Hell is Other People

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I have to say that I get very frustrated when other people think my AS guy isn't a very good person
because he says something socially/politically/ideologically inappropriate at a party.

Anyone with ideas about how to handle that sort of situation? I'm stumped, because these are close friends of close friends and I would really love to know what to do.

You could try saying something to the effect of this: "Judge not. I for one quite appreciate having a feller who's honest."

Thank you =)

*I* know that, but without giving too much away (it's not my place to tell them about his AS) it's hard to explain to them.

Sometimes words like "honesty", if applicable, can convey enough information without getting into the neurology of it.

Ask your fella if you CAN give away the game, so to speak. Things ought to become much easier, depending on what type of people they are.

I'd be tempted to tell them to get stuffed. But long term, you might want to set up a private signal for your honest chap to let him know when he's gone too far. That way you can attempt to make a joke out of anything that went a bit wrong.

I like the idea of being thought of as honest. Even now I still find it very hard to lie to people, though I've grown quite good at telling the truth in a way that other people misinterpret.

Easier: "At least he's honest!"

Not sure of the best way to say this, but when people are judgmental of me toward my wife, or toward me of her, IMHO, they are judging both of us.

When people judge him, they are judging you because you choose to be with him. If you can figure out a way to get that point across to them without being offensive, I'm sure they'll overlook a hell of a lot more than they now do.

You could tell them " We both have violent allergies to PC sugar coating." Honestly, people who get all bent out of shape because someone's opinions are different than theirs don't deserve too much consideration anyway, and if these people are masquerading as friends, they're not, and if they're not, screw what they think.

I agree with the posters talking about honesty. It's the judgemental people who are the problem, not your guy

Quote that. Verbatim.

AS is considered a disorder. But it's the societal code that's pathological if you ask me.

Of course, I have a disorder. So my opinion doesn't count.

**must import upside-down smiley**

I don't know why you would want to protect a friendship with people who value political correctness over honesty.

They are the worst kind of people.

I've had times when I have said something that I stood by, sometimes to the point that I had to defend what I said. I didn't care if the other person was offended. Those people may think I'm a mean person, and that's fine by me. I could choose to do this all the time, but I risk alienating people that I would prefer to remain as friends, so I don't behave this way all the time. I had to learn the difference between tact and honesty.

I've had other times when I have said something that offended someone, and I personally felt bad because it was not my intention to offend them. My willingness to apologize and/or make amends should alleviate them thinking I'm a mean person because I was thoughtless about my words, but it's up to them to decide to exonerate me. It's on me to fix it and make it better and learn from my mistake, or choose to defend what I said as mentioned above and live with how the other person views me.

That second paragraph, though, used to be pretty tough for me. I actually had to ask someone else how to handle the situation after the person got upset, and I was told to apologize. This was something that I had to explicitly learn. (Mind you, I was able to at least tell when the other person was offended in the first place - I just didn't know how to handle it.) Your man may not be aware of when he is offending someone, he may or may not care that he has offended someone or that he is coming off as mean, and if he does care, he may not know how to handle the situation. I suggest you find out from him how he would like you to be involved.