Children from partnerships between between two Aspies

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Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I posted here last. I've grown up a lot since then...

Anyway, I've been diagnosed with "mild" Asperger's and I suspect the girl who I think I might propose to has it as well, possibly a little bit further along the spectrum. It's harder to diagnose with women, but she likes very much to have a routine and is a no BS type of person for example.

I'd like to have a child or two and she does as well, but I'm concerned about what I've read regarding children from an Aspie/Aspie relationship. There's a chance children can have severe Autism. I'd be fine with a child who has Asperger's, even if it's further along the spectrum than me, but I've seen how disabling Autism can be. I don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world if they could be severely handicapped and unable to have a good quality of life. What chance is there of this occurring? 25%? 75? I want to know as much as I can about Asperger's genetic component and heritability and would really appreciate any help people here can give. It's hard to get good and current info online. If what you've got is not for the layman like links to journal articles, please post it anyway. I've studied some genetics at uni and should be able to get the gist of it.

Cheers.

PS. Sorry if this isn't the right sub forum for me to have posted this in.

I don't know of any studies or have information about the genetics and I'd be surprised if any one does, given how new our understanding of all this is. But, I am late life diagnosed and after I figured out myself I can see that both my parents are AS as well, especially my mom. I mean this explaination makes my whole family make sense. I have two siblings, one of them has a different father. We are all oddballs but no one came out with severe autism. My sister has four children and one of them is a little AS but also no severe autism. I managed to stagger through life without even knowing what it was about me making things so hard. I am not "successful" except that I have survived and now have information I need to make the most of the rest of my life. I have to wonder how much more I might have done if I had known from the start what my condition was.

As far as being worried about having a more autistic child, have you seen the Temple Grandin movie or heard her speak about autism? She was a Kranner autistic, couldn't talk or interact at all as a small child but her mom had faith and worked and worked with her and now she is a prominent scientist in agriculture and revolutionized the meat processing industry. All to say, people with more severe autism are not hopeless, they just need special attention to thrive and then might turn out to do something wonderful for the world.

Good luck to you and your new relationship and all the little Autists you bring into this world!

Sorry, no links to share, but I have a child with another aspie, my ex husband at this point. She is an aspie too, highly intelligent, holds a job for the most part, I have total confidence she will be fine indeed.
If you want children, you must be aware ahead of time that it is always a role of the dice.
Best of luck.
I like your avatar pic - hadn't thought of Q for quite some time.
Just wanted to add that my aspie just about drove me nuts when she was a baby as she cried - sometimes for hours - at night before falling asleep. She was well fed, warm, dressed comfortable, breast fed, etc., but she still had major trouble falling asleep. I ended up sick with my immune system ruined because of lack of sleep!
And now, she is grown, and still is a total night - owl type person.

I'm sure when I was diagnosed (June) they said I could have a genetic test with my GP to find out if I might pass on Aspergers. My husband is NT though. The psychologist seemed to think it wouldn't necessarily be passed on. She said it could be typical to have say one child with AS, another with ADHD i.e. not just automatically have AS in every single child. I believe my cousins are AS (had mutism), ADHD and an eating disorder (sometimes girls with AS express it as an eating disorder). The question is if it is an issue. Given my level of AS I think I'd just like to leave it to chance. If I am aware of it I can look out for early signs and provide support, also there is more awareness than when I was little. I'm not sure about 2 parents with AS though.

If you think of famous people with AS or suspected AS some people get on fine with it e.g. people think Bill Gates has it.

Finally it may be down to how you cope, you may be more prone to stress if you have AS and having an AS child on top of that may cause added stress and you may prefer not to give yourself this stress.

Incidentally the psychologist told me that in her opinion there was no mild Aspergers when used the phrase. Either you had it or you didn't and she could see shared issues between people at different points on the spectrum. Before my diagnosis people thought I was a bit borderline and pass as NT so I did think of myself as "mild." I'm coming to see myself as just having Aspergers and that not being such a terrible thing.

The other thing, is are you sure about your girlfriend? It may not be an issue if she is not. You probably are as you know her well. I was just wondering do you have a recent diagnosis- I've started looking for AS traits in everyone as I'm really aware of it.

Good luck anyhow, post if you find any details about the genetics.

I don't think that there are any data on the subject. However, there is no reason to believe that a child born from two AS parents would be likely to have *severe* (I take it you mean low-functioning) autism. I have AS/ADHD and my husband has ADHD, and all three of our kids have ADHD, but only one has AS. None of my kids has LFA. My daughter who has AS is actually less severely impaired by it than I am.

~Kate

I only have anecdotal advice - I am Aspie (diagnosed, though didn't know when I had the children) and so is my ex (not diagnosed but very typical)... he also has a lot of AS in males on his side of the family, both diagnosed and not. Based on ex's older son from his first marriage (i.e. my children's half-brother) having fairly severe AS, we were told there was an increased chance of our son having it too. The only number I can remember now is 5% but I'm not sure if it was a 5% increase or a 5% chance all up. A genetic counsellor might be good for this kind of thing.

Both our kids are NT.

No formal evidence to cite for you, but I am a newly diagnosed HFA and my husband is an Aspie. We have two kids, a boy age 3 and a girl 18 months. Our son has atypical autism, with HUGE sensory processing issues. Most people can't tell he is autistic when we're out in public (unless he gets overwhelmed and melts down). He was a great baby, but things have got more difficult for him as he's grown older and more social interaction is expected.

