My thoughts on lust.

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I've seriously contemplated this thing called LUST recently and this is what I realized. First of all, I believe that materialism and lust are the same in principle, think about it. When a man lusts after a woman, he depersonalizes her in his mind and turns (usually subconsciously) her into an desirable object for his (temporary) self-pleasure, sex. When this happens the focus is not on the things that really matter, like the woman's personal qualities, traits, character, personality etc.. but on her physical appearance. Consider this though, to be honest I think women set themselves up for this, they arouse the beast known as sexual desire, one of a man's most formidable impulses, she excites this by the way she dresses, showing off all her curves in those tight jeans and shirt. She entices the man to consider her physical appearance first, instead of her character & personality. Given this first impression the male's first thoughts about her likely will pertain to having sex and he will pursue her not because he cares so much about getting to know her, but because he was enticed by her body.

I think this is a cultural flaw. Pop culture is so filled with this sort of doctrine that says you have to be sexy and good looking and have to have all these nice material possessions because everyone else is doing it. Consequently, to women and men who are not physically attractive according to pop cultural standards, this becomes a major source of shame and low self esteem for some of these individuals, how unfortunate that A persons sense of self is called into question because of something so rather trivial and unimportant such as their physical appearance. The real trap with modernism is the over emphasis on money, materialism and sexual appeal.


Source: http://www.bsos.umd.edu/socy/vanneman/s ... vorce.html

60+ years ago women didn't dress so revealing and lusty. Could it be a factor in the divorce rate that it corresponds with this more revealing/sexual change in fashion? Could it be that there are more divorces now because men are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons? I think lust is a very dangerous thing. Men (& women) should seriously examine their motives for wanting to get into a relationship with the other person before they do it, and the man or woman must be totally honest with his/her self about their motives. I learned from experience that a relationship built on lust always fails. Should you need to be reminded of the other dangers of lust, I recommend thinking about how often you hear on the news about some politician cheating on his wife and him landing into some serious ethical and career trouble over it, it seems one of these pops up in the news every 6 months or so. How great it would be we learned from their vices! Right?

Correlation doesn't imply causation.

I agree with your point that states that the objectification of women could possibly lead to higher divorce rates. I don't think it is the primary cause, nor a secondary, or anywhere close to being a high factor. I do, however believe that it definitely could be a reason that could and does lead to future problems in a relationship. I have to say that not only are women being objectified currently, but men are also being the fantasy object of many women. Movies like Twilight feed women with emotional pornography and basically soft porn imagery. It puts pressure on men to be Edward in the sense of being infallible, and like Jacob in the sense of sex appeal. I think that women definitely bring it upon themselves by dressing in ways that draw attention to their breasts (plunging neckline) and tight clothing does them in too. Men can be sort of promiscuous in the same way. As a man I don't see how some men could be attractive, but I've learned from listening to pop culture and ordinary people talking about how sexy men portrayed in the media are. They are sexy because they are buff and wear revealing clothes. I don't think we can just stand by and be silent. I think someone should do something to bring society back to a better point. Although society in always changing; for example, the new trend in beauty is the skinny man. We've evolved into a new type of sexuality when it comes to men. The once weak and unattractive men portrayed by the media are now objects of power. Power in the sense that they hold women captive by their "sexuality". Women that wear revealing clothes in the media are manipulating people into being attracted to them, consequently, giving them power over those naive individuals. I don't consider myself naive in the sense that my "breath is taken away" by a beautiful woman. I'm not saying that I'm not attracted to women, but I am saying that I hate it when they have so much influence over my emotions that it causes me to lose control of my thoughts. Not sexual thoughts, but just thoughts about us dating or "I like the way she walks". The power we have over individuals that we have sexual chemistry with is astounding. I think that "breath is taken away" wasn't a very good saying for my point, but oh well..... : ).... I hope this made sense.

Lust, based on physical attractiveness, is usually what prompts someone to talk to a potential romantic partner. Each person has an ideal of what is attractive to them in the opposite sex, or same sex but I'm using opposite sex examples in this post because it's what I relate to.

A man might see a woman at a party or a club and think she is good looking. Sure, he's thinking about sex, but first he has to talk to her. Lust is usually the first step in people meeting, dating and eventually marrying. If you were in a bar looking to meet someone would you go up and talk to someone you did not find attractive? How are you supposed to meet your potential spouse if you don't have somewhere to start looking?

I've been on dates with many different guys in my time, and all them I went on I agreed to go because I thought the guy was good looking. Well, except one and he was a blind date. Wait, twice. I tried to date a guy because he was rich and I just couldn't do it. I told him that romance didn't seem to be in the cards for us, but I did genuinely like him and wanted to be friends, and we are still somewhat in contact to this day. I meant it about being friends and he knew that. My idea of good looking may not be the same as other women's ideas of good looking.

Once you start talking to the person you think is good looking, then you find out about their personality, sense of humor, intelligence, etc. Unless someone is looking for just a one night hookup, then the lack of or objectionable personality, sense of humor and intelligence can kill the whole thing no matter how good looking they are. I dated a very good looking guy once who was dumb as a rock and had no sense of humor or personality to speak of. We went out a few months. I tried to overlook all that because he was so good looking. It did not work.

Unless you want an arranged marriage, you have to start somewhere to find a spouse, and you might as well start at the most basic instinct of all and build on that. When a guy comes up to a girl in a bar and wants to buy her a drink he does so because he thinks she's good looking. If the girl accepts the drink and talks to him she either thinks he's good looking too or wants free booze. I always told guys who I didn't think were good looking who asked if they could buy me a drink "Yes, but I'm not having sex with you". Quite a few actually liked that and thought it was funny. I was being serious. Some walked off, some stayed and we talked.

So, lust isn't bad. It's essential. There would be no mating and reproduction without lust. Well, I'm sure there would be, but it wouldn't be any fun for anybody. Uncontrolled lust is what causes harm. I might see a really good looking man and feel lust, but I'm married and not cheating. Just because I feel that feeling does not mean I would do anything about it. Same as the guys the OP mentioned who cheat on their wives. They didn't control their lust.

Lust is the appetite which love is built on. Uncontrolled lust leads to adultry and being a ho. Just as uncontrolled actual appetite leads to gluttony, although controlled appetite leads to eating enough food to stay alive.

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