There are times where I feel like I really wasn't meant to be born into my biological family. Or maybe things have changed so drastically in the last few years that it just feels that way. I don't know, I just feel like my life has become so different from theirs.I don't know, maybe I've become more and more defensive around them. I've just lost most of my patient and respect for my family. Since my parents divorced in August 2006, relations between my sisters, me, and my dad have become acrimonious. Originally when the my sisters, my dad, and I reunited, they fought my dad like cats and dogs. Then, after a few months, things gradually settled down between my dad and my sisters. They re-enrolled in high school, got boyfriends, and became social gadflys. I was about 18 at the time, and I enrolled in a community college and worked towards getting an associate's degree, which I received in 2009. I moved with the family from Montana to Idaho to attend a 4-year college. The sisters, whom had either graduated from high school (or in the case of the youngest, got a GED) enrolled in for-profit colleges while I enrolled in the local University. The youngest one became romantically involved with a childhood friend of hers. The marriage was short and tempetsuous, and she became pregnant during the winter of 2009-2010. She ended up divorcing her husband (shortly thereafter, he was arrested for selling psychidelic mushrooms and is currently in prison). In August of 2010, she gave birth to a son. Since he was born, I have been virtually pushed into taking care of him during the days. I love him and his smile, but it becomes exhausting watching him all day and having to deal with his crawling, climbing and walking everywhere. I probably get more rough with him than I should. I just don't have the knowledge to deal with him as well as I should. She simply does not have the patience to watch him all day, and gets mad if he wakes up at night. My dad is getting into his early 70s and his health status is very uncertain.
Anyhoo, I went way off topic to provide some background on my situation. I just feel so weird sometimes, and everybody else seems to be normal. I just don't feel like I get along with my sisters and I am feeling growing hostility towards them. I don't have any romantic partners because I am too busy and I am looking at my own gender. In contrast, they have had several long-term boyfriends. I am pretty much the family leftist and atheist, whereas they are relatively conservative and lean somewhat towards Evangelical Christianity. Of course, my aunt is the archetypal "bible thumper" and has harrassed me over my implicit (I don't really talk about religion with her, but she sure as hell brings it up a lot) lack of faith.
Both of my sisters seem to have some sort of a female supremacy complex. They just seem to think men are scum. Well to be more accurate, the younger sister seems to hold this view more. A lot of her boyfriends looked like gangsters and/or popular jock-type guys. Because a lot of these relationships did not last for very long and the men were not the nicest people to acquaint with, she assumes that all men are this way. Of course, my close relationship with my dad has contributed to this feeling with her that I am somehow a devil going against her. She doesn't seem to like me all that much. Her and I have never really talked much, and she and my other sister have a very close relationship with each other. It would almost seem like they were lesbians if they didn't have boyfriends. I have odd habits and my interests are either nerdy or eccentric (read later) whereas she is more in line with the cultural mainstream. She even called me a "smelly anime nerd" to my other sister after an argument.
I am a lot quieter and a lot more reserved than either of them. I enjoy going to my local anime club once a week, whereas they tend to have church groups, soccer practice, concerts, and the like. I don't listen to the same music as my sisters (which for them is usually rap and pop), watch the same TV shows (they watch a lot of action and chick flicks, while I enjoy science fiction movies, documentaries, and other things they consider boring. In fact, I consider the Cosmos series by Carl Sagan my favourite tv programme of all time.) I watch CSPAN, PBS, science programming, and other strange stuff on a daily basis. (I really "weird" music, like music from Vangelis, obscure Japanese classical composers, national anthems, Communist military music, movie and documentary sound tracks, and sometimes the sounds of planets). I don't own an Ipod or MP3 player, so I get most of my music off of Youtube.
It seems the older and older I get, the more my interests move away from my youthful obsessions with anime and rock music, and they are moving more towards science fiction and classical music. In the meantime, I feel ever more irrelevant.
Well, I would type more, but it is late and I am suffering from writer's block.
29 Jul 2011, 1:34 am
