Always Picking The Wrong Person For A Relationship

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So, I am 45 and just discovered I have Aspergers this year. It explains a lot but it also brings up a lot of new questions. I've never been in a good relationship. I do a terrible job picking people to date. And of course, I'm very candid and stare and well, I'm just not the most date-ready person around. And I think Asperger's people are very special So much so that I think most of the rest of the world has got it "wrong" and we are quite possibly the only people who "get it". But their expectations are so damn ridiculous that why would we want to be robots like "normal" people? Anyway, I'm a little cynical and have a long way to go. Does this mean I should just resort to staying single since I'm already set in my ways? I haven't been on a date since early 2007. Is it even worth it now?

i met my first (and only) husband when i was 52. i had just recently learned how to do small talk. if you're still learning and growing, leave the door open for good things to happen.

I have never had a boyfriend but for me, I have associated several female friends in past who have had a knack for being guy crazy women with low self esteem. All of them who acted like that would act like a friend with me for a time until they found a guy to date while pushing me to the side and suddenly acting like I was not important.

One of them turned out to be a childhood friend, while another was a girl a met 7 years ago. I don't talk to these two anymore so...

The first person started dating at 12 and making bad choices while gradually weeding me out of her life.She also started manipulating me when they were dating by wanting me to ask him out for her and I put my foot down. She was also started talking behind my back and made fun of me for being different.


The other girl just seemed to use me as a friend and even expressed interest in doing things with me while dating a close male friend of mine. Then when she started dating other people and pushing my other guy friend away, she stopped expressing those wants to get together and was always busy and kept leading me around and breaking commitments. When she called me up, there was this need to use this high phoney voice that just killed me. "Girl friend, what's up?" It was like night and day too. What was lovely about her was that she was very temperamental if you called her on the carpet for her actions which led her to throw a fit with you.

It is not that we are gullible people but maybe ones with more common sense than most of the world. I mean, both of the girls above were interested in trying things that I never wanted to. So I was viewed as a nerd. There was also nothing wrong with us, it is something wrong with them. Neither one of these girls had AS but other LD problems.

I totally believe that Aspies are the only ones who really "get it". However, I do have a tendency to think that because I am always truthful that other people are as well. I now have such a large distrust of others as a result of being hurt so many times by people who lie.

I am going through the same thing myself and I am starting to tell the difference between a sincere person and someone who is dishonest and flaky.

Things that I pick up when something does not smell right

1. They seem to talk about this person or that person taking advantage of them
2. Calling you their best friend
3. Seeming very unreliable in that they say certain things and don't carry through

I worked with a girl like that who latched herself onto me and called me her trusted best friend while telling me that two of the other co-workers seemed to do things to her. This was even though she was always hanging around them. Then another worker came to work with us and she started twisting the truth about me and lying behind my back and making fun of me for being different.

I also met another person in synagogue back last year and although we appeared to get along. I started seeing some of the red flags again and wondered if I should even trust her. For instance, she seemed to lead her other friends around about something while being completely upfront with me about the same situation.

I have been in two bad relationships and I obsessed about them after they ended so I always talked about how awful these men were. I am sure that didn't look good.

Now I know why it's bad to talk about your horrible relationships. If you are talking bad about your ex's, it's either you have sh***y bad luck or there is something actually wrong with you. They will wonder if you are talking bad about your ex's how are they going to know you won't talk s**t about them too after you two beak up if you two were in a relationship? You may actually be saying more about yourself than saying you were in terrible relationships and you had bad luck every time. Sure they may be wrong about you but they don't know you had bad luck.

While my relationships may have been bad, they won't know it. But I also see it's great to talk about it so they understand where you are coming from so they know it's you not them. They won't take your behavior personal if you are keeping yourself distance from them or waiting a few months to have sex or waiting a while to live together. But you really can't win can you?

But luckily I met a great man. Took me three tries. If we were to split up, there won't be any bad things I could say about him because there aren't any.