Just beginning my journey toward diagnosis

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Hello, this is my first post here, and I really appreciate finding this site.

I've suspected for years that I have AS / HFA, but only this past year has it become such an issue in my life that I'm finally taking steps toward getting officially diagnosed.

My symptoms include:
- obsessive focus on a narrow range of topics
- social isolation, no friends, limited contact with family
- sensory overload - everything is too loud, too bright
- ADHD symptoms, easily distracted
- exceptional talent in academics, music, writing
- struggle to function in school & work, despite high intelligence
- consistently score in 'Aspie' range with online tests
- have always been told I walk strangely
- have never understood fashion; challenged by basic hygiene
- female but very asexual / tomboyish
- can't relate to 'normal' people, I'm just too different
- always act polite and friendly, yet people don't seem to like me
- only want to talk about my narrow obsessive interests, don't care about anything else
- husband left me for being too 'Aspie'
- can't be around my family because I get overstimulated
- have no friends because I just don't connect with people well
- I pace a lot, back & forth across the room, for hours
- I pick at my skin and cannot seem to ever break the habit
- I prefer to dress in the same clothes all the time
- I prefer to eat the same foods every day
- I like to stick to routines
- I like things neat and organized, with nothing out of place
- I'm uncomfortable if there is a change to my routine
- I hate travel or doing anything different
- I have trouble guessing people's motives, so I tend to be distrustful of others
- I can look people in the eye but it's uncomfortable for me

Symptoms I don't have:
- I understand metaphors and humor just fine

Actually, I think that's the only 'classic' AS symptom that I really don't seem to have. I'm not sure if I would be ruled out for AS on that one symptom alone? Especially since all my other AS symptoms are so severe that they have affected my ability to function in school, work, and with my family, marriage, and friends, my entire life.

But that is what a professional diagnosis is for, and hopefully soon I will have a definitive answer! At this point I have contacted a counselor who specializes in AS and psychological testing, and I'm hoping to hear back from her soon. If I don't, I'm going to keep persisting, because I have a lifelong history of getting lost amidst the shuffle, and never receiving any help, and so this time I'm not going to give up!

Anyway I'm glad to have found this site, and hope to get to know some other people here!

Hi Kyra71! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the forums. This site is interesting and helpful. You are among friends here, and we may be related. I share almost all the traits you mention. Yes, you do fit on the spectrum.

Thank you! I'm really hoping to learn better strategies for interacting with people, and get rid of habits that only cause me to feel more alienated.

One thing that I'm just now discovering is that if I want to be understood, being completely honest about my feelings is actually the last thing I want to do! I have a bad habit of just spewing what I think and feel, uncensored, which is not received well by other people. So I need to censor myself a bit, and present things in a way that other people might be able to understand.

Little things like that... I hope to get better at in time!

Just wanted to post the latest news on my quest to get diagnosed... I heard back from the therapist I contacted, and she is willing to meet with me! She said that for adults, the complete battery of tests is not always necessary, and that a few visits with a skilled therapist should be sufficient to make the diagnosis.

Anyway I'm really grateful to have found her - she came recommended as being particularly knowledgeable about autism and Asperger's, as well as psychological testing, so I'm looking forward to finally getting this question answered for myself!

As I outlined in my first post - the only Aspie traits I really don't seem to have are that I can understand metaphors and humor just fine. So I have no idea why I don't quite fit the mold in that way - yet I do in every other way, to the extent that it has severely affected my ability to function throughout my life.

I'll update this thread again when I have more news... Probably after my first visit, which will hopefully be this week!

Sure, there can be some situations where it is more effective in getting what you want if you can take more care about how you are being received by others. But if I felt that that was how I ought to become or that such a way of behaving was the only way to be able to function effectively in the world over the long-run, I would react very strongly against it. I want to be able to express myself in a way that I feel I am being authentic as I fell this is part of who I am.

No, that doesn't disqualify you.

I get metaphors and humor and sarcasm and all that stuff. The only problem is, sometimes I have to TELL the stupid NTs that I'm using a metaphor!

Welcome aboard.

Welcome Kyra71!! !

We are glad that you found us
I can relate to your entire list. Here you will find people who will understand you better than anyone ever has. I will continue to follow your story as it develops.
May I inquire what your special interests are? Mine are every scientific discipline that exists. I love learning more than anything.
You are one of us. Welcome home.

slave

Thanks for the welcome comments - I really appreciate it!

I had my first visit with the therapist, and I was nervous about it, but she agreed that I do seem to have a lot of autism traits, and thinks she should be able to give me a definite answer after a few more sessions.

The first session was spent mostly going over my history, so I don't really feel like much was accomplished, but I guess these things take time... I'm just grateful to finally be getting a professional opinion on this!

My special interest is writing. Nothing professional, just Star Wars fan fiction, but my approach to it is definitely obsessive. I hyper-focus on that one thing, and it's difficult to tear myself away to do anything else.

In the past my obsessions have been other things; when I was younger it was classical music (I used to play oboe professionally) and then during a phase when I was severely depressed it was World of Warcraft. And in all cases, whatever I do, I do it obsessively, pretty much all day, every day. That's just how I seem to be wired!

Thanks again - I'll post another update after my next session

It's official! I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome today, along with Bipolar II. I'm grateful to finally know for sure, instead of forever wondering... Just wanted to post my update!

I'm glad that you have answers to your questions!

Now what?

Spam the WP forums, of course!

Thanks, it's awesome to have a place where it's okay to just be who I am, and not try to pretend to be something else!

LOL!

Thanks, it's awesome to have a place where it's okay to just be who I am, and not try to pretend to be something else![/quote] Yes, here we can be what we are!

I think what we are is good.