practical application concerning Lions:
If you run into a lion you should just stand there and look that lion in the eye!. Even if you are very afraid you cannot run away. If you run from the lion he will take a big bite out of your buttox. For the next couple of years you will be reminded of what a coward you where everytime you try to sit down and cry in pain.

Since we are talking about military and confirmity i gues it might be better to lay low on every conflict to please others. Unfortunately this comes with a nasty side effect, it will eat away at your self esteem. So maybe its wise to search for a middle ground. All i was trying to say is that you will be unhappy if you put others wellbeing before your own and you cannot let fear talk you out of doing things you want to do.

It can be anything from arguments, women, to protecting your ego. Fear of failure can stop you from making the right choices and not making those choices can lead you to regret. Regret is a b***h. So when you feel fear you know its time to make that choice which causes you to be scared.
Failing is far preferable to not trying at all, when you make the choice to not try you are actually integrating that into your sub concious (i cant do this). Every time you let fear control your choice you add to the momentum and make it more likely to get controlled by fear in the future. If you start building a pattern to go against the fear and enjoy it then you are Winning.

EDIT: didnt see it was for career only i thought it was for aspie teens.

Mate, success breeds success:

you get a good job,
you get money in your pocket,
you get a nice car,
you get a nice appartment,
you can afford good clothes
people listen to you,
you have both self respect and confidence and others can see it in your manner and posture:therefore
you will attract friends who share the same self respect and women are attracted to you......
you can afford to take your dates to nice places,
you are secure in the relationship because you know that if you split up another will be along pretty soon.
Success breeds success and it tends to compound in an upward cycle.

To get a good job, unless you are very, very talented and invent something you have to play by a set of rules. If you don't

you get a crap job or are unemployed,
you have no cash,
you drive a crappy old car or catch the bus
you live in a dive or stay with ma' and pa'
people ignore you,
you are percieved as wierd or a failure
you have no self respect and will not attract friends or women.
things deteriorate in a downward spin.


As a rule, people hire people that they perceive to be like them.
NTs are fairly superficial so a few costmetic and straightforward changes and procedures can yield massive dividends.
NTs pick up these rules intuitively Aspies don't.

The career advantage I found with the army is the rules are written down,and most of these rules apply throughout the corporate world and within society in general.

My Aspie relatives, who did not have the advantage of military service had problems adapting in investment banking, law firms or big 4 accounting firm because they were expected to figure the rules out themselves.

I agree this is a black and white perception of the world and there will be exceptions that "proove the rule" but a realpolitik view of the world is helpful. I recommend that you have a look at johari window theory http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window

I meet a hell of a lot of recently graduated accountants,IT bods and engineers in my line of work. A lot have Aspie traits and a lot get binned at interview because of crap shaves, poor personal hygene/grooming and inappropriate attire. I suspect that about 25% of top grads in these professions have Aspie traits. However, I am the only C level executive I have ever come across with Aspie traits. How hard is it to take care of the easy matters?...Its not.

Therefore, if we can try to identify as many of the rules of the corporate world as we can this may be the start of a useful resource for Aspies who are in the relatively early stages ,and in some cases the later stages, of their careers.

Something to be said for this - basic training is, well, basic - they teach you the basic way you do stuff in the military - if you've never had any exposure to that before, it could help. If you can't shave and change your underwear responsibly, they're not going to give you a 105mm howitzer to shoot.

Anyone with AS already has two strikes against them, so some basic personal appearance stuff would help. Either that or work in a field where eccentricity is expected.

Also helpful to realize that soldiers put the mission first and don't complain - one of the real issues in the workforce these days is people who are so self-centered they don't get the job done. A random company's people may not like you, but if you get the job done and are reliable they'll put up with you.

The good news is the Army, Marines, etc produce a lot of field manuals on the taxpayer's dollar and you can download them online. The Marines, for instance, published "Marine Corps Values: A User's Guide for Discussion Leaders" (MCRP 6-11B) which is like the best self-help book ever written, to learn how to be a leader or a follower in an organization, plus it's free. It discusses core values like professionalism. (If you like history, there's also an extended first-person historical case study from Belleau Wood in WWI.)

The only thing I'd really add to this discussion is that you have to fit all this into your own priorities and values in life. What's right for one person may be exactly wrong for another. You also have to be aware of your personal strengths and weaknesses, which is something you learn really fast in the military, and learn to maximize your strengths.