Executive dysfunction crippling me

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Hi,
Posted this to the wrong forum, so reposting it. Maybe an admin can remove it from adult Aspie forum, I don't know. I just realized that what I heard is executive dysfunctioning is crippling me in several ways, and I was wondeirng if anyone can relate and/or has any tips on how to cope. I am in a distance-larning collge course, but am seriously thinking of dropping out, because I can't work myslef up to studying at all and am totally overwhelmed to the point where I get nightmares and panic attacks when even thinking of a deadline. Throughout high school, I used to read my textbooks and could memorize them (not in detail, but enough topass the test), but this simply doesn't work with a 1000-page book if fo rno other reason then because I can't read it in one go.

I am posting this here because the executive dysfunction is also hitting me in the independen tliving department. I now live in an institution, but am going to live iwht my husband in about six months, and I know form experience that I can't organize household tasks at all and experience overload at the slightest demand that is of a multiple-step task. My husband doesn't expect me to do all the houskeeping, but he expects me to do some, including cooking, and I have no clue how I'm going to meet that expectation.

Does anyone have any advice on hwo to overcome this?

It has taken me years, so I'm sorry if this doesn't sound more hopeful, but I finally have a system of housework and stopped working. I'll explain something with executive dysfunction: It takes a lot of mental energy to organize tasks so they MUST be broken down into very small pieces, then each piece worked on until mastery, then the next and so on.

Before I explain how to accomplish this< does your husband understand, really understand your difficulties? He cannot expect you to come home and instantly become his housewife (I'm assuming you're working or going to school as well), cook meals, clean the house-- we women have 'extra' work on top of what a man is typically expected to do, and for us with executive function issues, this is a daunting expectation indeed. I think a compromise, going out for meals, buying stuff that's easy to make or he can help 'organize' your cooking (at least telling you what he wants to eat for dinner or getting the groceries), can alleviate the stress of meals (I know we have a lot of stress ourselves with eating/planning to eat).

On to the good part: The cleaning schedule! Here it is: Cleaning Schedule This assumes you have a computer, internet access, and the Microsoft Excel program in which to work on the schedule. If you don't use this template, that's fine, just make one of your own.

It is perfectly alright to take a long time on a given task, so don't schedule more than one room a day. This schedule breaks down the tasks very nicely and gives weekly/monthly deep cleaning lists you can modify.

It has taken me years to keep up with the dishes, plan 5 dinners out of 7, do laundry 2x a week, etc. and when I was working full-time, I COULD NOT keep my house up or my own hygiene, working (and cleaning at work, I am a chef by trade) full-time but I used all that I had learned in culinary school and job experience to clean well and cook nutritious meals that were cost-effective. It may seem extreme that it took all that to get to where I can keep up housework 80% of the time.

but Executive dysfunction sucks. I'd rather sit on my computer all day than be overwhelmed by chores, errands, etc. throw in the sensory sensitivity and it makes it much harder. I haven't found cleaners that I can use that don't bother me so I stick with diluted bleach for kitchen/bath and lemon oil for furniture. Dusting is made easy by those fantastic Swiffer thingies, LOVE THEM, worth the outrageous $1 each cloth let me tell you.

Okay I hope that was a good start, feel free to ask me anything. I haven't mastered this housewife thing yet, but I do okay for someone with severe autism, imo anyway.

Here is a link to what helps me, and why it helps is that it's in steps which I found I could accomplish. I don't do all this stuff on here, but have used it to make my own guidelines for chores. (Some of the way it's talked about is a bit annoying but the underlying information is very good.)

http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/31-beginner-babysteps/

Good advice, alpineglow. Small successes, easily replicable, can with patience lead to better habits.

Keep taking the medicine, though, to build on those small successes. There'll be things you try at for years without noticeable improvement.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I used to use a cleaning schedule in the training home, with cleanin ght edifferne trooms broken down into small steps. I think I need to make a new schedule for the new house, because I have to work very systemtically both fo rmy own peace of mind and because I'm blind and can't otherwise check for dirt. By the way, my husband doesn't expect me to do all housekeeping and be his housewife entirely, and I won't have a full-time job when I go live wiht him. For cooking, I have pretty easy-to-cook recipes, but none of them will be useful for my husband because he's vegetarian. So I may have to start teaching myself or being taught while in the institution how to cook vegetarian meals.

Hello! Sorry you are struggling. I dont have any advice but I can well and truley relate. I thought it was an attention deficit disorder problem but I was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago now and im on medication but it's only made nominal difference. I just can't COPE with life!! ! If i do the laundry and the dishes it seems like a monumental effort and I need a couple of days just to recover ( I wish i was joking, I dont even Iron!!).
So now I"m working full time for the first time in my life (and 31) and living independently (that's not new tho). But let me tell you I am barely getting by. Sure i go to work every day but my home life is a shambles!! Overload, I feel you sister! If someone calls me when I get home from work I pretty much can have a breakdown over the sound of the phone ring because I just can't cope with ONE MORE THING. (I never even answer but the sound of it ringing reminds me what a failure I am). I can be in tears at the thought of having to go grocery shopping.

Needless to say my personal affairs are a complete mess, as is my room, and I dont even have hardly any stuff. I don't eat properly and cook a ''proper'' meal about once very 2-3 weeks. That's how bad it is. When I was studying it was the same, I mean I might have barely made it through each semester but it was to hte detriment of everything else in my life.
This is horrible and I wish I could tell you how to fix it but I don't know.
I keep hoping that sometime I will somehow find the routine and swing and ''grow up'' and live a normal life. But im 31 now so I should be realistic.

On your husbands vegetarianism, often you can cook meat meals with a meat-substitute so you won't have to learn a whole new repitoire of recipes. But can I just say that given you're moving out independently it's going to be quite a big stressful change and I think that he should be cooking at least for a little bit.