Isolation as a coping mechanism?

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Does anyone else find themself isolating themself just to keep from getting hurt?

Lately I've stayed at home (all summer, we've had a dosey here w/temps above 100 degrees many days) & I've used the heat as an excuse to stay at home in the nice cold a/c.

Just realized this morning that I've forgotten to take my anti-depressant for about a week & BOY I SURE CAN FEEL THE LACK OF IT!

I'm just tired of winding up in awkward situations where I turn out to be the "bad gal".

Anyone else ever get this way?

i know where you're coming from [so-to-speak]- i shoulda named myself MRmarginalized. becoming a hermit was a lifesaving move for me. but heaven would be a lot better.

Yes. I've been in fight-or-flight mode for weeks, off and on. I've barely left the house or talked to anyone unless absolutely necessary. I think it's just too much coming at me at once, and if i don't isolate myself some, I'll react out of paranoia.

Yes but no.

Yes I do stay away but I'm pretty sure it's also a very reasonable act. It's a strength.

NTs go and socialise many atime because they can not cope with their own company. Not some grand socialising instinct - they just have nothing unless other people are filling in the gap.

Thank yourself for doing it. Respect your instincts.

Last edited by youngdoug on 07 Aug 2011, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yep.

I find myself needing to withdraw and pretty much not talk to anyone for a few days if I've been overly socially stimulated. Somewhat like rebooting my head or recharging my batteries.

Yes, I too isolate myself most of the time, but by now I am used to it, and prefer it. By the time I was in my mid to late teens, I realized that I would never fit in. I had been isolated by NT kids, and, because of their tormenting behaviors, by myself, to protect myself. I am in my fifties now, and am a hermit by choice. I still do interact with others when necessary, but it is easier to deal with the stress it causes, since I know that I can be alone most of the time. Sure, it would be nice to be "normal" and fit in, but it ain't gonna happen for me. Being alone is definitely better. I had to live with relatives most of my life, and have only been on my own for about 6 1/2 years now. Alone is better for me. The stress of living with others was horrible. We all drove each other crazy. They thought I could become normal, and couldn't deal with the real me. I couldn't deal with their unrealistic expectations, and their frustration based anger. I never want to live with anyone again! I get along better with all of my relatives now that we are not under the same roof. My life is so much more peaceful now. There are still problems, but they are easier to deal with, now that I don't have to deal with my relatives all the time, too.

Being solitary is not for everyone, but it isn't always a bad thing. If you find yourself in that situation, just try to look at the positives that come with solitary living. Have a good life!

the positives of hermithood-

*peace and quiet
*being able to listen to one's choice of music at whatever time and volume level one chooses
*being able to set the thermostat at one' own comfortable temperature
*getting to drive at whatever speed one chooses without a sideseat passenger complaining about it
*getting to be a stinky slob sans complaint
*getting to keep one's own hours
*not having to dress a certain way to please a partner
*not having to wear a wedding ring
*getting to eat food and drink liquids right out of the container
*never any arguments
*never having to mindread one's partner to figure out what's eating 'em when they refuse to talk about it
*too many others to list here

and now the negatives-

*no conveniently close-by sex, and mostly no sex at all
*nobody to share anything with
*no love and affection from a warm-blooded human being
*nobody to keep one company in the long lonely night
*when one is ailing, nobody to help in getting around
*nobody to help in emergencies, IOW one may be found dead and rotting a long time after a medical emergency
*being treated as a 2nd-class [IOW unwanted and unfashionable singleton] customer on cruise ships and the like
*no sex [it bears repeating ]
*no moral support
*too many others to list here



or at least a life.

Yes. I go into "isolation mode" when I need to recharge my batteries. Whenever I come home from school, therapy etc., the 1st thing I do is go to my room and turn on the TV. And I usually stay there until it's time for school or some other errand.

I slip into "isolation mode" for months at a time.
Then when I have to or should come out of it, it is horribly hard to.

Yes, that's a pattern I'm following, though tends to be shorter periods. I love not going outside for days on end.

And then I am out a lot.

if it weren't for my monthly aspie meetups, i'd have slowly gone off the deep end.

I have my own house, make sure i pay all my bills on time, live in a different state than my adult kids and siblings. Keeps the wolves from the door and the family on good terms.
A hobby is essential. Something to do that gives you a feeling of something done. You can veg when you want, eat when you want, sleep when you want. I get soc sec. Figure its the governments way of keeping me out from under foot. I never go to restaurants at working people lunch times, or grocery shop on friday evenings. I dont have to anyway so why slow down the rat race.
As far as eating out or seeing a movie alone, no problem. If I can drive through a fast food for that stuff, I can certainly eat good food alone.
Popcorn is all yours at the movie.
I find it important to have a pet, but some want more freedom to travel, alone. I hate making friends. Always just screw it up anyway.

I do this. I've just had 2 very busy (for me) and more importantly socialising weekends in succession.
The first one was OK, because I knew most of the people there, and the venue.
This second one I really haven't enjoyed. it cost me more money, the weather was awful, I was cold, wet, with 6 other people of whom I only knew one well, in an area I didn't know at all and to cap it all it cost me more money than expected, and more than it should have done. I feel ripped off for a social function?!

I need this coming week end to be by myself, and BE myself, especially as I'm going to a wedding the following one. ..
Too much for me, even though I knew it was coming.

Definitely use this as a way to cope with the Universe in General and Everyone in it in Particular (to paraphrase Douglas Adams). The more stimulus, the more decompression that's needed. And a suprising amount of sleep.

The problem I have is that it's my default mode, so without the imposed external structure of having to get out of the house and go to work, I would probably go slowly nuts. It's like I need the being alone, but also need a routine, and find it more difficult to impose one just for myself.

If I manage to get some quality time - exercise, engaging interests, even chores - then that's fine and i'm fine. If however, like this weekend, something disrupts that 'good' momentum, the capacity to function just legs it & i'm stuck in a spiral until the external force of Monday morning work intervenes.

I don't know why this happens, but unless I can sort it out my 'ideal' of being able to work from home wouldn't do me much good, and that's immensely frustrating.

Yes, this is exactly what I have been doing since my junior year in high school and I am now in my fifties. How I got to be in my fifties I have no idea since I thought the stress of life was going to "get" me by thirty. After noise and/or social interaction like listening to people talk, classes, shopping or movies, etc. my batteries are so over-charged with stimuli (?) and just general people-energy-detritus that disappearing is the only way for me not to go ballistic or who knows what.
Making NT friends was crossed off my list a long time ago. Walls are imperative.
I am a hermit though I live sort of in a town. I like to take long drives way out away from here so I feel kind of free. ($) Also long solo hikes or runs when I'm in shape, and long quiet episodes of drawing and painting up in the mountains.
So, ditto the negative consequences and ditto most of the positives from auntblabby :
*peace and quiet
*being able to listen to one's choice of music at whatever time and volume level one chooses
*being able to set the thermostat at one' own comfortable temperature
*getting to drive at whatever speed one chooses without a sideseat passenger complaining about it
*getting to be a stinky slob sans complaint - or, I'll add, obsessing about cleanliness in the house:)
*getting to keep one's own hours
*not having to dress a certain way to please a partner
*not having to wear a wedding ring
*getting to eat food and drink liquids right out of the container
*never any arguments
*never having to mindread one's partner to figure out what's eating 'em when they refuse to talk about it
*too many others to list here
And, I can control visitors' access to me so we spend just the right amount of time together which mainly means none at all in the case of most of my relatives.