Our daughter is probably going to end up diagnosed with Asperger's. She does not have language delays like our son, but is a real stickler for rules and hates cuddling. Both our kids have been fairly difficult (LOTS of tantrums, screaming throwing, hitting, etc) and we've had to really put ourselves aside as much as possible to give them every chance to develop to their potential.

All kids are hard work, but kids on the spectrum are definitely not for the faint of heart. If you're up for the challenge, it will be the best thing you've ever done, I promise. Having kids will probably also help to rid you of control/rule following issues as they have done for us, since they're out of control a lot of the time!! ! good luck with your decision

Well, I've read that ASDs have about an 80% heritability rate, meaning I think that if one parent has an ASD there is an 80% chance that any given child will have one as well.

Makes sense when you look at my maternal grandfather, my dad, and me. One of my grandfather's two daughters got it, the other one married an Aspie. I think both my aunt's kids are on the spectrum although I don't know them that well. My mom and dad had one kid. I've got it.

But then you get into my kids. They are awfully little for me to be making diagnoses. My oldest is 10; she's completely NT (poor thing). My younger two are 4 and 2; if either of them have it they are very high functioning (even choose to play with other kids when they have the option, one thing I almost never did). I knew I was weird by the time I was 4. If each one has an 80% chance of being on the spectrum, and I'm hypervigilant (which I am), you'd think I'd be seeing something by now.

So I think that information, like a great deal of what the experts say about ASDs, is probably flawed.

I agree with what another poster said-- any time you have kids, you roll the dice. AS, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, debilitating heart defects, severe retardation-- anything can happen even if your gene pool is crystal-clear on the surface.

You know the difference between Kanner's and Asperger's, right?? Asperger was trying to save his patients from the Nazi eugenics program, and Kanner was very probably a eugenecist. A lot of it is attitude. What you put into the autistic child in question. Is it harder with some than with others?? You betcha. But a lot of experts have a really bad attitude toward people on the low-functioning end of the spectrum, and that oughtn't to be.

I could have no empathy whatever and be a really arrogant sucker-- but I was raised by a grandmother who taught me to care for others always and a father who taught me that I needed to be patient and respectful with people who were not as good in school as I, because I was lucky to be academically inclined but had to remember that school smarts weren't the only kind of smarts in the world.

I could be nonverbal right now, but for a husband and a three good friends who encouraged me to keep trying to talk after everything went wrong. I could be living in an institution but for a husband who kept telling me that I used to be functional and would be again if I would just pull my head out of my ass and stop letting people tell me who I am.

Sorry I haven't added anything until now. I probably should have said very low functioning instead of "severe". I know that Autism and even Asperger's are talked about like they're a disease in the U.S. which makes me angry as it rightfully does people here. I'm From Australia by the way, and while things seem to be getting worse here, it's not quite to that point yet.

It seems like there is very little real scientific research going on in this area right now, which is disappointing. My own personal hypothesis is that Autism and Asperger's are a part of human evolution, a mutation (but it would really be more complicated than just a single gene). As with everything, it will either be successful and take a foothold or it won't and eventually dissapear, human interventions like eugenics aside. The trouble is, I don't have any verifiable evidence to support my ideas, only anecdotal arguments.

As for kids, I see where people are coming from about the genetic dice, but having two parents with Asperger's seems to skew the likelihood towards LF Autism. I don't think it would be fair to being a LF autistic into the world as it is today. In some ways it reminds of being gay in the 1950's, minus the bashings and murders. I feel like I have to hide my Asperger's as best I can with people I don't know very well.

What I want to find out is how badly skewed the dice are. I'll keep hunting around.

It's interesting to see parents saying they are on the autistic spectrum or not and if their kids are. Has anyone here thought about doing a survey on it?

Weighing in on this: It's worth it to ask a lot of questions about your girlfriend's behavior as a child. Going into family planning with a lot of information is important.

My husband and I are both Aspies (he is undiagnosed, I am beginning diagnostic process) and have different sensory and social issues. Our oldest daughter got every problem that ran in the family, poor thing. As a baby she developed severe allergies to all foods I breastfed her, so she went on prescription Neocate. Asthma, horrible acid reflux, and sensory problems that started *before* she was born. She was recently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, Asperger's, and dyspraxia, at age 5. As an infant, she also had torticollis and needed speech therapy for feeding. I had autoimmune disease at the time, so it's hard to say what was genetic and what was caused by my immune system or random chance. She is brilliant, probably a genius.

*However,* my younger daughter, who is now 3, seems almost normal, with only a few quirks that could be Aspergers or ADD. She loves people, isn't so good with personal space boundaries, and does have some weird ways of communicating. She is a ray of sunshine with occasional cloudy tantrums, whereas my oldest spent hours a day screaming and hurting people before she started therapy.

I think things would have turned out differently if I had known that my husband and I had Aspergers before this year. I would have loaded up on autism books instead of wondering why the normal parenting techniques did not help. We could have avoided the sensory problems getting so severe and avoided the horrible hunger strikes. I would have gone to early intervention early instead of trying to deal with the school system. So plan ahead, learn as much as you can, save lots of money for medical bills, and hope to be pleasantly surprised.