Somes traitor amongs us

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I remark that somes aspies that act like normal peoples. How they can deny our aspie nature? Social thing is not for aspie i'm sorry we hate all that. Dating,girlfriend,friends an social life is not what we prefer. How somes of us can enjoy theses things? They are traitors or fake aspies that sure. Like an undercover agent. I think i loss my sanity little by little consumed by hate and solitude. Or Maybe i'm right that somes aspie are pseudo aspie

In every social grouping, there are poseurs - people who claim a certain status, yet have no official confirmation of that status.

Just because I can hold down a job, maintain a marriage, and be considered only eccentric or weird, that does not make me a poseur.

Just because I have not come out to anyone about my AS, that does not make me a poseur, either. Nor does it make me a traitor.

Some of us enjoy life because we are determined to enjoy it.

Others seem determined to be miserable, and to spread their misery to others. Those people are losers.

Simple, eh?


(Post #9994)

I have many of the difficulties of which you speak but I would maybe like friends and dating and a romantic relationship though-some do want the same things their NT peers have but just cant seem to have it happen like myself and I was just hurt by another aspie in those areas so we are very susceptible to hurt.

I agree we should all act up and be stubborn towards NT's.

I suffer heavily from the symptoms, If I 'behaved like an aspie'that would mean not trying to desensitise myself to bright lights and loud noises, not trying to become good at conversations and snapping at people all the time.

J-P, what kind of weak arsed version of aspergers do you have where you can give in to your symptoms (the good and the bad) and not end up curled up in a ball in your room in the dark lamenting how awful your life is?

Life should be a constant struggle, if it isn't then you aren't trying hard enough.

"Spectrum Disorder" means that there are a nearly infinite amount of ways autism/Asperger's can affect someone in one field and someone else in another. Comparing oneself to another is futile.

I understand the OP's frustrations, and I think those are frustrations (hopefully) all of us here can personally relate to.

The thing is, though, you can't lump all aspies and all autistics together to fit the same mold. We're all different. There's nothing wrong with being different.

I hate social interaction. I run a tiny business, which means I have to do something I REALLY hate and that is make phone calls to clients. I hate it more than anything. But it just has to be done. Beyond providing a service at a private school, I also teach a non-credit "enrichment" course at a public college campus--which I don't mind so much because it allows me to "be myself" and share my interests/obsessions (music, incidentally). I also have a part-time salaried job with a church, which is the worst place in the world for someone with social anxiety issues. But it works out because all I have to do is focus on the tasks I have to perform and less on the people I work for. I stay fairly isolated, but at the end of the day I get the satisfaction of knowing that I played a role in serving some 400 people by doing something that, to me, is not really a big or special thing.

So, yes, I deal with a little agoraphobia/social anxiety, general anxious feelings, and crippling depression. I'm not thrilled that I lack the social skills or abilities that would allow me to be the charismatic person I really want to be. I wish I didn't walk funny, talk funny, look funny, and I wish I could say I knew people didn't say ugly things about me behind my back. But my life has no less purpose than anyone else's. If my life has enriched the life of only a few people, I'm ok with that.

I'm not any more or less deserving of a full and happy life than any other human being, whether aspie or NT. I'm very lucky to have had relationships with girls/women and proud to say that I'm married, have 2 children, and have a third on the way. My wife is much more supportive of me than I deserve, and I do my best not to disappoint her or my children. I've learned to recognize that my feelings of anxiety and depression just have to do with the wiring of my brain and nothing to do with anything I have any control over--so if I'm having a meltdown/bad day/whatever, all I have to do is just say so and I don't have to project my "issues" on my family. If I go into hiding for 2 or 3 days, they understand what's going on with me and just slide the food under the door. OK, I'm exaggerating that last bit... But still, they understand what's going on with me when I need to be left alone for a while, and I do my best to make up for the time if I don't do anything else but sit outside to make sure my kids don't end up playing in the road. I've learned to overcome many of the things that would have kept me from interacting with my children, and there are plenty of touches and hugs and kisses and just plain acting like a bunch of idiots to go around!

