advice please on coping with an NT trait that drives me mad

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When I remember something I cannot forget it, ever, even if I wanted to.
It makes me very difficult with people who forget things - because I immediately believe the person is taking the p***, or being deliberately awkward with me. Or that they don't care about the thing I was talking about.

I know I am in the wrong here, but I have this gut reaction. And I get myself in trouble for it.

I would love some advice on how to deal with this - just some general advice on coping with people that do things that seem bizarre and inexplicable to the other person.......I'd even welcome advice from NT's who have good strategies for coping with bizarre aspie traits too - perhaps I can reuse the philosophy!

I have a very good memory, too. And I think the fact that I'm an amateur writer even further develops my memory skills.

I will try and think of some things that sometimes work for me.

a poet wrote something like ' . . . we like to think everything will be remembered and everything will be resolved. The truth is, at the end of the world, nothing will be remembered and nothing will be resolved . . . "

At age 14 and 15, I was an evangelic Christian. I even took my Bible to high school and put a religious sticker on my notebooks to "witness." I went through a religious crisis and became an atheist. I am now comfortably atheist/agnostic. Even ave a pretty good sense of humor about religion.

I do tend to be a spiritual person in that if someone wrongs me, I very much want to go to them, have a real conversation, let them know how they have hurt me, and accept whatever apology they are ready to make. And yes, I can be resentful and hold a grudge when someone is not willing to do what they should. Well, a lot of times, for whatever reason they can't or they won't.

And also, my newer approach of medium step, feedback, another medium step. Well, this reconciliation all at once, that does not exactly count as medium step. That is investing way too much at the beginning

Last two workplaces have been lousy, esp crapola department store. Bullying and lying against me by commission sales person, and stupid, noncaring, disengaged manager. The guy might not want to admit he did something this low down. My rules of acknowledgement and reconciliation. Well, that's one upsmanship. Why would he want to follow my rules? Plus, the guy might have a bad marriage, treat his wife in an abusive manner, mistreat his children, use cocaine whatever, and the fact that he treats someone shabbily at work hardly makes a blip on the radar screen.

So, the guy's bad news to be generally avoided. Or accept the here and now, and if he's acting decent maybe a limited interaction for this particular day.

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As a poker player, a lot of this is just luck. Yes, a person can have a couple of hands in a row he or she plays well but still loses. (I recommend poker for social skills, but not as attempt to make money, precisely because of these inevitable upswings and downswings, and because winning $400 for the week doesn't help me as much as losing $400 hurts me.)

I know you asked about memory. And I went down this particular rabbit hole. Hope this is somewhat helpful.

And, welcome to Wrong Planet!

Smoke pot regularly and develop some memory failings, then you will be like those of us who are inconsistent in the memory department and become more tolerant, or at least in the short term you may just be a little more chilled out...

peace j

Learning to cut people some slack has helped me in all kinds of ways. People can have a hard time paying attention, but don't want to admit it or don't notice it. It just happens, and you'll do yourself no good thinking that it's about you.

My roommate (Aspie) can remember everything he reads and hears that is NOT personally connected to him (eg: wikipedia articles, news, movies, history, politics, etc) but can't remember to brush his teeth, pay bills, get to appointments, or buy his mom a mother's day card. He loses things all the time, forgets what day/time it is, forgets promises he made, etc.

I, on the other hand, can't remember most of what I consider "trivia" (book knowledge) but I keep my personal and logistical life completely in order- remembering everyone's birthdays, conversations and feelings from the past, appointments, bill paying, etc.

Of course, I wish I had a photographic memory for details like my Aspie does. Maybe I just smoked too much pot in high school/college. However, if I had to choose, I would prefer to remember everything related to my REAL life than everything that is just facts/figures disconnected from myself.

I think you need to chill on your peeps. Perhaps their brain is full in other ways yours isn't.

Can go with that remember obscure facts but remember to do everyday stuff.

However the plus side of it that it makes you good at pub quizzes and has won me(and my wife) many bottles of wine over the years!

I find sometimes that retreating into arrogance helps. If I see the people around me in the same light as I see myself, then I get angry. I get irritated with things that other people consider normal. When I see people putting importance on unimportant things or not understanding concepts that seem simple to me, it just drives me nuts. The only way I've found to deal with it and chill out is to just feel bad for them. It might sound unkind, but it helps to just look around and think, "I'm surrounded by idiots, and it's really not their fault." Remember that you are special and the people around you are just not. Thinking this way helps me to increase my patience with people sometimes, though it doesn't win me any points for humility.

I also forget to do everyday stuff. I think it is the way my AS mind works.

I can think about doing something and become distracted, possibly by another one of my own thoughts. I may not then forget to do the thing I first thought about. I often think that I have already done whatever it was I thought abut doing. (Sorry not explained well.)

I also do this when speaking. I can convince myself that I have said something that I only thought about saying, but was distracted before I said it.

I try to remember that when people are upset, information is lost. For me, I remember verbal information and lose emotional information - my ADD partner remembers emotional information and loses verbal information. They are both information and one is not better than another, but it's hard because I remember emotional information verbally, so if he (extrapolating from the emotional information) uses different words, it feels like he's changing what happened. I try to remember that he's doing his best to communicate, as am I, and neither of us are perfect at it. He tries to remember too, because it has to go both ways or it wouldn't work.

I consider people in general to be stupid. The only way I got over it was to learn to forgive people for their stupidity before they even uttered a word. It sounds arrogant, but really its a coping mechanism for me. Of course I never explain this to those same people.
good luck.

I consider people in general to be stupid. The only way I got over it was to learn to forgive people for their stupidity before they even uttered a word. It sounds arrogant, but really its a coping mechanism for me. Of course I never explain this to those same people.
good luck.

I dunno. For me, it's my long-term memory that's pretty good (though there are some gaps, the stuff I remember is usually pretty vivid). I can understand people not remembering stuff, but sometimes it's like "You DON'T remember that? REALLY?"