feeling cheated

Post Reply New Topic

When I first ran thru an AS symptom checklist, I thought I saw similarities. When I took a small self test I found myself in the middle of the range for an AS diagnosis.
Then I started reading things from other aspies and a lot of things finally made sense...I was moved to tears to know that someplace someone else felt just as strange in public as I did, someone else felt like a genius trapped in an idiots body.
Now? I am feeling really cheated that one of the dozens of counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors I have seen over the years didn't se it as plainly as I do now. Its infuriating that I suffered through countless doses of medications and group addiction sessions because I didn't diagnose sooner.
What is the next step? Do I suggest this to a doctor?

Yes. Ask for an evaluation. Self-diagnosis means little, if anything, unless confirmed by a trained mental-health professional.

Jimmernmi, you are not alone. AS was not even widely diagnosed until about 10 years ago. (Please correct me if I am wrong). I am older and I have also seen many therapists. As a child they called me an introvert. But then my parents death when I was 15 left me stranded in a hostile world sleeping in bulkheads and stranded cars. The numbness I felt actually became a strength. It has many times over the years. I developed a logical thinking that most women don't. I have always been different this way. I have developed abilities that men would envy. But the toll it has taken in relationships and lack of friendships was great. My children never felt it however. I was a single mother of three from the time they were 6, 7 +11 until they were grown. I learned what to do and how to treat them from reading books. I raised them differently because it didn't seem logical to hide how hard life was from them. To make them feel guilty about having sexual feelings just seemed wrong to me. Two are now nurses (nurturers) and an artist. If I had known I had aspergers, I might have been a better mother, maybe even a better person. But I had to read books on etiquette and ADHD as my children have this too. Now that I have explained it to them, they are all coming to me with "Aha's" or "everything makes sense now".

We can't change the past, but you have more than ten years on me and have longer to work on these things. You can still be a father, a husband and a friend. You have time to learn and grow. Fortunately my "logic" of telling my kids every day that I love them, made all the difference. mY emulation of traits in people that I admired worked wonders. Only now that they are grown have I been not only able to find out who I am, but has helped me to feel free to BE myself.

Doctor's still don't know much about treatments. But people know how to be tolerant. Just be yourself and learn what it means to be aspie, it's not a curse. This forum has already been a HUGE help to me just reading it. Try the forum on the "rules" of being an aspie. It really helps.

that depends weather you are a moron or not. or did you mean from a legal standpoint?

I personally feel like a genius trapped in a genius's body trapped in a world full of idiots.

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php if this quiz says at the end, "you're probably an aspie" then you should proceed with a diagnosis. I can't tell you how to proceed with that unless you are in my country.

By "genius in an idiots body" I mean that I have always tested at or near the top in education and standardized tsts, yet failed to make much of myself. It always leaves people asking 'why" or 'you are the smartest person I know, what happened?" when they question why I have not "lived up to my potential". It's the exact words I used the last time I ended up in the hospital's mental health ward. Sorry if i offended.
My current wife has been in the health care field all her adult life, recently finishing her paramedic licensing. She's skeptical of this diagnosis (why is the US so far behind in mental health issues?)
More later...got 4 kids to get moving!!

jimmernmi: This seems to be at the heart of the dilemma and/or mystery with (my) self diagnosis too.
Don't have an answer for you, as I am in a similar situation and wondering if there's any point in asking a doctor at all. I somehow distrust the medical system here in the U.S. If you get help please post about it?
For now, for myself anyway, I'm trying to focus on the good things in me - like being an artist - and staying as positive as possible. Not always do-able, but I'm less depressed in general.

I feel the same way - now that I know what I have, I can, at least, take a step back from how I father my children and say "I should probably attempt to do some of those other 'fatherly' things that I have no desire too, if only for the children." I know I'll never be that guy who coaches the soccer team, teaches my sons how to hunt and fish, and I am certainly no physical role model for them. However, I can teach them to think logically and critically, and help them overcome the downfalls of a 'normal' upbringing. I guess, in a way, it is no different from how I was with them at this point two years ago, except that I know my failings now, so I might be able to compensate a bit better.

I have been looking into a real diagnosis instead of just recognizing that I fit almost every mark on the checklist, but something they don't tell you is that most of these mental health professionals think you have some sort of agenda when you go into see them. I saw one psychiatrist that thought I was making this up to get pills, and asked "So, did you see this on TV and decide that it'd be neat to have Aspergers? I see a lot of you people, and it's always the same story." So, feel cheated by not having the diagnosis yet, but prepare to face at least some of this when trying to get support as well. I am still looking for someone who isn't going to treat me like a pill seeker or headcase because I think that I fit the symptoms of a condition.

Being male, you might have a pretty good chance of being DXd with AS as an adult. I have tried & tried to get a proper DX myself, but have never been successful. My biggest problem is that I'm female & most professionals just don't recognize most women with symptoms as being on the spectrum. I definitely feel cheated too. It's the only name (Aspergers) I have to go with my oddities & long term behaviors that otherwise have been noticed but cannot be explained. I feel that if I don't go in & hand-flap, crack my jaw, rock, look everywhere but in the direction of the professional, even if I perserverate, I just can't get anyone to take me seriously. I have had issues since I was a young kid, & just saying that I am basically messed from years of child abuse/bullying is just too simple an explanation. I'm almost 50...still can't get the assistance I really need & desire.

I'm afraid of something like that happening to me too. Sitting here reading it I can look it at more logically and say "what the hell is he smoking? There aren't any pills for Asperger's to begin with!" But right there on the spot, it's really hard to deal with someone who's basically demanding that you justify yourself right there on the spot.

The right answer, which again I can come up with because there's no one putting me on the spot and because I have some time to think about it is "yes, it would be really need to have an explanation for why everyone else seems to think all kinds of difficult things should be a no-brainer for me and why they seem to think having trouble with it means that I'm lazy and don't give a damn. It would be really need for me to have a reason other than 'lazy and wants attention' for being weird and missing things and forgetting things and always being pulled into 'paralysis by analysis'... it's not that I'm lazy, it's that simple things really are confusing and there's an actual reason! Yes, dammit, that would be really f*****g neat! Now how about you shut up and stop ragging on me and give me the damn test so you can prove me wrong and get me out of your hair?"

Yeah, I really really wish I could come up with stuff like that on the spot.