I don't feel that's being a "traitor." It's trying my best to be a decent human being. It's a lot tougher than it would be for an NT in some ways. If I get excited about a project I'm working on, it's painful to tear myself away from it. Staying up all hours of the night working on something just doesn't work when my pregnant wife has been cleaning, doing laundry, and feeding the kids and just wants a quick back rub. You HAVE to think about other people and how you'd want to be treated or helped in the same situation.

Maybe I enjoy a few more things in life than some aspies get to. But that doesn't make me a traitor, and certainly there are those on the spectrum who are much better off than I am. I'd think if my symptoms were more severe and I somehow managed to fake NT really good, I'd be a horrible person to ridicule others with the same condition. But we are all different and the condition affects us all differently. I don't understand how you could begrudge someone for succeeding with different brain wiring.

So the people who aren't quite aspie enough get scorn from the aspies and from the neurotypicals?

They s**t on you??? That is because they are as*holes. Stupid, shallow, self-righteous as*holes.

I've had it all-- Bullying from kids at school, and the school authorities saying I deserved it (preschool-8th grade).
-- Spent high school with no friends, getting sexually harassed and afraid to report it, trying to be invisible and hoping they'd leave me alone.
-- Early 20's, college, no friends except a few I bought, no support, no one willing or able to help me learn to cope with the stress. Got thrown out of teacher's school for being outspoken. I knew when to watch my words-- in front of a classroom. When I'm the one in the desk, it's supposed to be about learning, not about already being perfect. Well, I got thrown out anyway.
-- Marriage: I'm not good enough in bed, don't like sex enough. I talk too much about boring stuff.
-- Kids: I've had people try to take my kids away from me simply because I disclosed that I have AS. Not because they were not clean, not going to the doctor, getting beat up. The woman had to admit they were in exemplary condition-- she just thought it was despite me, that being Aspie made me automatically dangerous. I filed a complaint against her-- nothing.
-- Family: Other than my grandma, my mom's side wants nothing to do with me. I am weird and bad. Other than my grandma and a couple of cousins, my dad's side treats me like a second-class citizen. I grew up being told I was stupid and fit for nothing but to be their servant. My stepmom's family threw me out as soon as my Dad died.

I learned to shut up. I learned to count my sentences-- no more than ten on a given subject unless someone is asking questions. One question, one sentence. I found a tiny handful of people who accept me the way I am-- who will help me solve problems and not mind that sometimes I speak very little and sometimes I have a lot to say. I taught my husband to understand that my inability to like close contact had everything to do with neurology and nothing to do with him...

...and I taught myself to suck it up and accept being invaded if I want the companionship of someone who loves me. I got really good at faking orgasms.

I still have my kids. I know the rules. Someday I might have to find a lawyer to help me keep them. I'll do that too.

Family?? From the road over, those people are all stupid. I'm happier since I started shrugging them off. f**ktards. I don't have any control over what they choose to be.

Yeah. I understand you being bitter. I'm bitter too. I have done everything I could think of, with little help, to do everything right. I have done a good job. I am nicer, more careful, more tolerant than all of them. Still I am spit on, criticized, not good enough, not good enough.

You know what?? That's the way of it. It's a neurotypical world, sweetheart. We're just taking up space in it. Statistically speaking, there are 110 of them to every one of us. That makes THEM RIGHT and US WRONG.

You can't change that.

You can go on a rampage, take out all that bitter rage, kill a bunch of people, and end up dead (if you're lucky) or in prison being made an example of, being cited by people who think we all ought to be sedated out of our minds (if you're not lucky).

Or you can tell yourself that they're a bunch of f**ktards who just happen to be in charge, do what you have to do to get along in their world, then spin around and flap your hands and laugh for no good reason other than that you feel like it and study the things that interest you and enjoy life anyway.

Personally, I've swallowed enough goddamn Risperdal to last a lifetime. I'm going to keep a low profile, do what I have to do to fit in well enough to escape notice, and go home and laugh at anything that pleases me.