Is behaviour therapy possible for someone like me?

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My therapist (who specialises in behaviour therapy) saw me for four sessions, diagnosed me with aspergers and said that there was no point in me having therapy because I had no plans to change and so she didn't know what to do with me. So that was that. However she said that if I had reason to I could contact her for another session.

So now I am wondering whether there is anything to be gained from behaviour therapy. Maybe I should do it after all. My main doubt about it is that I am 58 years old and there isn't much to be gained in making huge changes to my way of being at this age. It's not as if I am of an age to be able to start a family or develop a huge social network or a great new career, whereas the effort to become more socially competent would be quite painful I think.

I do have a girlfriend, though we don't spend much time together (she accomodates me in that respect). I work very part-time and spend as much time as possible alone with my narrow repetitive interest (learning languages for no reason). I have no friends whatsoever and can't deal with group situations at all (I just sit there like an idiot after the initial pleasantries and have nothing at all to say the whole time despite a high IQ). Family gatherings are a problem and my girlfriend's grandson (aged nearly 4) won't say hello or goodbye to me because I am different to the others and can't expansively connect with him in the way normal people do with children.

Somehow I feel that behaviour therapy would involve turning oneself inside out and forcing oneself to do things which normal people do naturally but which one feels uncomfortable doing and so avoids. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic. What do you think and have you had experience of behaviour therapy? Has it helped you? Is it just an attempt to become someone one isn't and to act a role? How can it improve one's quality of life?

If you are not happy with your life you should make an attempt to improve it regardless of your age.

You're basically right about behavioral therapy. The basic definition of behavioral therapy is "learning to act more normal."

Some of it doesn't hold up to the old cost-benefit analysis; some of it does. What is and isn't a lot of trouble to go to (and what is and isn't worth the trouble) is, for now, basically up to the individual to decide.

One way or the other, it's been my experience that there's no such thing as "too old to learn new tricks." Once you quit learning, you're pretty much dead. IMO.

Some small changes and new skills might open up a few doors-- a slightly expanded social life, the ability to make the connections you want or feel you should make. Trick is finding a therapist who's going to help you develop the skills YOU want to have for the changes YOU want to see in your life (as opposed to the changes THEY think are necessary for the life THEY think you should be living).

Or not.

In the years before I was diagnosed with AS on a number of occasions my GP sent me for therapy because of problems I had with depression and anxiety - mainly in the areas of work and social life.

I was a trained secretary and changing jobs was no problem but wherever I worked was always a stress to me. Each morning I felt I couldn't face the coming day and I lived for the evenings, weekends and holidays. I was told that what I needed was a job that really stretched me and held my interest and attention. That sounded good but the reality was that work like this - where hours were uncertain and the pressure could be great - only made my problem worse. I learned by trial and error that what was best for me was a office where the work was routine, the hours regular and the days held no surprises.

The same with social problems. The therapist encouraged me to join local organisations - even an amateur theatre company! - but after a month or two I realised that I dreaded the evenings when I had to go out and mix with people - especially after a day at the office.

Although the various therapists never said anything I think they felt they had been wasting their time with me. As I said, this was before AS had become recognised in adults so may be the OP will find behavioural therapy more effective now. What I DO feel would have been helpful, when I was younger, was learning social skills - something which in my case I again learned by trial and error.

I am in my early 50s, and was taken to many psych docs and therapists as a child and teen. Back then Autism spectrum disorders were not recognized. Instead, we were diagnosed with emotional/behavior problems, and as discipline problems. I really hated the sessions and never warmed up to the people trying to "fix" me. It was abundantly clear to even my child self that nobody liked me the way I was, so they were trying to make a new me that they would like better. Naturally, I resisted being "changed" into something else. I knew I wasn't perfect, but neither is anyone else, yet most other people aren't forced to be "changed" because of it. Because of my social issues, because I can't stand being around people who are uncomfortable around someone different, and because I refuse their attempts to make me conform to the NT herd pattern, I ended up turning into an introverted hermit. I am okay with that, as being with others too much is very unpleasant to me. Now that I am middle aged, I don't see any benefit to behavior therapy in my particular case, as I have no interest in becoming more social.

Whether you go through with it or not is up to your needs and desires in this matter. If you do have areas you wish to change, then it may be a good idea to work on those, but I do agree with other posters, that you should work with a therapist who will be willing to work on just those areas, and not try to force you into a complete make over. I don't see complete make over's being possible for us, but I do know we can temporarily modify some of our behaviors at times. I think what you are looking for is help in doing that with some of your problem areas. Perhaps therapy can help you with that.

P.S. Like you, I am fond of languages, but only took German in high school decades ago. I still can speak a little of it. I also picked up a few phrases from other languages over the years, and may take language courses in the future. However, I'd like to point out that there is a lot of irony in non social persons like us learning to speak foreign languages. Who are we going to talk to?

I suddenly got an idea, instead of conforming to the norm, why don't we just get a doctors note saying; "Sorry, the patient can't attend your wedding[insert other social events here] due to his disorder, please don't hold this against him in any way."

Wouldn't that be awesome?

I recommend cognitive therapy if you wished to change a specific behavior or develope an improved set of social skills etc. For me, also, a certified social worker helped much more than a psych.

As others have noted, it may take time for you to assimilate the diagnoses and internalize it. I think there is nothing wrong with you for wishing to come to terms with it and who you are.

If you choose to see a psychologist, you must see one who specializes in AS.

If you go to someone who does not specialize in AS, you will find the entire experience immensely uncomfortable and will also make little to no headway because they will not know how to deal with you or how to connect and relate to you. It will be the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall.

If you see a normal therapist, no matter that you have been diagnosed with AS, they will still treat you like you simply don't want to do these things, rather than you don't know how to or are not capable of it.

Even if it is for your own peace of mind and to come to terms with your past and your diagnosis, please see someone who specializes in AS.

Check out therapists who practice Cognitive Therapy (CT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and who have clients who are on the autistic spectrum. Read up on CBT yourself. You can obtain books on this in many different languages! Hardy-har-har! I wish I was motivated and able to learn many different languages like you.
Best of luck always.
Pardon my joke. I guess the ugly American in me floated to the top.