Board index › Age/Gender related discussions › In-Depth Adult Life Discussion

Need advice on dealing with intense, overstimulating person

Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

ladyasd
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 54

11 Aug 2011, 5:22 am

I have a friend/business associate who is very sweet and caring, but almost everything about her is painfully overstimulating to me. She talks loudly in a harsh voice, dominates any conversation, and when she's around, I don't get a moment away from her.

In groups, I find it very hard when there are pairs of people all having different conversations, and in that sort of situation, she will latch on to me and talk at me, following me around if I move. When I've been with her, even more than usual after social situations, I need a lot of quiet time to recover.

She is a very giving person and has done some very nice things for me, but it's too much. She knows I'm AS and I have tried to tell her how things affect me, but it's just the way she is and when I say the slightest hint of how I feel, she gets very upset. Ive tried to explain about needing quiet time, but she does the NT thing of assuming that when a person is overwhelmed, what they *really* need is someone intense talking in their ear all night :(

Has anyone successfully dealt with a situation like this, or have any advice?

Thank you x



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

11 Aug 2011, 6:20 am

ladyasd wrote:
I have a friend/business associate who is very sweet and caring, but almost everything about her is painfully overstimulating to me. She talks loudly in a harsh voice, dominates any conversation, and when she's around, I don't get a moment away from her.

In groups, I find it very hard when there are pairs of people all having different conversations, and in that sort of situation, she will latch on to me and talk at me, following me around if I move. When I've been with her, even more than usual after social situations, I need a lot of quiet time to recover.

She is a very giving person and has done some very nice things for me, but it's too much. She knows I'm AS and I have tried to tell her how things affect me, but it's just the way she is and when I say the slightest hint of how I feel, she gets very upset. Ive tried to explain about needing quiet time, but she does the NT thing of assuming that when a person is overwhelmed, what they *really* need is someone intense talking in their ear all night :(

Has anyone successfully dealt with a situation like this, or have any advice?

Thank you x


I wouldn't characterize her behavior as particularly NT. It could just as easily be characterized as spectrum behavior. I'm not claiming she has AS but remember there are those with AS who are outgoing. The thing is, they still fail at social endeavors, or at least struggle, because they are too intense and don't know when to shut up and back off.

She probably follows you around in these social situations because you make her feel more secure in them. When you do need some time alone, you might tell her that you have a bad headache or you need to go pray or meditate or something.



jedaustin
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 310
Location: Apache Junction, Arizona

11 Aug 2011, 8:35 am

The only way I can deal with such over stimulating kinds of people is to focus within to pull my senses away from them. I don't even think about it anymore; it just happens. If it gets really bad I end up doing things that people think are rude like put on my ear phones to listen to an audio book or music that changes my mood as a way of focusing on something other than the outside world.