Pressures of Life getting on top of me.

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I may not be 30+ or living independently (yet) but I'm on my way there, with my partner.

But that's exactly what's been causing me no-end of stress. My partner and I have to move out of my Nan's house, to a studio flat (bedsit) in another town that's about a 40 min drive from where we live now. We're moving because my partner has to start collage there this September (not long left), on an apprenticeship with his step-father. His Mum and step-father live in the town we are moving to, and no more than a 15 min walk from where the flat is, so we wont be "alone" but we'll have Independence.

I've always been very dependent. Although I like the idea of privacy with my partner and having our "own" space, I'm completely terrified about having to do things that I've always had done for me, for myself. It's not that I just don't want to do things for myself, it's that I'm scared that I won't be able to. That things will fall apart and I won't be able to handle it. It wouldn't be as bad if it were just me I had to worry about, because I'd only be letting myself down. But it's not just me, it's my partner too. I don't want to let him down.

I've been doing all the form filling (which I don't mind) and phone calling (which I do mind... But have to do.) because I feel like it's the least I could do. My partner is worrying about the Apprenticeship and weather or not he'll be able to do it and our future is riding on his doing well. That's enough pressure for anyone, in my opinion. It also makes me worry less when I do it myself, because then I feel I have more control over the issue, and that makes it a little easier to handle. Not that I doubt my partner doing it, but it's easier when I know exactly what was asked and said, and my partner won't recall conversations "word for word" for me and that's very stressful.

The last 3 days have been... Hell. Wednesday I went to the doctors to see about a specialist, and although the doctor was nice and understanding, she told me that because I was moving she couldn't refer me, I have to get one from my doctor when I move. Although that wasn't exactly what I wanted, to me it was a step forward, but it still left me feeling a little empty. Not to mention I was so anxious and stressed sat in the waiting room I was shaking and my head felt a huge pressure in my head.

The same day, we had to go to the job center and sign on (Job Seekers Allowance/benefits). It's very rare that I go out at all, and even rarer that when I do go out I do more than one thing on that day, so I was very stressed. That was over quick and from there we went to my partners Dad's house (where my partner lived before he lived with me).
His Dad was going to give us a lift to see the flat.
I'd rang up about it the day before and the man told me to ring up about an hour before we are about to come down and he'd meet us at the flat, as the letting office is only around the corner from the flat. So I did, just before we were about to go, I rang and the man (it sounded like the same man) told me that I shouldn't have been told that and that I need to make an appointment... So we made one for the next day... That made me feel so stressed/under pressure that I got a huge headache.

The only thing that is even rarer than me doing more than one thing outside of my house on the same day, is going out 2 days in a row.
I got up Thursday morning and my bones felt like they were all going to fall apart at the joints and I felt weak and tired. But for the sake of our future, I couldn't just stay home. I got dressed and we went and looked at the flat. It wasn't amazing, but it's all we can do for now. We went to the letting office and they gave us some application forms to fill in, and we went home. This day wasn't as stressful, but with all that happened the day before and the fact that I had to mentally prepare myself to go out 2 days in a row had me drained and I had another severe headache when I got home, worse than the day before.

Today was supposed to be a day of rest, I filled the forms in (as much as I could at this point) yesterday, so they were out of the way. But the thing we have to worry about now is Housing Benefits. We won't be able to afford the rent and pay for food/gas/electric on £100 a week (rent is £87.50 a week). And I've been killing myself trying to find out how to do this. I rang up (reluctantly) and the woman told me we have to be living there before we make a claim... How can we live there if we can't afford to?? We can barely afford the deposit, letting agency fees and first months rent up front (£850 all together) with the money we've been saving over the last 2 years (we only just started claiming JSA 2 months ago because we had to - Before that we were living off my Nan and money we got for Birthdays/Christmas). We won't even have enough to furnish the flat (it's unfurnished) it doesn't even have a fridge and with my OCD there's no way I can use the cooker they already have there, and there's no shower, and I can't leave the house unless I've had a shower and I can't have a bath it makes me feel dirtier than when I got in, and the man said we could install one but out of our own money - so we'll have to get a new shower, cooker and fridge-freezer, and we wont even be able to afford that!! We'll need to borrow from family or take out a grant.

This is all too much to handle in such a short amount of time! He starts collage at the begging of next month!
My head feels like it full of pressure, my eye-sight is all weird (everything is like closer, yet further away all at the same time) almost like I'm dizzy all the time.

I don't know what to do... If I can't handle this stuff, how am I going to handle life after all this??
I'm starting to doubt if I'm even cut out to live independently... Even with my partner, he'll have enough to worry about before worrying about caring for me!

I feel so pathetic