Chat session goes Bad.

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I was chatting with my female friend, (I wish she was more that that) last night and something went wrong. Looking at the transcript, is it only my Aspergian ways, or does she have some issues as well?


C: hi , did you get a msg from pof about the dance thats gonna be at the Gladstone ??

P: Yes, I got that message too.

C: hi , I already rsvp'd to the p.o.f dance

P: Very good, you ever been to a POF event before?

C: this will be the first
always wanted to , I even thought of hosting one but decided not to
am glad this one came up

P: It looks like it could be fun.

C: I like dances and music and all these ppl are from pof so yea , we all have that in common
just can't dance too good anymore lol but its ok

P: Maybe that knee will get fixed soon.

C: it will eventually I hope

P: I'm sure it will, it's a common problem.

C: but that won't stop me from going to the dance unless its real bad that night
its just the fact that it really slows one down
and I do a lot so for ppl like me it can be an issue ...know what I mean ?

P: Well, you have a very physical job.

C: yes but its not just that . I'm also active around the house and I go out and a lot too
I'm no couch potato lol

P: You are a Whirlwind!

C: omg Paul your funny
its just that s**t's gotta get done and I'm the one to do most of it
plus I like to be on the go . I can easily get bored

P: Heh, heh, I can tell you visited your mother.

C: I do like to relax though . I like to think I balance the two out ..
no I did not visit her , so there !
she called , said it was too hot there

P: It's just that you sounded like you felt you were being put upon.

C: what ? no .. by that one sentencewhere I said I do most of it ? thats because I'm on my own and I
have to do most of the things

P: I think this decluttering is making me a little less potato-
Oh, I see, that's logical.

C: thankyou

P: Did I miff you, lol?

C: oh shut up
lol

P: Are you a bit of a brat?
lol.

C: oh boy .....

P: yes?

C: nothing

P: I'm just teasing you, lol.

C: quit analyzing ... just trying to converse with you and it turns into a chore ... grrrrrrr

P: Really? That's analyzing? I had no Idea!
I once heard that Women hate it when men try to Understand them, lol.

C: Paul pls stop ,, this is getting tiring
gotta go ok ?

P: What am I doing wrong?
Really?

C: no actually its you and how you talk to them I think

P: Maybe we're better talking in real life... I have no idea why you R upset.

C: your too serious for me , and what was that comment that you could tell I visited my mother ? didn't
make sense to me at all

P: You sounded put upon and I know that elderly mothers often lean heavily on their daughters.

C: how and where in that convo did I sound put upon ??? was trying to explain to you that I'm an on the
go type of person and I have a lot of things to do that keep me busy but I don't mind that .. was not
complaining

P: This is the problem with Chat...misunderstandings so often arise.
I went to IKEA this afternoon. Do you like going to IKEA?

C: and thats why I do not like to have long drawn out chats
never did
and yes ikea is ok . I have their little sheepsking carpet on my bdrm floor
but bought it at value vilage for $9.99 . got lucky
am done talking now though ..I want to go play my scrabble games now and relax

P: I'm sorry I upset you, maybe in the future we should switch from chat to phone.
We were getting along fine last night.

Maybe it was the calling her a brat part? If not that, then I have no idea.

Maybe she just doesn't know the meaning of "lol" or "heh heh".

Try throwing in emoticons like smilies and such.

People can't read tone of voice from text.

She sounds like a pain in the ass. Find an easier woman to deal with

I don't think that was just you. She sounds a lot like a woman I chatted to for a while and went on a couple of dates with. In short, if she didn't understand or there was any degree of ambiguity in something I said her default response was anger and to lash out. From the point something had confused her or she had decided she disliked something trivial I said it was impossible to avert the temper tantrum and I just had to stop talking to her for a couple of days.

My theory is that some people thrive on drama and low-level personal strife - I don't know if they watch too many soap operas or what. She isn't the only person I dated who enjoyed that. Now, the moment somebody displays those sort of tendencies I cut them off, I have no time whatsoever for this kind of BS.

As i see it, it was just a misunderstanding. There was a change of tone and all that, yeah, but it doesnt have to be a problem. What made it worse was that you kept drawing her attention back to it. I've made this mistake many time and will continue to do so. Every now and then you just have to let it go.

No. As the previous poster said, she defaults to anger in the face of ambiguity. I honestly think something is wrong with her. Getting more involved with this woman is not going to bring him any joy. Trust me.

Good insights, MyFutureSelfnMe. This woman does seem a bit pouty and childish to me. Would you believe she is 54? LOL.

In my opinion, this is where it went wrong. By saying something you thought was lighthearted, you inadvertently hit upon a hot button for her (I'm not going to comment on whether it should be a hot button for her, that's neither here nor there). The way it reads to me, you insinuated something about her mood, her ability to handle her mood, the control her mother has over her, *and* her physical capabilities, all in this sentence. I can try to explain it better, if you like.

I understand that you meant this as cute banter, as well as, "see, I'm concerned for you and I know things about your life" but it absolutely didn't come out that way. Just a friendly mistake, but one that's good to learn from.

I don't mean this as an attack on you in any way, but I totally disagree. I think referring to it as a "hot button" excuses this histrionic (histrionic in the sense of being hyper-sensitive to the slightest perceived criticism/ambiguity) behaviour. She is the one who needs to address a problem here imo, not Paul.

Whatevs. I don't take that as an attack at all. I'm just speaking from experience (with people with hot button issues). I'm not saying she shouldn't address her issues, if she has them, but he also needs to be more sensitive in how he discusses things. Just my experience. If he finds that she's too sensitive on too many issues, that's fine, but he shouldn't complain about her, necessarily; just realize that they're not compatible and move on.

I see someone who was keen to discuss arrangements for a fun night out. The OP then overemphasised an injury, then started inferring things about her mother, a "whirlwind" personality trait and this then sent the conversation in a weird direction.

If this has happened before, then it is understandable that she broke the chat off earlier rather than continuing. In one of her closing comments she said that P is "too serious", if you think about the way the discussion went I easily agree with her as the original topic was a dance.

*shrug* - My chat sessions are no better.

Jason.

Sure he's not a master conversationalist but it's obvious she's not one of those people who can handle that and not think much of it.

Eerie -- I was going to say the exact same thing, in those words.

I agree with Jtuk. But omg, this chat is soooo like my interactions with people it makes me cringe! You two are sooo different, and you come out as soooo lacking in self-confidence! The whole conversation was wrong, from beginning to end. But NOT wrong because you did something wrong. Just total and utter incompatibility that triggers big insecurity in you and makes you seem like a fool, when I know you're not. It's so unfair on us aspies, we're playing in such a foreign field with NTs that instead of the bright people we are, we come out as idiots.

I can comment step by step of the chat if you want, but won't take the trouble if you're not interested. Just one VERY big clue: you never said if you're going to the dance or not.