Marriage: was/is it good or bad?

Post Reply New Topic

Who here has been married and what has been your experience?

I have heard from AS guys before who got married and it ended in divorce each time. Other guys here seem to have decent marriages. It may be different if the female half has AS than the male half.

I am a little skeptical of marriage, especially in light of AS.

Been married twice. The first time was for 7 years. He wouldn't work, partied all the time, treated me like s**t, ect, but I kept trying to make it work. Then I finally found out that he was cheating on me and had been all along, so that was that. So I would consider the failure to not be due to me.

I've been remarried almost 6 years, and it's great, really no problems at all.

So I say If you find someone who treats you with some respect and you seem to be compatible, your odds are good.

been married twice. First time was the typical 'starter' marriage. I had no idea how to make a marriage 'work'. I didn't know it involved work... I stayed home while my wife wanted to go out. She wanted parties, friends, social life, etc. I didn't. Eventually she just did it on her own, went through 3 boyfriends before leaving me a note and a half-empty apartment.

Second one's headed for the dogs as well, and mostly my fault. We're from different social classes, and we disagree about everything. It's probably going to end in divorce as well, and after that, I'm done. No more marriages for me.

I spend most of my time painting, reading about painting, hanging out on impersonal chat forums like WP.

i have a six year old son and an EX-partner who lives under the same roof.

But he got tired of me i suppose.
meltdowns, special interests, not liking touch, but the sex was good. just on my terms and dictatd by sensory issues so i was quite quirky and controlling in that area.

Right now he and my son are out with friends at the beach.
I am on WP, after a morning of more WP and painting.

My life is fiucking brilliant and fun...but no-one else gets it.
i have never grown up and never will.

EVERYTHING is special interests for me.

very little else matters to me really.

I agree with Tony Attwood who described special interests as orgasmic for the AS person at times. so, that makes relationships a little less important. The good part is at the beginning when the realtionship IS the special interest. it's all downhill and mundane from there.

I've been with my husband for 7 years, married for 5. It works great for us.

Married once, divorced once and will never do it again. I married an emotional basket case of an NT who only wanted social status at the expense of all else. All of her friends were married and she desperatley married me thinking that her friends would want to hang out with her again. They took one look at me and said no way. They wouldn't come to the wedding. When our son was born they wouldn't even acknowledge that. I only date older women who have no real desire to get married and have kids.

I like this.

I think that marriage with the male half having AS is very different than if the female side has it. Just an acknowledgment of different gender roles/expectations, and how AS interferes with that.

I would like to get married sometimes, but then I think of all the bad stories I hear from AS men who do it. I guess it doesn't matter anyways because I've never had a serious relationship and don't see it in my future.

I am an AS woman who has been married twice. The first time was to a NT man who expected more emotion from me than I could give and really just wanted a housework loving slave. The second husband was better and though we are divorced, we are still good friends. I think he is slightly AS himself. However, like the first husband, he wanted a typical homemaker wife and someone with better social skills. As friends, we work better than as a married couple.

As for getting married again. I don't think so. I don't enjoy the role of being a homemaker, cook/entertainer and having to socialise when required to by other people.

As for the sexual side of marriage, that was enjoyable, but like all enjoyable things, come at a price that I'm not prepared to pay.

I have been married to an NT for nine years, we were friends/a couple in high school.

It gets rocky sometimes and there were times I considered giving up. I don't regret it but I don't think I would recommend it for others with AS. (If that makes any sense)

I also think it is harder than my wife deserves.

Good times, bad times as the song goes. More good than bad so far. It's not always easy but I think that's the same for everybody.

Im married since nine years. Im the female and the one diagnosed with AS. We are both extremely antisocial and have no friends except each other. We have a good stabilised relationship. We had our fights and hard times BEFORE we went married!

Last edited by xalepax on 18 Mar 2009, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Married for seventeen years, before she started trying to kill me. I was autistic, she anorexic... the perfect co-dependent relationship. The genes went well together, though, and we raised two healthy children - only one with Aspergers. That was all back in the days when suggesting autism as an explanation was simply evidence of laziness...

Now I'm fourteen years into a post-childrearing relationship. Was on the rocks for a while, pre-diagnosis, but the ongoing challenge of making sense of all this has kept us from boredom recently.

Sorry for my English and grammar, but English is not my first language.
I recently discovered that my husband's got AS and probably my younger daughter too (7 y.o.). I always knew my husband was diferent, he was odd in many ways but I always belived it was because he grew up in a family with a lot of psychological abuse, mainly from his father, his mother never told the kids that she loves them, she just made sure they were fed, dressed and go to school. My husband is a beautiful person, he loves the kids more than anything and will do anything for me. He also is very succsesful on professional plan but he works in an environment were there are lots of odd people. We had difficult times in our marriage and I can see now why we had the problems. Few years into our marriage I managed to express what his problem was, he couldn't understand the way people react and the way people think and he was getting anxious and frustrated because of that. I had no idee that there was a name for this. I have to give him the credit for trying, he started to study human behaviour, read a lot of books and studied antropological psychology to understand the patterns of thinking. He is very interesting in many ways. Today he can pass as a normal person without any problems. The little hiccups that he has are ussualy explained by people as cultural differences and problems with English. He knows what people expect and he delivers that. We've been married for 14 years and are today very happy. He can be himself at home and I love him for who he is. I am a very social person but I don't like big parties. We have friends, most of them families with children same ages with our children. I talk a lot and probably this helped our relationship. I think better when I talk to somebody so that helpes him know what I think and feel rather than trying to read my body language and short messages.

So, to answer the question, our marriage is a good experience, much easier after we understood where the problems come from.

Will let you know; getting married in 19 months... and no, we don't rush much - after over eight years, why start now?


M.

My husband asked me out, on a bet, twenty years ago. We are still trying to determine if he won.

I have found that a lot of NT women as they get older get tired of the beer and sports mentality that most NT men have. They like my uniqueness, intelligence and my somewhat childlike view of some things. They get tired of the lies and BS that most NT men engage in also. Plus NT women lose social status amongst NT men as they age so it puts us on more equal terms.