Will I be treated differently for the way I look?

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I never thought about this before until I saw that episode of Atypical where Sam was arrested for looking weird. I went to Walmart yesterday and was afraid to be myself after someone said I move around like a weirdo. So then I was thinking about how creepy I must look to everyone in the store. I was walking stiffly, staring straight forward all the time - very robotic-like, and the store was full of parents with their children. Would they keep a few steps back because I look weird? Are people generally less going to trust me in public? Am I the guy that people are going to avoid and talk about like I need medical/mental help? Are people going to set security guards and/or police on me just for being out in public? I'm nervous about how people will see me as, and how I'll get treated because of that.

Look around on the street and other public places, you will see a great range of differences in people. One of the local towns where I live has got a mostly working class population and honestly people aren't worried about their appearance or disabilities anything goes, it's a relief, nothing like what you see on TV, their just happy and unpreoccupied people going about their business and enjoying themselves. It's your world too, take your place in it and don't be down on yourself.

According to your profile you were 27 years old last year

Whatever treatment someone gave you for 28 years, is usually the way they will treat you from now on

TV does not always represent how reality is, or ought to be



Every autistic is different


Every neurotypical is different


Many times, security guards followed me around grocery stores

But maybe they do that to neurotypicals too

They sense something is off and they don't know what it is, but usually when I tell precious lil "people" that I am autistic they have the nerve to tell me that "you don't look autistic"


So whatever



The city I live in now is diverse.


The city I went to college in was not as diverse

I let myself stim in a shop today, flicking fingers and turning in circles. Looking up, nobody cares, there was an elderly guy with a purple beard and purple glasses, a guy with a twitch, a couple with a daughter who was complaining in a loud monotone voice about being bored, the shop workers were helpful too.

Friends used to tell me that I drag myself around looking like "you just killed somebody". I got more negative attention and provoked more curiosity back then, worrying about what other people thought all the time.

Last edited by Sahn on 29 Sep 2019, 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it's a question of how weird and in what kind of company. In a big city, most people are unlikely to care if a stranger acts weirdly unless he or she is carrying a weapon of some sort, but in a small town where everyone knows everyone you might have some trouble, though it's unlikely people would call the police for the way you walk or something.

The reminds me of when we had Zellers and Target in Canada (Walmart style department stores). The Zellers guards used to constantly follow me to the point I played along and pretended to shoplift (my career is in asset management so I know the typical ways people do it) and I am sure they were looking over those tapes with a fine tooth comb. When Target took them over the security guards all knew me as a regular and would always smile and say hello and never once followed me in any way.

Same with in the past how some parents have told the local daycare they are "uncomfortable" having me work in the building, one even going so far as to tell me I look like a pedophile when I grow my facial hair. Meanwhile, the majority think it is amazing how children run up to me and treat me like a rock star and what a great dad I would be because I am so skilled with kids (so far so good I might add!) My point is that two different people can look at me and have two completely opposite reactions.

I also was in the elevator with three women once. One of them told me point blank I look like a serial killer and the other two were mortified and instantly told her how ridiculous she was and how offensive that was: I didn't know what to say but I should have smiled and said "thanks!" since most serial killers are very normal looking as that's how they get away with it.

You've got me wondering what you look like now

Everyone gets treated differently based on their appearance

Strangers on the internet are not precognitive or telepathic

Strangers on the internet can't read someone's mind

Strangers on the internet do not know what is going to happen next

Wear an optimus prime helmet and walk like a robot

I'm more likely to be identified as an 'easy target' rather than a 'perpetrator', but either way, it's something autistics need to be aware of, and try to mitigate as best we can.

I do feel for the predicament of male autistics. Occasionally I will encounter someone who seems to be on the spectrum - and yet my reaction is to be wary, especially if he starts being too forward with me, or not respecting personal space. I have a feeling I've snubbed people like that in the past, who were only trying to be friendly.

As for me, store employees often assume I'm intellectually disabled, because I look lost and confused, and don't know how to dress. It doesn't bother me, and often they're extra nice to me, so it works in my favor.

I actually posted a picture many years ago and can guarantee you that you would not recognize me if it was still floating around. Many women I have dated have stated (including my wife) that I literally look like a different person in each picture I take and they all look nothing like I do in person. I do know I am very tall and clumsy and am painfully aware that I am "different" in my appearance but years of trying have proved ineffective at making me look normal. I would say I look too normal to be considered weird and too weird to be considered normal. I have also been told that I have a very loud voice but I can't understand why or how.

Getting back on topic, yes the way you look will strongly influence how someone thinks of you. If I were to wear a business suit I would probably be treated like a rich and successful person but if I just changed into an orange shirt and pants I would probably have the cops called on me.

You might not "look" the same as you think you "look."

For many years, I thought that I looked "weird."

However, in retrospect, as I've seen pictures of myself over the years, I have found that I actually look fairly "normal."

It's only how I "act" that is "weird."

I think I get more respect and get treated better if I wear clothes that properly fit. I'm small so I hem my clothes. Lately I've been buying crop styles that don't require hemming to be the right length.

Yes.

Atypical is a TV show.

Worrying about what others think and feel about you when you are in public is just pure social anxiety.

Do goths and people with body modifications and weird tattoos give a rat's ass what other people think about them?

First skill to develop is to not care what others think. Embrace your weirdness.

If you can't do that, identify what movements, behaviors and patterns make you stand out and modify or change them. I learned about nicer men's clothing and cool shoes, and even though I tend to dress a little too formally for most occasions and situations, I learned how not to appear too weird in public. Quit worrying about "what ifs" and eventualities that might not ever happen based upon a TV show and instead focus on what you can change and improve.

I find I avoid some shops because some of my ways look to security guards as if I am a criminal. I don't steal but they don't believe mw and assume I am some sort of master criminal as they have never actually caught me. Of corse they have never caught me because I am not a thief... But they don't believe that... So certain shops like my local Tescos call the police as soon as I even go in their car park.

But I refuse to not go out in public. Don't not go out. Go out... Enjoy the day. You have more of a right to go out there and enjoy then anyone. Take advantage of your freedom.