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I have a grandmother who I used to be closer with growing up. I had since moved away to another state and I have noticed that whenever I have tried to talk to grammy it's usually one sided. Although I have left messages for her and even sent her cards, she never seems to return phone calls. She also never seems to call me although she sent me one nice a card a while back. When I talk on the phone, I really feel like the conversation doesn't go anywhere.

Anyway, I don't talk to my parents or my sisters right now for several reasons. One of my sisters contacted me fairly recently and mentioned out of the blue that my grandmother had to put her cat down and wanted me to call her. My sister knows I am obsessed with cats and I loved my grandmother's last one. At the same time, I really feel that she did it in a patronizing manner as if I can't have sympathy for anything other than cats. She never contacted me about my dad having health problems and how I needed to pray for that.

From my stand point, I really don't feel like calling my grandmother. Rather, I would feel better sending her a sympathy card.
I need your opinion about this because this is extremely awkward.

I think you should call her. If it doesn't work out, at least you can say you made the effort. Especially considering that you are not talking to your parents or sisters at the moment, it would be good to have a friendly relationship with at least one family member. Even if she was a little patronizing, the fact that she asked to you call shows that she does want a relationship with you.

About the communication being one-sided, it might help if you give her the benefit of the doubt and consider that she might have difficulty with relationships and phone conversations, too. Of course, I don't know anything about your grandmother's personality so I could be completely wrong, but this has helped me in my relationship with my own parents. I know that autistic traits are often genetic and that my father's personality is quite similar to mine. So, rather than blaming him for being closed-off and over-sensitive, I try to remember he probably struggles with relationships and communication just as much as I do.

When I was younger, I used to be compared to grammy a lot. I have one friendly relationship already and that is with an aunt at the moment. I feel the most comfortable with her.

My guess is that your grandmother has taken sides and you are on the wrong side.
Sometimes that happens with families and there isn't much you can do about it.
I was going through my own thoughts yesterday and today about my own Paternal Grandmother.
My grandma Kate was a mean old woman who lived to be 3 days away from being 99 years old.
Kate's mom died when she was just 4 years old and she was raised by her brother who was mentally ill.
At one point he lined up the whole family, held a pistol to their heads and told them if they did not do exactly as he told them to do - he was going to blow their brains out.
she often talked about how he told her and her sisters that if they ventured up into the orchard - which was the only place with trees and was a place where young folks went to get away from their parents and make out - that he would break their legs.

My grandmother Kate was extremely cruel to my father, which is one reason why he was so mean to me.
Everything he knew about parenting he learned from his mother.

Well to fast forward, I was making supper tonight ( stuffed peppers ) and it brought back memories of my grandmother and how she would tell me that at suppertime I had to sit in another room or she would make me a piece of bread with butter on it - because she only made enough food for herself and her company - my uncle and his kids.
I was unwelcome at her supper table.

Since that day, I always make more then enough at every meal, to the point of where if someone was to knock on my door, I could sit them down and they could eat with me.

No one ever does it - but it is always there if they did.

The other thing was - we were not allowed to go in her upstairs bedrooms, not even allowed to play on the steps and the living-room was kept for company only - no one was allowed to even sit on her couch unless they were company...
The room resembled a funeral parlor - with all the curtains drawn and little light in the room.

So I went to Walmart today and I bought some venetian blinds and put them up and got rid of all the curtains.
The place seems so different with all the light in the room now.

Sometimes you just have to break the chain and the cycle and do things different then what your family did - especially if what they did was wrong.
Don't let them bum you out - act like it does not bother you and just let them do what they want.
Find things to occupy your time and don't worry about their feelings because it is obvious that they do not care about yours!

My grandmother was never that abusive but she was harsh to my sister. In fact, the one who instructed me to call her held a grudge with her for a very long time. Regarding the cat situation, I, like Looney Tunes suggested, breaking away. I just don't feel like sitting there and taking the bate then be hooked onto another family scandal. I grew up in an abusive home with a lot of bullying but no oppression like you described with dinner. However, I did get oppressed by other family members who lived three miles away from a house I was sharing and renting with two older roommates in fear of me making a scene in front of their children. However, my grandmother really didn't seem to take much of an interest in my sisters and I when I grew up. For instance, she took little interest in taking any school photos of my sisters and I. Rather, she seemed more interested in my step grandfather and his family which included my step cousins and my step aunts and uncles. While I got on great with grammy, I never really felt like there was a strong connection.