Being 'Told'

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I don't like 'getting told'. Yet this happens to me almost daily. I've had a love/ hate relationship with this website.

I think I can brush off critism from 'NT' people quite easily, however real comments from 'normal' aspie people here really get me upset. I take their opinions more seriously as they think in the similar terms to the terms that I think in.

I said something inappropriate in one of the other forums, and I was immediatly rebuked. Until I heard the rebuke I was unaware of how serious of an judgement error I had made. Now I have an overwhelming feeling of regret and shame for doing this. I hadn't considered the comment I made from 'that' perspective.

I often avoid this site for months at a time for fear of 'what may happen', but sooner or later I'm drawn back by the need to feel that 'I belong' to something greater than myself.

What is the best way to accept rebuttal? How can I accept and live with my own character faults? No one is perfect I know, but I'm a lot less perfect than most people. I have more character faults than anyone else that I know. Its hard...

The best way to accept rebuttal is to move on to the next thing. As long as you think about the rebuttal, you won't move on. If you live your life in a vacuum, this can be difficult to do. Having other interests/hobbies as a distraction is always a good thing.

Repent, I feel your pain. I always end up doing something like what you describe and losing people as friends or whatever. So, you are far from alone with this issue. WHat helps me deal with it is trying to slow down and NOT let myself get really into an arguement, trying to let being right and making sure that is acknowledged go, and waiting to reply to something that offended me. I can't speak for anyone else, but I am here to connect in some way with people and I don't want to drive these strange people that are so much like me away. Ifyou ever need help, I'll try to the best of my ability just IM me. That goes for everryone else to. DISCLAIMER: I am not very successful with my own life, so my help may not help. But I'll try.

I experience this exact thing, as well.

For me, the solution is to try and be more discerning about what I intend to take from this site. As one example, I often think that getting advice on relationships here is akin to asking a blind man for advice on how to draw a flower. I'm often utterly incredulous at some of the suggestions that people will accept from another aspie, especially one who clearly has the same socialiblity issues that they do. If you wanted tips on how to be a better tennis player, for instance, do you go to the guy who has trouble getting the ball back over the net, or do you go to the best player you can find?

I've also come to the conclusion that, most of the time, when people ask for "advice" here, they don't really want practical suggestions. What they want instead is for someone to commiserate with them. Now, I don't think commiseration is a bad thing, necessarily, but it's caused me to re-evaluate those kinds of threads (ironically, it's occurred to me that this could be one of them ... but somehow I don't think so).

At the same time, it's been very enlightening to me to read of other people's symptoms and experiences, many of which mirror my own. It's always good to discover you're not alone, or that you're not really from some other planet.

How to deal with a rebuttal depends on whether or not it's right.

Sometimes people will say you're wrong when you aren't. If this happens, then rebut their rebuttal.

Other times, they're right. If you were factually or logically incorrect, acknowledge the error and move on.

If you were actually rude or mean, apologize for it and avoid doing it again.

Whatever you do, don't dwell on an error continuously and beat yourself up over it.

One thing I usually do before posting is read my post and make sure it isn't mean/rude/stupid/wrong/etc. That can help you catch your mistakes before you make them, but it's basically impossible not to make any at all.

If you are mean to somebody then PM them and appologise. They probably couldn't care less, and will respond very graciously. I get insulted on a regular basis on WP but I don't let it affect me. Like most people won't let what you say affect them. It's not as big of a deal as you think it is.