How to say the correct things around NT's?

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I think aspergers people have hard time being around strangers. It definitely makes them feel uncomfortable. A lot of times we may accidentally say the wrong thing to inadvertently hurt their feelings, which makes the NT's not want to talk to us anymore since they don't realize that we think different. A lot of times when I tell the truth to my friends, they don't like it and will want to stay away from me or not talk to me as a result.

How does one control oneself to behave and talk in a more NT way so that aspies can succeed in the workplace as well as with other social relationships?

Last edited by ormond86 on 30 Jul 2011, 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

At the risk of sounding flippant, they ask themselves this question , many times . They don't know, or are at least uncertain of what they are talking about most of the time. They are better at giving the impression they do, some of the time.

What exactly do you mean? Can you elaborate on that please?

People with asperger's will never be able to relate to neurotypical people and vice-a-versa. One thing which might be helpful is to make a list of things you've said that offended others and study that list.

That list could run for hundreds of pages since Aspies make countless faux pas. Is there a simpler solution to this conundrum such as training your mind to stop and think before responding or being more mindful about saying things or is that too much to ask of an aspie's brain?

It all comes back to the old Empathy and Theory of Mind issues - you can't correctly socially interact with people whose thought processes are alien to you. There will always be miscommunication because even though you may be speaking the same language, your interpretations of the nuances of that language are slightly different - add to that the fact that they are engaged in a constant subtext of nonverbal communication of which you are largely unaware. Misunderstandings and faux pas are inevitable. In most cases, the best you can do is to remain silent, speak only when spoken to and keep your responses brief and to the point.

Or develop a thick skin, speak your mind and let consequences be damned.

You're right, it could, but you could use it as a useful guide, which will help you see the big picture...

That is excellent advice...

Yeah, it's tough to remain silent and have that kind of self control all the time. I am an extroverted person and have many opinions and blurbing these out always gets me into trouble since I do not say it in the correct way or it does not come out in a non threatening, pleasing way to an NT... in a way full of tact.

It is easy in thought, but hard in practice since we are only human and we do and say things without thinking about them most of the time.

Speaking your mind does not help as far as keeping a job or staying in a job since the employer will fire you if you speak your mind. I cannot really use that kind of advice since I have a child and have bills and rent to pay. If I had no job, I would not have a place to live and would lose my child as well.

It would not help me move up the job ladder as well and improve my career.

I'll share one thing that I helped me. But this only helped with certain topics of conversation. I used to tell personal things about myself, or asking highly personal questions of people I hardly knew. This always spelled disaster, since I couldn't figure out exactly what I was supposed to talk about. So, I worked out a system of "currency" for topics.

One penny topics: I would only mention things worth a penny, such as the weather, or a compliment and a question about the item complimented. For example, "The weather is really hot! Don't you think so?" or, "That blouse is a beautiful shade of blue. Where did you get it?"
The higher currency topics could go anywhere from a nickel to a quarter. This means I know the person a little better, so I can ask after family members or about the status of something that they mentioned working on.
For example: "How is your aunt doing? Did the surgery go alright?" Or, How is that photography project coming along?"

The one dollar topics are personal things that you would tell a friend; like admitting you are depressed, or something.

I have always believed in speaking my mind. I am reconsidering this after a person I trusted retaliated over a period of a couple of years and hurt me very very badly then gloated and reminded me of my faux pas (yes, two years later). Vengeful b******s.,.. be careful, this is an NTs world.

I don't say much around people and I wait until they know me better. Then I speak my mind. Usually they know me better so they don't get mad at what I say.

Also I read things at Babycenter and I sure learn a lot there. I look at what offends people and remember saying that may offend the person I am talking to.

Also I learned to not ask questions to people about themselves because nothing is ever my business.

What about psychotherapy? Would that help with controlling one's mind so that one can get along with Neurotypicals?

^this
Individuals with Asperger's really need to mind their own business... That's especially important if ormond86 is concerned about getting along with neurotypicals.

But why is it okay for NTs to ask people about themselves? Work interviews are different but I mean in general. In that case when people ask me things about myself, I ask them things back about themselves thinking it's okay. If it's not my business then why did they ask me questions about myself? That is what I would tell them if they decide to tell me none of my business or start ignoring my questions. I'll just ignore them back.

I swear there must be some social rule about asking people questions about themselves because they seem to know when it's okay to do it and what questions to ask and what not to ask. Of course I don't go up to strangers and ask them what they are buying or what they are doing with their day. That be so awkward. Same as walking up to a mother and asking if she is breast feeding or not or why she decided on bottle feeding.

^that has always bothered me. most people know where to start and where to end when it comes to other person's buisness. i don't. i'll tell them everything they don't want to know about <whoever>, or myself for that matter.

BS. i can relate just fine. when i'm drunk