Noisy neighbors

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I live in a condo complex and I have a neighbor who lives directly across from me who is appears to be at the end of the relationship. Her partner does not live there and had been going over there at night to spend the night with her. However, they would just bring the worst out in each other and make a lot of noise. I heard her tell him not to come back last week after he knocked on the door.

This evening, she came out on her cell phone many times yelling as loud as can be since she seemed angry and hurt.

I know the owner who she is renting from since she used to be my old neighbor and I am tempted to call them and ask. I don't want to call the police either but I really feel that their yelling is disturbing the peace here for others.

There is no subtle way to get noisily angry folks to quiet down. Your old neighbor, the landlady has no way short of eviction to convince your new neighbor to behave. Your only viable options are call the police or not call the police & ignore it.

Okay thanks. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the write thing before I ever ended up proceeding.

I talked to a family member about the situation and they suggested getting together with the other neighbors who can hear her from above and below and letting her know what she is doing.

Then my family member said that if things keep up to call the other land-lady.

Around 11:00 tonight, she was shouting outside to her boyfriend who took off on her. Then I went to open the door to let my cat out and she was throwing a crying fit and you could hear her yelling at him on the phone. This was coming from inside her apartment with the door closed. Once I can understand but...night after night of this...

I don't know where you live,but in the U.K. there is this forum: http://www.nfh.org.uk/
(neighbours from hell)
If you are not in the U.K. you can still register with the forum I suppose. Maybe they have advice.

Good luck! I know what how horrible it is.

You're wondering why they yell at each other but mostly stay together.

What you're describing is a domestic problem. This happens a LOT. The reality is that, despite appearances, this is how both of them want it to be. Loud, angry, maybe even violent.

Don't get involved, don't try to fix the situation. It's not broken.

And don't try to protect your other neighbors. If it's too loud for them, they know how to complain and ask for quiet.

If you, and only you, dislike the noise and want it to stop... you have every right to feel that way, and every right to act on it.

Begin courteously, by simply knocking on your neighbor's door when the boyfriend isn't there and there hasn't been a recent fight (so that she's calm and collected). When she answers, simply introduce yourself as her neighbor, and honestly say that the yelling makes it difficult to sleep (or some other convenient explanation, it doesn't have to be precisely true), and can she please try to keep it down somewhat.

If she responds aggressively, just say "never mind" politely and disengage.

She'll probably respond courteously and apologize and promise to try to be quieter.

She probably won't succeed, but at least you now have a polite relationship where you can talk to her again if it continues. Same thing, wait until she's calm and collected and Mr. Drama isn't around, and say "hi, it's getting noisy again lately" or something.

I'd stay away from verbage like "are you okay?" since, again, you absolutely do not want to get involved in the drama which is her way of life.

If that still doesn't work, or if she got aggressive with you at any point, then you tried the nice way. Next time there's an argument and it's truly disturbing enough to call a police officer away from possibly important work, call them. Use the non-emergency number for the police and say your neighbors are making a lot noise and there's an argument or such, and that you've talked with them before to no effect.

It's important there that the police 1) know you've already tried to resolve it on your own, and 2) hear the disturbance themselves when they arrive, otherwise they might not believe you.

So keep those in mind.

One last note: it's possible for dramatic couple, particularly the men, to decide that YOU, rather than the noise, are the problem. "Oh that bastard called the cops on him, when they leave I'm gonna kick his ass".

Be reasonable with the woman, avoid the man at all costs, call the cops if nothing else works, and be careful opening the door to the man or keeping your car in a place he might vandalize it or something.

Simply asking someone to keep the noise down works probably 50% to 75% of the time, so don't get too paranoid. You have every right to reasonable peace and quiet.

I feel for you, I really do because I've been in a similar situation and it wasn't easy.... In regards to getting other neighbors involved, I wouldn't. This is for a few reasons: (1) the noisy neighbor might feel ganged up on and that may cause additional problems, (2) the neighbors you ask for help on this may interpret your attempt to solve the noise as aggressive or an attempt to gang up on the other neighbor, and (3) people (in general) rarely want to get involved in things unless it's absolutely necessary -- and it's hardly ever absolutely necessary. In regards to calling the cops, I wouldn't... In an ideal world, this would work, but as I've said, I've been there myself. Calling the cops can: make people angry, have them direct that anger at you instead of elsewhere, and finally, as a result of that, you may potentially be faced with more issues than before. Also, they rarely do anything...only when I was living in NYC and called the cops 2-3x in one night on someone making my ears almost bleed with how loud their stereo was, did they threaten a ticket or something to the person...

In regards to approaching her and asking her to stop, I'm personally very shy when it comes to such things. Objectively, though, I think it all depends on the situation. If this is someone who you think would be receptive and you're comfortable approaching them, then by all means. In my (not in NYC) situation, it was a mother who was verbally abusing her kid, blasting the TV, and allowing this kid to -- what I could only imagine was -- throw things at our shared wall. Being that this woman was abusing her toddler, I didn't think she'd be very receptive to logic or civility, so I didn't approach her and ask her to stop. I thought coming out and talking to her would only accomplish revealing that it was me who was upset about the noise, and thus, giving her a target for her obviously inappropriate lack of self-control.

Whatever you do, just be careful. I'm not trying to scare you and I want you to resolve this because I know the pains of not sleeping, not having thinking time, not being able to meditate, not being able to get work done, and...wanting to throw something...anything through a wall out of sheer frustration.... I just don't want you to suffer any more for this than you already are. I wish you the best of luck and hope my experiences help give you perspective.